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Lunatic Ravings - 11/12/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday and Thursday
Lillian Axe---"Poetic Justice"
Directly to reader email!
Chuck N. from Omaha, NE:
"What's up with Jerome. I remember him being a vegetable and now I learn that he has knocked up Bob's wife?
What's going on here?"
It's true that Jerome once was a vegetable or as close to one as you can get. Due to modern medicine, he has recovered
and he has knocked up Bob's wife. But there is a kicker to this story which I can't reveal today, but will be revealed
by one of our staff next week. All I can say is that you will be amazed and disgusted when you find out about some
of the things that happen around here.
Louise K. in Birmingham, AL:
"Why does everyone love Drew Barrymore. What does she have that other women don't?"
Well, she does have Tom Green but his career is basically shot, so that's really not something to be proud of.
Funny thing is that I finally watched "Charlie's Angels" and it proved my theory that Drew can't act
and that those that think she can need to get their heads out of the paper bag holding that can of spray paint.
Lucius L. from Miami, FL:
"Is rock dead?"
No, but Elvis is. Really.
Barry W. in Boulder CIty, NV:
"Does Osama have a chance?"
Ever since Osama stated that he has nuclear weapons, I have been scared shitless. He is brilliant to admit that
he does have those types of weapons because now the coalition will pull back and not harass him any longer.
OR
He's running scared and throwing things at the wall hoping to his God that something will stick because he's obviously
not loaded with much common sense to make a statement like that since that would make the coalition look that much
harder for him.
Melinda N. in Minneapolis, MN:
"Who's your hero?"
I have two. The first is Scrappy from "Scooby- Doo" and the next is the kid that played the cousin on
"The Brady Bunch" since neither was given a chance yet they both persevered and brought me many hours
of enjoyment.
Henry L. in Verona, NJ:
"Did you know that…"
Sorry Henry, but I only bothered to read the first for words of your email and got bored and decided not to read
any more.
Margaret P. in Charleston, WV:
"Don't any of you feel any sorrow or pity for Melissa and what she's had to go through?"
I feel as much sorrow and pity as her crabs would feel when she finally takes a shower and they have no place to
call home.
Dan R. in Seattle, WA:
"Fuck it. I can't take it anymore."
Wow. It must REALLY suck being you.
COMING NEXT: Total mayhem.
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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