After many minutes of soul searching, I have come to the
conclusion that Elian should NOT have to go back to Cuba.
We, as Americans, need to open our arms to this unfortunate
child and father and welcome them with open arms. It shouldn't matter that his dad will not be able to get a high
paying job here, but our love for him and his son will make the positives outweigh the many, many negatives.
Okay, the above was bullshit, but I do have a wonderful,
nifty-neato plan.
Both sides should be able to benefit. If we keep Elian and
his poppa, we obviously have to give something back to Cuba.
That something is Cody Gifford.
This will benefit us greatly. We send Cody to Cuba, and
soon after we will also lose Kathie Lee, Frank and any other demonic spawn that have leapt from Kathie's womb.
Cuba is the perfect setting for Kathie Lee. She can keep
close tabs on the working conditions in her sweatshops and extoll the virtues of Cuba's newest hero, Cody. She
has plenty of practice jabbering on about Cody, and we have grown tired of it. However, in Cuba, this would be
something new. The best thing is, if she talks about him too much, she might be stoned to death, and that is not
necessarily a bad thing. Then she would be a martyr. That would be cool.
Frank is quite old. The sun and tropical setting would do
him some good. Besides, he doesn't have to worry about getting caught with a stewardess in Cuba, since there aren't
any. So, my plan will actually help Kathie Lee's and Frank's marriage. That would make me feel really warm and
fuzzy.
In a few months, after the exchange,we will forget about
Elian. We will also have the name Cody and Kathie Lee erased from our memories once and for all.
I like Frank and wish no harm to him since he is the obvious
stud monkey. He just needs to go to a doctor and have the demon-possessed sperm exorcised from his body.
Then, and only then, peace will finally come to all corners
of the world.