I'm Pissed! for 06/05/00 & 06/08/00

06/05/00
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I'm Pissed!

By "John Stevenson"

The script for "Weirdcrap.go.cc: The Movie" has been started! We have finished the first line on the first page and we are amazed at where the story can now go. Still haven't received word back from Deborah Foreman ( who is great, by the way) but we still have our fingers crossed.

I woke up early on Thursday morning and turned on ESPN2 and caught the last 15 minutes of a fishing show. I watched as a pot-bellied, baseball-cap-wearin', Budweiser- drinkin', Skoal-chewin' asshole giggle as he held a fish weighing thingy with a fish attached to it via a huge hook through its mouth.

So, he weighs the fish as he talks redneck with his other pot belied friends in the boat, then he takes the fish off the hook and puts it back in the water.

What kind of shit is this? Supposedly, the fish feels no pain when it has a hook inbedded in it's lower jaw. What kind of backwards folk thought this up?

This poor fish had just been swimming around minding its own damn business when it sees a tasty morsel sitting there in the water. So, it tries to eat this morsel only to have a hook impale its lower jaw and then it is drug through the water and then scooped up out of the water. The hook is then removed from Mr. Fish, but a bigger hook is then shoved into its mouth, and fishy can do nothing but slowly die as Mr. Redneck weighs fishy fish.

Suddenly, redneck man rips the hook out of the fishes mouth and throws him back in the water. The fish is now completely fucked up in the head, and it slowly swims away in severe pain. All this happened because it was hungry.

Mr. Tobacco Chewin' Man claims this is a sport.

Fine.

What I will do is dangle a can of warm Budweiser and a bowl of stale beernuts in front of your face, and when you grab them, I will shove a 4 foot long hook up your ass and drag you to a weighing maching. I will then rip the hook out and jam a bigger hook up your ass so I can weigh you, then I will rip that hook out and throw you back into one of the aisles of Wal Mart. See how you like it.

There are many organizations for ethical and humane treatment to animals. How come they do not include the fish?

Is it humane how the fish are treated? Is it ethical?

Nope.

Therefore, this site will now have the tag line "We believe in the humane treatment of fishies." We will also picket the fishing section of Wal-Mart (since that is where the rednecks go), and our voices shall be heard! If we can spread the word to 2 people, then we have done our job. And if those 2 people tell 2 more people, then a total of 6 people will know (not including us here)! That is very inspiring to us. It is a cause we seriously believe in.

That, and legalized nude dancing nationwide, which we are also working on. Oh yeah, and lower prices on cigarettes, which is a mighty good cause. Fuck those wannabes on TheTruth.com, or Truth.com, whatever it is. Those spokepeople for that site are very annoying. It kinda looks like they all smoke that wacky weed. Well, they all talk like they do and they all have vacant stares.

Just an observation I have made.

No drug induced hospital stays or car accidents for Matthew Perry recently. Maybe he cleaned his act up.

Nah.

But Darva is still a skanky whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEXT UP: I kick the shit out of Bob because he will annoy me this Tuesday!!!

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I'm Pissed! for 06/08/00

06/08/00
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I'm Pissed!

By "John Stevenson"

If you only do one thing today, please remember to visit Deborah Foreman's site which has some really cool stuff. We have provided a link located (kind of) to the right.

We will not be posting anything new next Wednesday or the following Sunday, since we will be scouting locations for the big budget "Weirdcrap.go.cc: The Movie". Page one of the script is almost halfway done!!

Who in the hell is Eminem, and why do I despise him so? Got me. Bleach blonde midget poseurs generally rile me up. I can only hope that in 10 years he will be as much remembered as a piece of fly shit. His mother is suing him for defamation of character because he claimed, in one of his musical masterworks (?), that she did drugs. Maybe that's why he turned out the way he did. Now, on his new album, he has a song about wanting to rape his mother. What a dick. Betcha John Rocker and Eminem are pen pals.

Yeah, people will buy it because they think he is soooo cool. I just hope they remember to save a few pennies so they can buy that can of paint to sniff. These are all future leaders of the world, remember.

I watched an episode of VH1's "Behind the Music" featuring Quiet Riot recently. Those shows are always interesting and, no matter who is featured, I can always find at least one song by the featured artist that I like, even just a little. Not Quiet Riot. I felt they sucked back in the '80's and feel that they suck now.

I think that Oprah is getting a little bit to full of herself. At a recent commencement speech, she made sure she reminded the graduating class about her tv show, her "book club" and her magazine.

Yeah, Oprah, that's what a commencement speech is for. It may seem to you that a commencement is a perfect place to plug your products since you are obviously shallow and egotistical. Seriously, do you really think there may be someone out there who has NOT heard about you, considering your "book club" and tv show are shoved down our throats?

Get a fucking clue.

On a personal note, anything with that "Oprah Seal of Approval" will never get a dime from me. I am boycotting her. You should too.

Here here are some new movie reviews!!!!!

"Chicken Run"--Looks like it is about chickens. Will be lots of kids in theater. Noisy. Wait till it comes to ABC.

"A Perfect Storm"--A HUGE wave, lotsa rain and a little boat. Is this the big screen version of "Gilligan's Island"?

"Titan A.E."--The video game "Dragon's Lair" finally hits the big screen! Yeah!!

"Gone in 60 Seconds"--What is this about? Is Angelina Jolie transparent or really, really pale? Where's her brother? WHAT IS THIS MOVIE ABOUT?

"Big Momma's House"--Wasn't this done a few years ago with Robin Williams?

The top 5 on the bitch-o-meter:

1) Darva Congers---(Still a skanky whore)
2) Matthew Perry---(No recent news. Is he dead?)
3) Oprah Winfrey---(See above)
4) Kathie Lee Gifford---(No comment needed)
5) The 300 pound bitch that said my hair is too long.

Please remember to click on the ads so we don't have to work and can sit on the porch and drink beer all day.

COMING SUNDAY: I have no idea.

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