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Lunatic Ravings! (07/17/00 & 07/20/00)

07/17/00

Lunatic Ravings!
By "Steven Johnson"

New title, same idiot. Pretty cool.
I was remiss in not mentioning a really nice Deborah Foreman site called "In Worship O' Deborah Foreman". We have included a link to that site, plus Deborah's site as we usually do. Again, visit both and see what you may have missed.

Right now I am listening to Cat Stevens and I am about to write about pornography. Is it okay for me to do that? Or will I be hunted down and shot? A chance I am going to have to take, I guess.

In the good ole state of Nebraska, there is a store called Dr. John's which is located on Pacific Street in Omaha. This store sells bathing suits and lingerie, and it also has a selection of "marital aids".

The righteous twats in the "city" are trying their best to shut this store down, because they feel that it will contribute to the moral decay of our society.

However, citizens of Omaha can take a 15 minute car trip across the state line to Iowa and buy the same products. This town, called Council Bluffs, also has casinos. And the town is not decaying, but almost thiriving. Well, as much as an Iowa town can.

So, these righteous folks in Nebraska don't want "smut" in their fair city, yet it is okay for Nebraskans to go to Iowa and contribute to their economy. Interesting.

Iowa started a state lottery, yet Nebraska did not at first, because they were worried that people would rather spend money on a lottery instead of purchasing red Husker football shit.

A few years after Iowa had the lottery, some of them guvment Nebraskans noticed that Iowa was making money off the lottery!! Amazing!!!

So, Nebraska started their own state lottery.

No casinos in Nebraska, though. Casinos, some Nebraskans believe, brings in the HOOKERS!!!! Oh goodness, life has ended, as we know it, if there are hookers in the city. Look what happened to Nevada.

So, back to the porn story. If you happen to check the store in Iowa, a majority of the vehicles at all times of the day are from Nebraska. So, we are supporting Iowa's economy by shopping there and maybe even getting gas there, plus a burger since there is a Burger King/McDonalds located right near the store.

The police sent a narc, a 17 year old kid, into Dr. John's. He showed a fake ID and was allowed entrance into the store. So, the kid buys something and the owner of the store is busted for selling to a minor.

The way I see it, those righteous Nebraskans had no problem sending an underage kid into a store that sells pronography, and now that kid is fucked up for life. Isn't he at that impressionable age when he sees these videos, and other products, something in his brain is going to snap and he is going to start killing people? Isn't that the worst age to show something that causes moral decay?

Fine, go ahead and close it down. People will still go to Iowa and buy their stuff, or they can buy it right off the internet. I admit, I have watched 1 porno movie, and that was for research purposes. I didn't feel morally decayed in any way. Weird. (Bob, by the way, watches nothing but porn. And he isn't fucked up at all.)

Close the porn shop, and everyone can just go to the millions of bars located in Omaha. Hell, there isn't much else to really do except drink in that city. Ask anyone from Omaha what they can do for fun in that city and they will most likely say, "We have a really nice zoo."

Great, that's just fantastic. Let the people who think that a little shop is going to corrupt their fair city, when it is actually the smell of the ape shit from the zoo.

Hey, they do have a new auditorium that is going to be built. And there was no problem getting that to pass duing the election. I am surprised that it did since some anti-auditorium gentleman claimed the kids did not want a new auditorium. Yeah, right. And Nebraska is the good life.

I guess what I am trying to say is just leave the damn store alone. What problem is it actually causing??

Regina has a problem with support groups. We think she is da bomb. Don't bother to ask me who she is, cause I really don't know, but I do know she hates support groups. We have therefore decided to make her a charter member of our club. We have always wanted to form a non-supportive club. If you got a problem, we don't care, and don't come to us for support. Thanks, Regina.

I hope that everything I wrote above was really disjointed. Being disjointed pleases me, yet it pisses Bob off. Remember, he's a porn freak. He's going to hell. But he smokes. WE CANNOT REITERATE ENOUGH THE PLEASURES OF LIGHTING UP A GOOD CIGARETTE. I think we should round up those people in those truth.com commercials and hose them down. They all seem to be needing a good washing. And can they get any more pompous???

Fuck this, I got better stuff to do.

NEXT: We unveil the title of the movie!! And, we attempt to rewrite history, so more kids can gruaduate!! Also, Bob lists his top 10 cigarette brands!! Plus, Bob explains how and why he shot himself in the ass!! All this and so much more!!!!

07/20/00

Lunatic Ravings!
By "Steven Johnson"

After many late night sessions, we still have not decided on a name for the movie. I kninda thought that "Full Metal Debra" and Debra Foreman Don't Wear Plaid", but those were nixed. Good ole Bob thought "Valley Girl 2: Jugement Day" might work, but we laughed him out of the office. So, "Weirdcrap.go.cc" is still the working title. It grows on you after awhile, we think.

I went to a local book store recently to purchase some reading material. I was a little shocked when I noticed the parking lot was almost full When I got inside, I discovered the reason why.

I have NEVER seen so many unattended children in one place in my whole life. Kids were everywhere, smearing books with their peanut butter and jelly stained hands.

A bunch of older women were gathered around a display of books, and I noticed a lot of pushing and punching in the crowd. Interested, I creeped a bit closer to see what the big fuss was about.

It was for the new Harry Potter book.

A children's book.

Adults fighting over a children's book.

Oh, don't let them fool you. It is NOT for their kids. Their kids are so friend in the brain from videogames and Teletubbies, that they can't put compete sentences together.

Nope, these women are buying the book for themselves. They have gotten enough of those well-written Harlequin romances that they need something new. So, they pick up a simple, easy to read kids book instead.

The dumbing down of America, indeed.

I told someone at work that they were reading a kids book. They told me that the book is over 700 pages. What difference does that make?? Does that NOT make it a kids book?

I have also seen the pictures of "children" raptly engrossed in these books. Don't let those pictures fool you. They are all 40 year old midgets. It is only the marketing geniuses at Scholastic Books at work, making it seem as if kids are really reading them, so other kids will want to read them.

It is a conspiracy of some sort. There is something in those books that are causing adults to act like idiots. regretfully, I will never find out why since I will never read one.

Now you know why the top shows are crap like "Who Wants to be a Millionaire", "Survivor" and "Friends". Total bummer.

So, this is why we are going to rewrite history. Noone really cares about what happened before 1900 so that is where we are going to start. By doing this, we are helping the children by shortening history for them, so they might pay a bit more attention in class AND their history book will be a hell of a lot lighter! We are such good people!

We'll keep all the good stuff in and change the really bad stuff, since people basically want to forget about bad things. We will "gloss" those over. No more dates from the 1400's to remember, since that time did not exist! Kids will only have to remember 100 years! And they all can be future contestants on a game show!! WOW!

And this is coming soon, in time for the new school year.

I can't wait for the new Pokemon movie. The animation has got to be awesome considering the other movie only came out about a year ago. This will probably put Disney to shame.

Bob doesn't want to make a list of his favorite cigarettes. "I don't have a favorite," he said. "I just smoke whatever I can steal, and they all taste damn good to me." Gee, thanks Bob.

I like the jackass who is willing to pay you a quarter so they can bum a smoke off you. They are basically willing to pay you $5.00 for a pack of cigarettes that you only pay $3.00 for. I smell a get rich quick scheme here.

I wonder what it takes to be listed in the "Entertainment Weekly" magazine internet section. Last week they listed an address for a site that is no longer in operation. We're in operation. What about us?

I make no sense at all.