Jeremy had a steel rod inserted in his back because he was supposedly
seriously hurt when he performed the bus experiment. Due to this, we have decided to give Jerome some time off
before we have him perform a new experiment.
I have been wondering why we haven't seen the Gore family playing touch football recently. It wasn't like the first
time they showed them playing it wasn't fake. I think the days of the giggling family playing touch football are
way behind us.
I believe that we haven't seen them playing recently is due to the fact that their buttocks are so clenched up
that they really could not play. They would all look like a bunch of tin soldiers trying to play. Watch the way
that Al and Tipper jog. They both jog like their buttocks are clenched tightly. This is what happens when you feel
a great loss about to happen.
Yet we did not see Tipper playing football. This is probably because she was inside listening to some Black Sabbath
backwards trying to decide if Ozzy is saying "Kill yourself for Satan is your God" or "Reading is
fundamental". Who knows, her name is Tipper, so who really gives a shit?
I really could care less now who wins. However, whoever wins can start a war with some small country to get the
support of us Americans. Killing people in far away countries really seems to help us all band together. My, aren't
we pathetic?
Since the year 2000 is almost gone, Bob and I are going to jump on the bandwagon and treat you with some of our
top ten lists. These will include movies, music and much more. This helps us by taking up space and makes it look
like we took some time to compile them, which is really far from the truth. These will probably start next week.
If not, then the week after.
Hell, let's start now.
Top ten hookers we slept with in 2000:
Bob
1) Jasmine
2) Kris
3) Angel
4) Sammie
5) Tanya
6) Ariel
7) Lucretia
8) Penelope
9) Diamond
10) Ophelia
Stephen
None.
I am not like Bob. Besides, he could have a top 100 list of hookers and still have at least 100 more. He is a sick,
sick man.
COMING NEXT: Why there
are no casinos in Utah. And, maybe, another top ten of 2000 list.
By "Stephen Johnson"
I would like to thank Cyndi Kirkpatrick for writing a wonderful article about this site that you can
read by clicking HERE. In no way did we offer Cyndi any money
or objects (like a new car) for writing about us.
Right now I am in Al Pacino, "Godfather 3" mode. I made a promise to myself, as well as a silent promise
to all of you, to now badmouth the Mormons for a while. However, I find myself sucked back in. They want a war
and, by great goodness, they are going to get one.
I don't ask for much in life. I just want to watch "Raw" on Monday nights and "Smackdown" on
Thursdays. These are simple things.
For some reason, "Smackdown" was cut off 5 minutes into the broadcast 2 weeks ago and did not come back
on. I thought it was a one time glitch, so I drank myself into a stupor and vomited on my neighbors car. It was
kind of funny because the next morning he had to chip it off due to the freezing overnight temperatures.
This past Thursday I was all prepared for some good solid rasslin' action, only to find out it had been pre-empted
by a holiday special and a Billy Graham crusade thing to convert people to the Lord. Glory be!!! Because of this,
"Smackdown" was pushed back until 11 pm mst, which was okay by me.
I turned to see what had pre-empted "Smackdown" during the first hour and saw that some woman named Kay
Malone was offering up holiday tips. I have no idea who she is, but I can only assume she is Karl Malone's wife.
That, I suppose, makes her an expert on holiday tips. I guess it would have been fun to watch if she didn't have
serious problem reading her cue cards.
I could not sleep, and this was probably due to my Diet Dew/cigarette diet, so I was awake to watch "Smackdown".
I watched the first 1 1/2 hours then it went off the air with half an hour left to go. Since I was out of beer,
I had no way to vent so I arranged my outdoor Christmas lights so that it looked like Rudolph was taking a massive
dump. Then I went to bed.
I was awakened by a loud knocking at my front door. I stumbled to the door and was met by some members of the neighborhood
association who asked me, quite politely, to please remove the Rudolph thing on my front lawn since it would send
out the wrong message to the children.
Even though I told them that the children could go to hell, they were pretty adamant. So, I quickly showered and
went to the store for some beer and spent the majority of the morning cleaning up the Rudolph display. I did string
up some lights in the window that spells out "Mormons worship Satan", but I don't think I will hit them
with that until Christmas Eve.
What does that have to do with anything? Well, I'll tell you. I have a theory that the Mormons are behind my rasslin'
programming woes. I don't know what the exact theory is, but I can see no other explanation. Sure, it might be
a simple snafu, but blaming the Mormons is so much better. They think that I will go slowly insane because they
keep shutting down my show and that I will coming running to them for help and leadership.
I'm sorry all you Mormonians, but it is not going to work out that way. I am going to start by converting the Mormon
children. They want to know the pleasures of smoking. All children do. I am going to smoke only half a cigarette
and throw the remainder on the ground. I smoke about 4 packs a day, so that will be 80 cigarettes waiting for the
young ones.
Children like picking things off the ground and putting it into their mouths. When they get their first taste of
some nicotine, they will never go back. They will not be able to become "good" Mormons and will be shunned.
All the children become shunned and that will make it that much harder for Mormonianism to carry on.
Soon, all other Mormons will decide that there is no more use going on and will search out a new leader and that
will be me and all will be good in the world. All this because I think that they maybe had something to do with
my rasslin' programming being shut off. I'm not petty.
No top ten list today. I'm still trying to decide if what I wrote above makes any sense.
COMING NEXT: Hopefully,
no more Mormon bashing.