Lunatic Ravings!
By Stephen Johnson
Jerome met with another horrible accident that almost cancelled his newest venture.
But Jerome is a trooper. He is a "man's man". He is "all that and a bag of chips". I could
go on, but I think I got my point across. You see, Jerome is "da bomb".
While in a meeting on Tuesday regarding his newest quest, which is mentioned in my last column, Jerome decided
to play around with an ottoman. We were discussing what Jerome should do when we heard a couple of very loud cracks
and Jerome screamed.
We looked over at Jerome and discovered him rolling around on the floor clutching his lower legs. With our medical
expertise we found that Jerome had snapped both of his ankles with the ottoman. How, we will never know, but it
was definitely the ottoman's fault.
After we brought Jerome back from the hospital he was adamant about performing his newest task. We tried to dissuade
him, but the mixture of the pain pills and Schlitz malt liquor made us weak and, since Jerome was the only lucid
one amongst us, we decided to let him go.
After taping a recorder and microphone to Jerome's body, we sent him on his merry way. Jerome finally made it back
late Wednesday with the tape. What follows is transcribed from that tape:
Cashier: "How are you today?"
Jerome: "I'm fine, just like
you."
C: (giggles) "Thanks."
J: "What's your name?"
C: "Towanda."
J: "Hey, what time you get
off?"
C: (giggles) "About half
an hour. Why, you got something you wanna do?"
J: "Lots of things."
C: "Like what?"
J: "Why don't you hook up
with me after you get off and I'll show you?"
C: "Mmmmmmm. I'd like that."
At this point the tape cut off. Jerome claims he had an erection that happened
to hit the stop button on the recorder.
Bob was pissed when he heard the tape. Jerome basically failed in his mission and, even though he did get laid
that night, he did not get the answer to my question.
I really didn't mind, but Bob did and he proved this by hitting Jerome's ankles with a baseball bat.
This caused further snapping of more cartilage and bone in Jerome's feet and we had to rush him back to the hospital.
After a couple of hours of surgery and a lot of metal inserted into his feet, Jerome hobbled out of the hospital.
This just proves my point that Bob is a fucking dick.
COMING NEXT: More pointess
shit that will bore you and me.
Look for a new "Lunatic Ravings" each Monday and Thursday.
