Lunatic Ravings!
By Stephen Johnson
After watching the Super Bowl Halftime Spectacle, I was left with a foul taste in my mouth, which tasted
like beer backwash mixed with nacho Doritos, and the satisfaction of knowing that I have been right when I have
compared 'N Sync with a steaming pile of dog shit lying on the front sidewalk.
I just don't see the thrill in seeing a bunch of people prancing around a stage with moves so choreographed they
look like a Disney animatronic display on crack.
I also have a hunch that the 'N Sync/Britney Spears/Backstreet Boys demographic weren't watching the Super Bowl.
A majority of them were probably at their local mall getting their navels pierced or were online in a chatroom
discussing how they were going to somehow horribly maim Britney so they could get their hands on that dreamy Justin.
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| Giant and Ravin players console each other after hearing about the half-time
line-up. |
So I watched 'N Sync prance around singing something about "bye-bye" waiting for Aerosmith come on to
make things right. And come on they did but, to my shock and horror, they decide to sing that godawful "Armageddon"
piece of pap smear shit, and the beer started to rise in my throat along with chunks of other stuff.
Another bit from the Sync boys and back to Aerosmith with "Walk this Way", a great anthem from the 70's,
which only got destroyed by Britney and the boys. At this time, the beer/food mixture started to spew from my mouth
and my wife was telling me to hold my hand up to my mouth so that I wouldn't get anything on the carpet, but this
didn't work because it just squirted out from between my fingers.
Nelly popped up on stage and gave the show some badly needed edge and soon after that the show was thankfully over.
I swallowed what remained in my mouth and turned to my wife to apologize, but she had went to the kitchen to get
some Resolve carpet cleaner to clean up my little mess.
I wonder if there was a heated bitch slap/scratch fight between 'N Sync and the Backstreet Boys in the dressing
room? That would have been more exciting then the actual game.
Oh well, we can always look forwards to the Megadeth/Celine Dion halftime show next year. Or how about Black Sabbath/Christina
Aguilera? Pantera/Jessica Simpson? Marilyn Manson/Charlotte Church? Wow, the possibilities are endless!!
COMING NEXT: A legitimate
UFO abduction! Or something else.