Lunatic Ravings!
By Stephen Johnson
I have mentioned truth.com commercials before and since they keep putting them out, I just have to keep
on giving my thoughts on them.
The most recent one I have seen is the one with a kid prancing around like a spasticated dickless pickle head with
a sock puppet on his right hand and a sign proclaiming "Smoking Blows" on the left side of the screen.
Granted, the folks at truth.com are entitled to their views as, anyone is, and its kind of a neato thing that kids
are into this anti-smoking thing (for some ungodly reason), but it doesn't help when this kid prancing around is
wired on Ecstasy or Raid ant poison.
I admit that I have placed a sock on my hand and pretended that it talked, but whenever I felt like dancing with
the sock, I lit up a cigarette and all those wacky thoughts immediately left my mind.
Having a kid dancing around with a sock puppet will only lead to worse things. The kid will eventually believe
that the sock is alive and this will weaken their mind more than it is and soon they are the head of a cult. I've
seen this happen before and know for a fact that none of these cult leaders smoked. Maybe the point is that the
dancing kid is cool and other kids will realize how cool he is because he doesn't smoke and they will also not
smoke. Or.........
Maybe they'll notice that since the kid doesn't smoke he isn't considered cool and is shunned which leads him to
make up friends, like the sock puppet, which in turn makes him look like a complete loser and no kid wants to be
a complete loser so they have their older brother run out to the local convenience store to pick them up a pack
of smokes so they can hang out with the cool people at school.
I hate the message of truth.com, whatever is is. I was at the store a couple of days ago because I needed to pick
up some items from the deli. As I waited for the deli lady to finish slicing my Provolone cheese, I noticed a lady
with two kids walk up to the deli and grab some free cheese samples and hand them to the children.
I thought nothing of this and completed my deli order and wandered around the store because I next needed some
bread. I passed the bakery and saw this same lady asking the bakery lady for some free samples for her kids.
The bakery lady obliged and I saw that this lady had a cart with no items in it. It dawned
on me that she was one of those people who took her kids to grocery stores and fed the kids for free by sampling
everything imaginable. For some reason, this made me completely snap.
I wandered some more around the store, my mind completely burning up. I came across a cereal display and noticed
that there was a free Matchbox car attached to every box. At this time the lady and her kids came into view, the
kids happily sucking on frozen legs of lamb.
I dropped the items I was carrying and ripped some of the free Matchbox cars off the boxes of cereal and threw
them at the lady and her kids and screamed, "Hey, you want some more free stuff? Huh? Do you?"
For some reason the manager was called and I was escorted, none to gently, from the store and was informed that
I was barred for life. Thinking back upon it, maybe I overreacted just a little.
COMING NEXT: The lady
leaves and I start calling up hookers!!!!!