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 Well, well, well. It seems that someone named Holly Wood has a problem
with Jennifer Lopez and her fat ass. And that's a good thing because Jennifer isn't really that talented if you
really think about it. But, she's put on a pedestal because she wore a slutty dress to the Grammy's and she was
(is?) fucking Sean "Shit, if I was talented I wouldn't have to rip off stuff from other artists" Combs.
I'm positive if the cops searched Jennifer after that nightclub shooting, they would have found a whole arsenal
clenched between her mammoth butt cheeks. I could bash her some more, but what's the point? Holly did it better
and it makes for a fine read, so go ahead and check it out!
A lot of people seem to be in shock over the Nicole Kidman/Tom Cruise breakup. Just let it go!! Breakups happen
all the time and we don't really need to have all these false assumptions thrown around. And Nicole, I'm here for
you. Tom, Bob's there for you. There, we got you both covered, another instance of how we like to give.
Since my chick left to go to Nevada, I figured I had no choice but to call up a local hooker service because I
have needs. However, I learned that Bob's hippy-chick left him to go to a commune because she wanted to put flowers
in her hair and dance around singing songs from "Hair".
I started to panic when I heard this news because I know that Bob has a severe masturbation problem. At one point,
he had to go in for a skin graft because he was masturbating so frequently that the skin on his penis was completely
rubbed off.
Ouch. Actually, it was more than once. The doctors had no choice but to remove skin from his forehead and, since
so much skin has been removed, he has a really sunken forehead.
I decided to take the $20.00 I had saved and called a hooker agency in Florida. I was told that I could get a grade
A hooker, but for only 5 minutes because 20 bucks doesn't get you much in Florida nowadays. I could have hired
myself a Utah hooker and the $20.00 would have been good for the whole night, but she would have been 15, Mormon,
and would have had to have her husband and 8 kids tag along. But, I felt that Bob needed it more than I did.
A time was arranged and the hooker showed upp at Bob's home. When he answered the door, he thought she was one
of the new breed of Girl Scouts who were selling cookies and told her that he wanted two boxes of Peanut Butter
Patties. She tried to explain that she was a hooker, but he wouldn't listen and kept demanding that she place his
order for cookies.
When it finally dawned on him that she would not place an order for cookies, he picked up one of his garden gnomes
and chased her down the street until he tired out. He then went home and locked the doors and masturbated and now
he is back in the hospital and I'm out $20.00 because the agency does not give refunds. It just doesn't pay to
be nice, I guess.
COMING NEXT: The Mormons
and the 2001 Olympics: The facts and the fiction. |