|
Commentary Archives!
Email
Stephen
x
x
x
x
|
|
 Megadeth---"Capitol Punishment"
I was going to introduce everyone to my happy place in a normal and forthright manner, but something recently happened
that changed my plans. Don't worry, I'll still let you in on where my happy place is, but it won't be in the exact
manner that I wanted to take you there.
If you read Bob's
latest opus, you will know that we caused Jerome great harm but it was
IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!! Maybe we got a little carried away, but we learned something from the experiment and that's
all that matters.
Jerome's insides have basically melted into a gooey substance not unlike Jell-O mixed with tapioca pudding. I guess
drinking Drano and shaving cream, along with many other assorted liquids, will do that to you. Now he has hundreds
of tubes poking out of every available orifice and he does kind of look like an alien, which we can, and do, laugh
about.
Recently we decided to treat Jerome to lunch at a local cafeteria since we felt a bit of pity for the poor lad.
We debated about bringing him to an amusement park but decided that some rides were a little too violent for Jerome
and we sure as hell didn't want to have to stick a dislodged tube back into his body.
As we ate, Jerome looked at us with, I think, pure love and respect. It was kind of hard to judge because the ingested
chemicals had caused one of his eyes to grow at least twice its size. The other eye was normal size but caked with
some sort of green substance that looks a bit like moss.
Jerome looked a bit hungry, so Bob started jamming some meatballs down his food tube. I guess meatballs give Jerome
gas because he farted long and loud. We thought the tube from his ass had fallen out due to the severity of the
fart but, when Bob tugged on it, it seemed to be still lodged in pretty tight.
This caused me to laugh for some reason, then I started coughing. Something flew from my mouth and I watched as
a little ball of phlegm headed towards a girl sitting at a table across from me.
It smacked her on the forehead and she cried out in shock. Her boyfriend looked at her forehead and saw the stuck
phlegm, then he looked over at us. He looked a little pissed and I knew we were in for some serious trouble.
He wiped the phlegm off his girlfriends forehead and then headed for out table. I warned Bob that there was trouble
coming and he cowered like a puppy about to get a good whupping.
The boyfriend stopped at our table and looked down at us. He demanded to know who had dirtied his girlfriends forehead.
I knew I had to think quick because I am way too pretty to be punched, so I pointed at Jerome.
The guy picked up Jerome and started shaking him like a can of WD40. Tubes started popping out at an alarming rate
so I decided to travel to my happy place.
For the next hour or so, I sat underneath a huge dandelion and spoke with a giant gnat about the benefits of saving
and storing pennies in a large, blue Tupperware bowl.
When I came back to the cafeteria, Jerome was laying on the floor flopping around like a fish out of water. His
assailant had left, but Bob was hiding under the table, crying like a baby.
I was still a bit hungry, so I picked up my cheeseburger and left the cafeteria in order to find a quieter place
to eat.
COMING NEXT: Why, Robert Downey, Jr., why???
Click
Here if you wanna give Stephen "A Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net |
|