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 Robert Plant---"Pictures at Eleven"
I usually try to do one good deed a year so that I can have a free pass to Heaven.
Generally, I wait until the end of the year to do the good deed since I am too lazy the rest of the year.
This year has turned out to be a bit different because I have already done my good
deed and now I don't have to hold a door open for old Mrs. White since her arms are full of gifts for homeless
children. She's going to have to figure out a way to open the door herself and that's too bad.
On Memorial Day, I saw a man, who was crying, standing by a car. I figured that maybe
he ran out of gas or that he lost his keys. I walked up to him and asked what his fucking problem was.
He explained to me that he had a fight with his girlfriend and she had locked herself
in that car and refused to let him in.
I looked through the driver side window and saw a small, beady-eyed, bald woman scowling
back at me. I jumped back and screamed at the top of my lungs.
"Jesus Christ!" I yelled at the man. "Do you really want to admit
that that THING is your girlfriend?"
He thought about that for a moment and smiled. "I guess you've got a point there,"
he said. "She is kind of a bit grotesque."
I knew that I would have to rescue this man from his pitiful existence, so I offered
to take him home to meet my wife and cook for us.
He immediately said yes and we both flipped of the girl in the car and left. I took
him home and introduced him to my wife. She grabbed an apron for him, showed him the kitchen and he started cooking
for us.
This lasted for a few days until we figured that the only thing he could cook was
canned soup, so we had to let him go. He was crying when I stopped the car on the freeway and politely told him
to exit, but I knew there would be a good samaritan who would be more than willing to help him out or run him over.
I found out that the girl in the car died from heat stroke because she couldn't find
the keys in her purse and she had not cracked a window. What a shame. I could have sold her to a carnival for some
major bucks.
Sometimes life just sucks.
COMING NEXT: I have a big collection of teddy bears
and they all have names.
Click Here
if you wanna give Stephen "A Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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