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For Disappointment,
Email Stephen
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 Lynyrd Skynyrd - "The Essential Lynyrd Skynyrd"
I would like to thank Bianca for the email. Your support and feedback are greatly appreciated!!
I was forced to go to Babies 'r' Us this past weekend so my female partner could check out the baby register for
her cousin and pick out a nifty gift to send since I was too lazy to go ahead and take a 6 hour trip to Los Angeles
in order to partake in a baby shower.
I was very afraid to enter that store since I had pictures of large, lactating women with a toddler in each arm
guiding a cartload of more children down the aisles with her enormous hips.
We went straight to the baby register computer in order to print out what the expected mom wanted. There was a
couple of people ahead of us, so I stood patiently and waited with my woman like a faithful little puppy.
The person on the computer finished and it was the next person's turn. She typed in the info needed and tried to
print out the list, but nothing came out.
She started talking to herself and this amused me because people that talk to themselves are quite insane. She
input the information again and pressed the print button but, again, nothing came out.
.
Now she was pissed and this made me giddy for some reason. She yelled at a store employee that the printer was
out of paper and stood waiting and started tapping her foot. This stopped my giddiness and I started to get pissed
because I utterly despise people who tap their foot due to show impatience.
The employee came over and, sure enough, the printer was out of paper. She filled it up and the printer started
to print out the customer's information.
The customer apologized to us, and my partner said that it was alright. I turned to her and yelled, "What
the fuck do you mean 'it's alright'?"
I turned back to the toe-tapping lady and explained in great detail why I was not going to accept her apology and
how her toe-tapping pissed me off. She muttered something which I really didn't hear, but it was enough to set
me off.
I swung at her but she ducked and my fist went through the computer. Before any women's group gets all up in arms
about my actions, I must let it be known that the woman was taller than me and I know she called me a filthy name,
so I was only protecting my feelings. Besides, I missed so it's not really that big of a deal.
After my hand was pulled from the computer and wrapped in a diaper to stem the squirting blood, I was escorted
from the store and told that I could no longer shop at any 'r' store. That kind of sucks because I do enjoy Toys
'r' Us.
It also sucks because I had to walk 5 miles home in 104 degree weather in order for me "to learn a lesson".
The only lesson I learned was that baby stores absolutely suck and that I need to learn how to aim a punch a little
bit better.
But that's not the lesson I told my wife I learned, because she is talking to me again. just have a feeling that's
she's playing with my head and is going to get back at me in the worst possible way.
COMING NEXT: Possessed garden statues.
Click Here
if you wanna give Stephen "A Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
A new Lunatic Ravings pops up each Monday and Thursday. |
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