|
|
|
 Stevie Wonder---"At the Close of the Century"
I noticed an old, dried bloodstain on our bed and asked my wife where it came from. She looked at me and said "You
know what it's from."
I thought about this for a little bit and finally confessed to her that I had no idea what she was talking about.
She laughed but wouldn't tell me where the blood had come from.
I thought that maybe I had a nosebleed one night, but decided against that since the stain was positioned in a
place where me face would never be.
I then remembered that I had been on the roof one day and had slipped and fell off, landing on a pile of bricks.
Lucky for me they were there to break my fall because if they weren't, I could have been seriously hurt.
When I landed, a corner of a brick tore into my stomach. I bled for a couple of days from the large gash in my
stomach but it did stop after I took a few Aleve. This had to be where the blood on the bed came from and I told
my wife this, but she didn't answer.
A few days after this, I came home early from work and heard some strange noises coming from the bedroom. Curious,
I opened the closed bedroom door and saw my wife standing on the bed with a chicken in one hand and a monkey in
the other.
She was singing "Juke Box Hero" and swinging the monkey and chicken around and around while dancing some
sort of Irish jig. The monkey look terrified but the chicken looked peaceful and dumb.
My wife stopped singing and dancing and threw the animals up in the air. When they landed on the bed, the monkey
grabbed the chicken by its neck and started wrestling with it.
The chicken was overmatched by the monkey and soon tired. The monkey grabbed the chicken by its head and pulled
it off. The headless chicken ran around the bed a bit while blood gushed from its neck until it finally fell and
lay still.
The monkey jumped up and down on the bed chittering while holding the chicken head. My wife let him celebrate for
a bit then she cut its head off with a carving knife.
Then she grabbed both heads and danced around the room. At this point I got bored and decided to go to the bar
since it was happy hour.
When I came home later, there were no animal bodies or blood in the bedroom and my wife seemed to be acting normal.
I didn't tell her what I had seen and she didn't act as if I had witnessed her little ritual, but I did have an
erection for two straight hours that night.
COMING NEXT: I answer some email.
Click Here
if you wanna give Stephen "A Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
A new Lunatic Ravings pops up each Monday and Thursday. |
|