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Send an Email to Stephen!
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 Various---"Saturday Night Fever: The Original Movie Soundtrack"
After searching for a couple of months, I have finally tracked down Bob Senitram!!!
I had given up hope on ever finding him until I heard that AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys had entered a rehabilitation
program because he felt that nobody loved him and he had a strong passion for consuming massive amounts of alcohol
along with other unknown substances.
I called a well placed source and was told that Bob was going to fill in for AJ in the Backstreet Boys. I was quite
naturally confused and also felt a bit ill when I heard this, but knew that I would have to forge ahead and get
the complete story.
In able to be a fitting replacement for AJ, Bob would have to have some funky hair growth on his face. Since Bob
has some sort of metabolic problem that causes his face to remain baby ass smooth at all times, I knew this would
cause a problem with the legions of Backstreet Boys fans.
.
Not so, I was told. Shoe polish applied to Bob's face would produce the desired facial hair effect. The one problem,
would be with the pyrotechnics since shoe polish is highly flammable, but that is a risk that the group would just
have to take.
How about the name? "Bob' would seem out of place among Kevin, Howie, Brian and Nick.
Easily rectified. My source explained that the group voted and decided that Bob would be known as "Sunshine".
I said al five names together a few times and was surprised to find that "Sunshine" fit perfectly.
What about the fact that Bob can't sing?
No problem with that either. As my source said, neither can the rest of the group. As long as Bob, or Sunshine,
sang "Aaaah" in a high pitched voice at least twenty times during each song, nobody would be the wiser.
As for Bob's low voice, my source pointed out that Bob could grab his testicles and squeeze every time he sang.
This would cause his voice to go a couple of octaves higher plus teen girls absolutely love a man who grabs his
crotch.
My source went on to explain that since Bob already suffers from everything AJ does, the rest of the group will
not be shocked by any mood swings or irrational behaviour. If Bob doesn't show up for a concert, that's fine because
that's what's expected.
The last remaining question I had was regarding the fact that Bob cannot dance.
As long as Bob took massive amounts of illegal drugs before each concert, my source was convinced that the convulsions
that would follow would be as good as dancing. There was also discussions about having stagehands carry electric
cattle prods so that they could zap Bob during the show whenever he seemed to be tiring.
So, there you have it. Everyone welcome the newest member of the Backstreet Boys, our own "Sunshine"
Bob!!!!
COMING NEXT: I feel some sort of retraction
and apology coming up.
Click Here
if you wanna give Stephen "A Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
A new Lunatic Ravings pops up each Monday and Thursday. |
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