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Lunatic Ravings - 09/10/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday and Thursday
Kick Axe---"Welcome to the Club"
The Wal Mart response watch is now 7 days. I did make a mistake when I stated that Connie sent an email to them,
when she had to send a letter through regular mail since the email she tried to send was too long and Wal Mart's
email would not accept it. So, I will have to allow them a bit of extra time for a response, but I'll probably
get a response the same day that "Bubble Boy" breaks 100 million at the box office.
I did get two emails from Miss Cleo though. She actually took the time to write me two emails because "We
believe your vibrations to be so string that I've endorsed a free Tarot reading with one of our elite psychics".
Wow!
But a few things do confuse me like who are "We"? I thought she answered all the calls. I didn't expect
my reading to be in the hands of one of her "elite psychics". Stuff like that makes me wonder if she
is legit.
Another confusing thing is that she gave me two different numbers to call. The first email had 1-800-851-5702,
while the second had 1-800-256-0408. What's up with that? Maybe one number will give me a bad reading and the other
will give me a good reading. It's a tough choice deciding which number to call, and it kind of reminds me of trying
to pick the right door on "Let's Make a Deal". PLEASE DO NOT CALL THE ABOVE NUMBERS!!!! THEY ARE NUMBERS
TO BE USED ONLY BY ME PER MISS CLEO'S INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!
What is she talking about when she says my "vibrations' are "strong"? What I do on my personal time
is really none of her business. Maybe she needs some of my strong vibrations because she hasn't gotten any lately.
How did she get my name? Well, my name was given to her by someone I had recently spoken to. I thought about this
for a little while and figured it had to be that guy who works at the local 7-11.
I decided to see if I was right and went to that 7-11. As luck would have it, Ahmed was working so I picked up
a cool refreshment and brought it to the counter.
Ahmed greeted me in that professional 7-11 way and told me the total of my purchase. When he was making my change,
I calmly asked him if he recently had a discussion with Miss Cleo about me.
He admitted he had so I shot him.
When I got home, I thought about what had just happened. If Miss Cleo was legit, wouldn't she have warned Ahmed
about not going to work that day, or at least to duck to the left when I shot?
I don't know, but I have the strangest feeling that Miss Cleo is going to go the way of the Psychic Friends Network.
Then it'll be my turn.
I'll be the guy tearing the intestines out of live sheep on your late night tv. Just give the 800 number scrolling
across the bottom of your screen and I'll wrap the intestines around my naked body and dance until I fall into
a stupor and then I'll tell you your future for a low, low price. After my prediction, I will then cook the intestines
to your liking and ship them directly to your home.
The first psychic/cooking show. Be on the lookout for that one.
COMING NEXT: I answer your email.
Whoopee.
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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