|
|
|
Lunatic Ravings - 09/24/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday and Thursday
Billy Sheehan---"Compression"
Some thoughts before I get on with some snappy answers to reader email:
.
Those responsible for the recent terrorist attack on the United States plus terrorist acts in the past must realize
that they have not awakened a sleeping giant, but sleeping GIANTS since they have awakened the whole world. Granted,
this war on terrorism will take some time and a lot of blood will be shed, but those with rational thought will
ultimately prevail.
No one should live in fear anywhere. This pertains not only to those that are faced with some sort of terrorist
activity on a constant basis, but those who believe in a faith that are being shunned, humiliated and having to
deal with violence on themselves and their families from people who are supposedly sane and gung-ho "real"
Americans.
Wake up America.
Remember where our ancestors came from. Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. If you want to take your own
brand of "justice" into your hands, you are really no better than an actual terrorist, and you should
be dealt with in the same way. Shame on you.
Now to the email!!!
Patty L. from Grand Rapids, MI:
"I was reading one of you old columns and it seems that you have a problem with today's youth. Are you gong
to tell us next that you had to walk 30 miles to school with newspaper as shoes since your family was too poor
to buy you shoes?"
I don't like your attitude, Patty, but I will answer your question anyway.
I had some really cool blue Adidas sneakers when I was a kid. School was maybe a mile away.
But one day on the way home from school, I saw a travelling salesman and he had some magic beans. I didn't have
any money, but I did have my blue sneakers. He told me that he would give me three beans for my sneakers. Since
I was an idiot due to the fact that I was a child, I gave him my sneakers.
I ran home with my magic beans and planted them in the backyard. When I went to bed that night, I knew that there
would be a huge plant in the backyard since I had heard about Jack and that beanstalk shit.
When I woke up the next morning, there was no huge plant. There was nothing at all where I had planted the seeds.
This depressed me and I told my parents about it and they beat me pretty good for giving up my sneakers.
Thanks for bringing back that memory Patty.
Chuck N. from somewhere in IA:
"Will the intestines you ship out have a freshness date on them? Do you ship overnight?"
Intestines don't need a freshness date since they never turn rotten. Since I believe in my product, I will hand
deliver every order received, therefore there will be no overnight delivery.
By the way Chuck, I've heard that you're quite the sexy one. Is this true?
Larry N. in Bethesda, MD:
"I like it when my dog sniffs my crotch. It makes me feel tingly all over."
Larry N. + his email=a definite product of inbreeding.
NOW FOR THE WALMART/SAM'S CLUB UPDATE:
Connie received a response on 9/1301 regarding her Sam's Club adventure in the form of a phone call from a district
manager or something like that. I was the one who took the phone call and don't actually pay attention to what
the person on the other end says, but I do remember he was a manager of some sort.
Anyway, he gave me a number to have Connie call back since she was not home so he could talk to her about what
had happened. She did the next day and he apologized for what happened and offered her a free membership, which
she declined. Nice touch on his part and the Walmart Corp.
On Tuesday 9/18/01, Connie received a letter from Walmart. Inside was a letter of apology, the offer still for
a free membership plus a $50.00 Walmart gift card. Pretty cool!!
So, this past Saturday, we went to SUPER Walmart. We wanted to go to the high tech Walmart, not one of those run
of the mill regular ones. Nope, it was high class for us that day.
We picked up some cat litter and other assorted shit, and then went to the checkout lane to purchase those products.
I told Connie that I would wait outside because I needed a smoke.
Ten minutes later, she walked out with nothing. Why?
Because the gift card that was so generously given to her had not been activated.
Guess who's still really pissed at Walmart.
NEXT WEEK: A real humdinger of a doozy.
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
|
|
|
