She ran to her coat, then to her empty, even of crumbs for she had eaten them
with the last of the mayonnaise, cookie jar and pulled out the rolled $100 dollar bills Puffy kept for emergencies.
“If this isn’t an emergency, I don’t know what is.” She consoled herself. Mark’s Deli and Grocery was only 2 blocks
away. Jennifer figured that if she made up for the calories burned by eating an extra Ho Ho, she’d be all right.
So she ran, telling herself it would do her butt good, like a glass of whole milk washing down her Tastycake goodies.
Passing gawking strangers, she ran like a lunatic down the busy New York streets. Like a wolf on the prowl, her
incisors seemed to have sharpened into points and saliva was dribbling down her chin. Never in her life has she
run so fast, high on the endorphins that surged through her fat ass. Never mind the calories being burned, she’d
make up for them later.
Finally, she had barged into the door of the store. In one hand she grabbed a basket. In the other, she had already
ripped open a Snickers bar and chewed furiously. Like the frightening mothers in a Toys R’Us at Christmas, she
waddled up and down the aisles. Nothing was safe from her frantic hands. Coffee cake, pastrami, Oreo’s, chocolate
pudding, whipped cream, Cocoa Puffs, Yodels, Betty Crocker muffin mixes, Tostitos, Haagen Daz, Sara Lee Pound Cake,
animal crackers, marshmallows, and of course, her eyes widened as she approached the Poptarts. It was Tuesday after
all...
The varieties of this square form of sweetness astounded her. Up and down, she walked the breakfast item aisle,
ogling over the Blueberry, salivating over the Strawberry, panting for the S’mores. All the while, her loads of
groceries piled on her like the excess baggage of her rear. She grabbed every type available and booked for the
checkout.
But our pear-shaped heroine wasn’t done, no, not yet. Today was the day Jennifer Lopez would discover the beauty
and wondrous joy of the Grocer’s freezer.