When I finally woke up I saw that Yvonne was still sleeping. I didn't want to wake
her so I walked quietly to the bathroom. I look back at her still naked figure and couldn't help but smile to myself.
I took a quick shower and decided to see how much heroin we had left. To my shock there was none. I couldn't believe
we did it all. I know I was pretty ducked up but I could have sworn that there was plenty of heroin left. I decided
that I didn't want this party to end. I was going to get more. I knew that I couldn't really afford it but what
the hell, I could pay my rent late, no big deal.
On my way to score I started to think about what I was doing. I couldn't possibly be addicted could I? Let's see,
I'm going to pay my rent late to score more heroin. I've paid my rent late before for all kinds of reasons right?
I'm just doing it to keep Yvonne here right. I really don't want the heroin that much I just want Yvonne to stay
right? Hell I'll have plenty of time to think about this later. Of course I'm not addicted. It's amazing how we
justify almost anything to ourselves. I knew I was lying to myself but I wasn't ready to admit it yet.
I returned to my apartment ready to duck out. To my surprise Yvonne was still sleeping. I admired the silhouette
of her beautiful figure again. I decide it's time she woke up. I walk over to her and gently shake her. No response.
I roll her over and the needle breaks in her arm. Her eyes are open and reflect no life. I can hear the pounding
of my heart in my head. My palms become sweaty and I think I'm going to scream like a bitch. I don't have to check
her pulse. I know she's dead. I run to the bathroom and vomit.
What the hell do I do? I have to think clearly. I can't panic. I must remain calm. I wash my face with cold water
and try to clear my head. I walk back into the living room and I see the heroin. My pulse quickens my body says
yes, my mind says no. What the hell, I'll duck out and lose control for a while and then I can deal with this.
This is too much for me to deal with. What the hell would I tell the cops? Wouldn't I be indicted for involuntary
manslaughter? Hell I didn't know and I didn't want to know. I ducked out.
That brings me back to the present. Two weeks have passed. The smell isn't that bad once you get used to it. You
see I won't have to face the fact that there is a dead rotting women in my living room as long as I duck out right.
I'm not addicted, I just don't want to realize that Yvonne is dead. That I killed her. That she liked the ducks
so she had to go. The needle still protrudes from my arm. I take in a deep breath and sigh. Nothing like ducking
out to take the edge off.
I vaguely realize reality. I know there is a dead women in my house. I know it stinks. I think I saw some maggots
or worms or something. I really should do something about it. I look at the heroin and decide I should duck out
one more time. I take the needle out of my arm and look at the multiple track marks in both my arms. I smile to
myself as I think I'm not addicted. I fix the needle using the rest of the heroin and I duck out one last time. |