The Model Employee
by
Bel Garion

Memo:

The following account was found in the bowels of a former employee at this company.

01/08/01 - I think all my friends at work are a little upset at me about something. I will attempt to brush up on my office politics this week. I hate suffering due to my own social ignorance.

01/10/01 - I have been asking around, trying to figure out why everyone has been so stand offish with me lately. I mean, I shower regularly, brush my teeth, so what’s the problem. Am I going down for something and they just haven’t told me yet?

01/11/01 - Maybe they noticed me leaving early yesterday, all they would have to do is review the camera log… I’ll leave out the back today. Just because the camera time may be a little off and I don’t want to make them think I am stealing time.

01/12/01 - Today I noticed someone following me. She was there when we all went to both breaks and she was in the lunchroom when I went to lunch. Each time she looked up at me sharply as I entered the room and then quickly looked away, probably hoping I didn’t see her.

01/15/01 - Well that took care of that. Today when I saw that girl at break I walked right up to her and spat in her face. I told her that she better not follow me around anymore. She was horrified at the sudden revelation that I knew she had been spying on me. She began to cry, knowing that they would fire her for her incompetence.

01/16/01 - They aren’t kidding around anymore. They’ve hidden a camera in the air vent just above my desk. I still haven’t figured out what I did. Maybe someone just decided that I would have to go and now they are waiting for an excuse to get rid of me.

01/22/01 - I have typed my up my manifesto and some excerpts from my daily logs, placed them into a ziploc bag. I am also wearing kevlar, a sidearm, and am prepared to resist with force should they try to remove me today. I will stuff the bag up my ass so, if I do not survive, it can be found be the authorities.



I suggest you spend some time considering how you can make your workplace a little less stressful.
Please take the time to have the camera above his desk removed before the police find it.

Thanks,
Bel Garion
Internal Affairs

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Courtesy of TheWeirdcrap.com