Weirdcrap Stories

"Hey," Steven said,"let's not fuck with the cheap labor o.k." He turned toward Elian, "Elian you've been bad, I've told you to stop threatening Americans with your Cuban death. Now scrub the floors, sew me a wallet, and report to Kathy Lee bathroom duty! Elian jumped off his milk crate and stomped off to the mop sink. Steve turned to the waitress's "O.K. ladies!" Then pointed to us. "By that I mean you guys." He bust out laughing. And why not, it was the best joke he knew. "I kill myself." He said. "Better you do it, than I do it," I thought, "No better me do it..." Steve wiped the tears from his eyes and yelled, "Trash run!" All of the back of the house employees gathered. With cans in hand we made our death march to the dumpsters. "Hey Kelvin, how much do you like this job?" I asked. "It sucks ass," He said. "Then lets dump this shit in Steve's car and go get wasted." "Sounds good to me, boss." We unloaded coffee grounds, chicken bones, dog skulls, eye of newt, colostomy bags, used condoms, and other assorted goodies. On top of all that we pissed in it. Bolaki reached in and grabbed a half eaten chicken wing and started to gnaw. "Jesus dude, we fuckin’ peed on that shit, man!" I yelled. He shrugged, threw the bare bone back on the pile, scratched himself and went back in. "Fuck!" Kevin screamed in my ear. "Jesus that's my fuckin' ear dude!" I screamed back. With out-stretched arms he yelled, look at the fucking car you jackass. I looked up and who's car do I see before me, the popes. We dumped trash and peed in the pope mobile. "When the fuck did he start coming here?" I asked. "He likes big tits," he said. "Are we going to hell," Kelvin asked? "Yes!" Elian screamed from the door. "I will bring you to Cuba and send you screaming into the pits of..." "Shut your dirty cum catcher," I said, "And take a bath, it smells like you been on a raft for weeks." I held my hand out like was going to smack him, then kicked him in his little balls. This is what we get for try to get fired when were already way too high.

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