Well... I guess there's way too much poetry on this page, so I'll bring it to a close with one last poem. Be on the lookout for a new page coming soon, with more, hopefully not as depressing, poems by yours truly.
By the way, I moved on a LONG time ago, but she just drudged up some painful memories in an email she sent me so I just poured this out...
To My Ex-Fiance
1-04-2001
Don't you know how much I cared
Yes, the impossible I would have dared
To think you would love me forever
And know we would be together
Until the end of time but your heart
Was lying when we were apart
And you left me dreaming of a day
When you wouldn't be far away
And we'd be married, but you cheated,
Crushed my heart and left me defeated
While you still wore my ring on your finger.
I wonder if memories of me still linger
After you burried my heart in a bottomless hole
And I continued to love you- heart, body, and soul.
Well, it's been over now for a couple of years
But I think of you and I drown in my tears
Knowing it should have been my child.
But the loser you picked left you and you went wild
And married someone else to take care of you
Without thinking of me whose heart had stayed true.
It would serve you right to find a worse end
For breaking me past where I only bend.
So maybe someday you will regret-
I pray to God that you never forget
To think of what you did to me.
You're just a painful memory
Maybe someday my heart will be free.
For You
12-20-2000
This one's for you
A moment of my life
A short dream come true.
Could all the rest have been just bad dreams?
My reality is worse than what it seems.
I knew you for a moment-
Little more than a day
How could I ever feel this way?
Something there soon to be gone
A lifetime away
Leaving me all alone.
One thing I will have is dreams and memories
Of what might have been or
What one day just might be.
Who am I fooling?
You'll just move on
To find something new
I'll be hurt again
If I give my heart to you.
When the moment is over
And you have come and gone
I will be here crying
Stuck here all alone.
But if I let a moment go and pass me by
I know that I'll regret it
Until the day I die.
So I'll let the future come
And run it's course on me
Hoping that someday
We can look back and
Be happy.
I can't believe
12-3-2000
I can't believe it's over now and
There's nothing I can do.
When I say I'll be your friend for life
You know deep down it's true.
You've heard before just one more chance
Before I thought we were done.
This one is for friendship now
Don't leave me all alone.
I fell apart when you screwed around
And I wasn't thinking straight-
All this time I've loved you
You've returned it with nothing but hate.
Please don't make it end this way
You know my heart is true
Don't leave me without your friendship
I wouldn't know what to do.
After the time that's gone by
Please just give it a try
I just want someone to hold me
When I feel like I could die.
Friendship
12-3-2000
For a long time I
Ruined what could have been
Ideal and made mistakes that
Ended what could have been so real.
Now I see where I went wrong as
Days go by and you move along-
So please,
Have some faith that
I have learned from my mistakes and
Paid enough with my heart.
If this one doesn't have country song written all over it
then I don't know what does :(
Happy Thanksgiving
11-23-2000
Happy Thanksgiving
I sit all alone
Singing to walls
Crying at the phone
But you won't call
And say the words
That I need to hear-
That you'll come back
And treasure me dear.
Happy Thanksgiving
My heart's a wishbone
You ripped off the big half
And wished I was gone.
Happy thanksgiving
With your family and friends
My story is over before it begins
Life is full of choices, but the real choice is
whether or not to continue when you reach the...
Fork in the Road
11-9-2000
The pain drags on
The road forks and only
Two escapes are available-
One doesn't count.
One is the same.
Neither appeal.
Continue or quit.
Either way- someone else wins.
I cling to the road which
Might one day branch again- I hope.
Every day it gets worse.
I run out of reasons to hang on.
Actually, I'm just going blind to the reasons.
It's the same thing to me.
I wrote these four thinking about someone who hurt me really bad,
Once again I delve into depressing acronym poetry.
I Want Out...
11-9-2000
Is this real?
When can I leave?
All I wanted was love.
Now I am alone.
The dream is over.
Only memories remain-
Until those too fade
To eternity and die.
.
.
.
I'm Scared
11-9-2000
Is this all?
Maybe there's something more
Someday I hope to find it
Can true love exist?
Am I destined to suffer?
Reality hurts.
Even the memories and
Dreams bring pain.
Lonely
<11-9-2000>
Looking inside perhaps
One day I will find
Nothingness.
Everything I have
Lived for and loved is in
Yesterday.
And Depressed
11-9-2000
Delaying what is
Eventually going to
Prevail I struggle to
Reach for the
Events of the past that are
Screaming to be remembered-
Screaming to be forgotten.
Everything leads to
Death.
No, I'm not always depressed, I just happen to always find someone
willing to go that extra mile to make me feel bad.
Here's one I found that I never posted... so I'm going back and posting it- I know they say never edit your work- but this one needed it so it's revised because it's how I feel now- someone ripped out my heart and kicked around the pieces- I thought I had found someone who wouldn't hurt me... but it turns out I was just being my stupid self again... 9-19-2001
Lonely, Lonely, Lonely
9-27-2000
Longing for your love I lived
One night at a time-
Never touching your heart,
Even though I tried so hard I was
Left behind.
You are a dream that could have been real-
Living and breathing
Only to show me what I once had and
Never will again.
Even though we were so close you
Lived your life far away.
You shared your loneliness with me.
Left behind in a shadow
Of friendship- I thought that
Nothing could ever be so true or
Even come so close to the
Love I had for you.
You were my lonely dream.
Lonely am I no more.
Only you are lonely now.
Noone deserves it more than one who
Entangles another with lies of
Love eternal.
You can stay lonely for hurting me.
Inspired by a 34 hour bus ride from Springfield,
Illinois to Daytona Beach, Florida...I give you...
Life
6-5-2000
The world flashes by
Against the dark of night
Signs declare their individual stores closed
This fades away into the darkness
Passing from consciousness
To the realm of the weary
Where dark skies are void
Of moon and stars
And difficultly attained
Peaceful sleep
Is shattered
When someone stabs the night
With the push of a button
Calling down light from overhead
So someone can read a novel at two AM
I ignore their groans and glares
Leaving them to their bus ride
While I am on an adventure
In outer space-
Saving the Universe,
Of course.
At least I'm
Not on the bus
I was online and was asked what I was thinking and at that moment a few lines started to pop into my head so I wrote them to the person I was talking to.
She clearly thought that it wasn't my best work
and told me as much. To make myself clear to everyone: I DON'T CARE if any of my poetry is "best" it is all about how I feel at the given moment. I may like to know which poem you like the best, but please don't put down how I feel at the other moments.
It was twelve-thirty one in the morning when I
put the first few lines down on this page...I was thinking I would finish it later, but the rest of it just flowed so I stayed up a bit longer.
The Storm
7-13-2000
The dark clouds form overhead
Overflowing with sorrow
As if a mirror to my soul.
The rain falls down.
Pouring like tears from my eyes
It attempts in vain to wash away the scars
On the well trodden road of my heart.
As if to further mimic my existence-
The rain pauses.
A leaf falls.
Then, like my hope,
It is lifted again
On a short lived updraft
Only to be pushed to the ground
By the renewed efforts of the storm
And swept to it's final resting place
In the gutter.
Some Friend...
7-2-2000
How could you walk all over my heart?
It seems we were closer when further apart.
Now that it's over and I'm halfway gone,
Tell me the truth, now that we're done.
How could I have fallen for you?
Your smile, eyes, and love- too good to be true.
I thought you were the girl of my dreams-
My prayers answered- a curse it seems.
Now you tell me I was living a lie.
What was I to you if you won't even cry?
Maybe you'll realize what you threw away-
I who loved you in every way.
When you cheated and lied
I stayed by your side
Believing you when you said you loved me
But you changed.
Now that I can see it's over
I try to pick myself up and walk away,
But you're still there
Claiming to be my friend.
Sure I trust you...
Some friend...
Who's living the lie now?
Remember Me When You Feel the Pain
7-1-2000
Remember me when you feel the pain
And remember my tears that drove you insane.
Remember me when you're in my place
Heart and emotions lost in space
And you are the one that's lost.
Remember me when someone hurts you
Remember how my heart stayed true
Remember my attempts at romance
While you threw away another chance.
I still wanted you to the end-
Even if I was "just" a friend
I could hope one day
To hear you say,
"I love you again."
Now you just throw me away.
Karma
7-1-2000
You'll know how I feel someday-
Just remember what you did to me
While you were playing games
With my heart on the line
(That's what you were doing
Whether you realize it or not).
I think you loved me for a minute.
Now it's your turn.
Someone will walk over you
But I'm still out there
Wondering if you'll ever
Realize what you did to me
Or if you will never know
What it is like to Love someone
And be rejected.
Let me know how you feel.
Let me know if you change your mind about me
After going through all the pain.
Let me know when you stop lying.
Let me know when you grow up.
Pouring Rain
6-28-2000
The days crawl by without you
While I am alone
With nothing to do
Except to look out on
The pouring rain,
Thinking of nothing
Except the pain
Clouds of sorrow happen to bring
When the wind changes and blows
Another leaf to the ground.
Blind
6-26-2000
What beauty the eyes cannot behold lies deep within.
What sight there is must be drawn from the heart.
Your beauty is more true than
That of the feeling of a warm summer day,
The sounds of the sweetest music,
Or the feeling of the waves in the ocean.
If only you could see your smile-
But, it will have to be enough
That you share it with the world.
On My Mind
4-5-2000
Once forgotten
Now renewed
My dreams and
Yours are comming true.
Must be doing something right,
I don't have a clue,
Now I'm ready to take my flight-
Do anything to be with you.
I'm yours
4-3-2000
Though there was another-
I may have not been first
But I am yours forever
For better or for worse.
Nothing can compare
To the way I feel for you.
Everything I have is yours;
You know my love is true.
Since I first heard, "I love you."
I knew we'd find a way
To be with one another.
I'll hold you again someday.
Someday You’ll See
3-11-2000
**spoken**
Please never let go
I want to be in your arms forever
No matter what you think of me,
No matter how far apart,
I will always love you with all of my heart
And will do anything to make you happy...
**sung**
I love you more than I can say
My heart’s filled with aching that grows every day.
Someday we’ll be together-
But will you return my love?
Will all this be for nothing?
Well there’s one thing that I’m sure of...
I will love you forever.
Nothing can change the way I feel.
When I think of us together...
My mind asks my heart if it’s real.
I’ll feel your arms around me,
And you’ll look into my eyes.
Someday you’ll see the love there-
Won’t that be a surprise?
How can you ever think what I’d said
Could never be this true?
I’ve never meant anything as much
As when I said, ”I love you.”
I...love...you.....
Music in your heart
2-22-2000
The music deep within your heart
Is the energy that drives me
To carry on when I have lost hope,
When my dreams fade.
You are the renewal of life-
The restorer of faith
That dreams can come true
And I can be happy.
If only I could hold you.
Can dreams come true?
12-16-99
Can dreams come true?
If we ever meet
Could I forever be with you?
What is the strength of the love in your heart?
Can it stand the test of time
While we are apart?
Deep inside I know it’s just a dream
Waiting to fade with the onset of reality-
But what if dreams come true?
Could we be happy together,
Or is it a fairy tale too good to be true?
I’ll have to wait and see
If dreams come true.
Don't Forget Me
10-12-99
Dearest,
Our moments may have gone but
Never release the memories of
Time spent with one another-
For it is in the
One short period of my life I
Regard with some
Great feelings of
Excitement and joy.
There, locked in
Memories, is
Eternal happiness.
Love Past’s Wilted Flowers
9-11-99
Looking through the window
Outside from the heart-
Visions of past and present
Ensue, as soon as a dream does start.
Producing the dreams in life,
An ability we are without.
Searching inward for reality-
That’s what this is about...
Searching for dreams in life.
We struggle for answers to questions
In a world not quite our own.
Like nightmares of confusion
The future is always unknown...
Except to those who
Dream of answers to questions.
Filled with meanings that are hidden-
Lost to the world it seems;
Open to those in their sleep-
Wandering, wondering, flying,
Entering the world of dreams...
Remember to
Search for meanings that are hidden.
Love at First Sight
9-12-99
As a phoenix
Rising from the pain
Of memories of the past
I look out of the crowd.
I see you standing alone
And I wonder if it is
Too good to be true;
Too good to last.
Stumbling over words
I think romantic thoughts
Of music, love, and
Visions of the future.
My heart soars.
Already I am in love
So deep that I want it
To last beyond forever
And stretch to the
Ends of the universe.
Then you turn away.
Dream’s End
10-28-99
***Selected for publication in From the Mountaintop
by the International Library of Poetry***
Tears flood my heart
As the realization dawns
That a dream is nothing more
Than a dream, and as with all dreams
There must come a time when one
Must awaken to the harsh reality
Void of love, acceptance, and
The warm embrace only to be found in
Dreams that may end,
But will never be forgotten.
The Curtain Falls
8-29-99
Life, without you, continues
In a monotony
Of suffering through
An endless maze
Of delusional days
In which one loses the self.
Late to bed, early to rise
Another week drags by-
Yet the show must go on.
On and on and on until
The curtain falls and
The world fades to black-
Never to be replaced with
Bright lights or
Applause.
Time
10-5-99
The days fly by as if
In a wirlwind.
Moments themselves stretch to fill
Eternity.
Who knows what the rain may bring?
10-4-99
Floods of tears flow from my heart.
Who knows what the rain may bring?
Life is forked lightning from the start.
Thunder is the song my life does sing.
Beginning now- a work of art
Little more than a faded string
A rainbow forms as the clouds do part.
Who knows what the rain may bring?
Love
4-2-99
Living in the moment-
One may find the
Very thing which he has sought in
Everything through eternity.
Searching
2-5-99
I wander blindly through the world
Searching for a love that isn't there
Going around in endless circles
Finding nothing but despair.
I reach out for you and call your name
Trying to save what we never almost had
But could have gained if only we tried
To hold on to the future, instead of letting go and being sad.
Could there ever be a world of love
Without pain to bring us crashing down
Into an endless sea of oblivion
Filled with tears of sorrow in which we drown?
