Jack growled at the blue screen of death in front of him. “All I did was put a disk in. How could you fatally accept, you stupid machine?”
Pressing Ctrl, Alt, Delete yet again, he was infuriated when nothing happened. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He kicked the computer.
The screen went black.
“Oh, for crying out loud,” he muttered, groaning as he crouched down by the console. His knees wouldn’t like him after this. He tried pressing the reset button and then the power button. Nothing happened.
Was that smoke coming from the back?
Jack quickly rose and backed towards the phone on the wall, with one wary eye on his own personal nemesis. He quickly punched in a number which he had memorised long ago. “It’s Colonel O’Neill. Can you send someone down to my office to look at my computer?” The ‘again’ was left unspoken, as the woman on the other end – Amy Conners, one of the civilian consultants, if he recognised her voice – agreed to do so as soon as possible.
Jack and the computer support team were all but on first name basis, and he was pretty sure that he was keeping most of them in their jobs. He could imagine that it was actually listed as computer support for Colonel O’Neill on Hammond’s expenditure forms.
He said his thanks, and hung up the phone. Pausing for a second, Jack decided not to be there when the technician turned up.
After all, he hadn’t made it to Colonel without knowing when to strategically retreat.
Sam looked in horror at the alien device Captain Meadows of SG-12 had brought in for her to have a look at.
Wow.
Who would have thought that coffee would have reacted so badly with... whatever that device had been? Thankfully, she had sorted and catalogued the contents of her lab the previous weekend, so the bench that the device had exploded on had been empty apart from that one coffee mug. Fortunately, it hadn’t been her favourite mug – the one that Janet had got her for Christmas last year inscribed with “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist – just an astrophysicist”.
Sensing a possibly uncomfortable confrontation, Sam hastily shut down her laptop and hurried out of the lab. Captain Meadows was going to be back soon, and she figured that it would be better for the young captain to survey the damage by herself. She didn’t think that Meadows would appreciate knowing that Sam had blown up the device by simply knocking over her coffee mug. Besides, she had promised not to go near the thing until the captain had returned from the infirmary.
Sam hadn’t got to where she was without a measure of common sense and self-preservation.
Daniel looked stunned. Janet had told him to sit down in her office, and stay still while she went and dealt with Captain Meadows. Something about slashing her hand open on some alien device she’d left with Sam. Janet had already cleansed out Daniel’s paper cut (hey – any excuse to come to see the doctor, and her coffee machine, and paper cuts were nasty) and promised to kiss it better before she was called away for a real emergency.
Obviously she thought that he’d be unable to get into any trouble just sitting quietly in her office like a good boy.
Clearly, she had been wrong.
Daniel regarded the now broken chair, which was in pieces on the floor. Hmm... it had been fine with Janet’s petite stature resting on it, but obviously not his slightly larger one. Maybe he should have listened to Jack when he had suggested cutting down on the chocolate walnut cookie...
His gaze moved to the shattered vase and the pool of water next to the chair fragments. He’d manage to catch it while waving his arm around and had sent it crashing to the floor.
Peering at the pieces, he gulped as he recognised it as the one that Cassie had given Janet for mother’s day earlier that year. It had been Janet’s favourite.
Daniel decided that he’d be better off somewhere else. Being very far away from Janet’s needles sounded like a very good idea.
After all, he hadn’t got this far on just his good looks.
Teal’c heard the door to his quarters open for a second time, but still restrained from opening his eyes.
“Sir?” Major Carter sounded surprised to see her CO had already taken refuge in the Jaffa’s quarters. Colonel O’Neill had all but ran into Teal’c’s quarters a couple of minutes previously, and hadn’t left. Normally when any member of the team saw him in what appeared to be a state of kel’nor’reem they would leave him alone. However, Major Carter was also shutting the door behind her and moving to sit on the bed next to the Colonel.
“Carter,” O’Neill greeted, shifting to make room for her. “Not gone home I see.”
“No, sir,” Carter replied, and Teal’c tried not to smile. The Colonel knew as well as anyone else, perhaps even better, that Major Carter rarely went home. However, it was also rare that she visited his quarters, and would normally never stay if he was sitting cross-legged on the floor...
Shit’ac. Teal’c suddenly realised that he’d forgotten to light any candles. He only hoped that the two officers wouldn’t notice that and get suspicious.
Teal’c almost groaned when the door opened yet again. “Uh, hi, guys.” Daniel Jackson had now joined the party. Not that Teal’c had been aware they were supposed to be having one. If he had known, then he would have made himself scarce long before now. After all, what was the point of having a device that could send you to millions of planets if you didn’t use it to get some peace and quiet from your friends?
“Daniel,” both O’Neill and Carter greeted him at the same time. Teal’c heard the scraping of the desk chair across the floor as the archaeologist sat down. Hmm, that was something to consider, he realised. Both Major Carter and Colonel O’Neill had ignored the chair and headed straight to the bed...
Teal’c wished he could shake his head to get those disturbing images out. He knew he shouldn’t listen to the rumours flying around the base. Not many knew that Jaffa had very vivid imaginations, but at times like this it was certainly a curse.
The room went quiet, and Teal’c started humming “The Love Boat” theme tune in his head. He had just watched an episode of that earlier, and had been intrigued by one of the guest star’s resemblance to Colonel O’Neill.
“So...” It was Colonel O’Neill who broke the silence first. “What did you two do?”
“Do?”
“What do you mean, do?”
Both the younger members of the team were flustered, and Teal’c was also intrigued as to what misdemeanours had caused them to seek sanctuary in his quarters.
“Aw, come on you two. You’ve done something,” O’Neill pressed.
“Well, sir, what did you do?” Carter asked. “Or else why would you be here?”
The Colonel sighed. “I sorta, kinda, killed my computer,” he confessed.
Teal’c sighed inwardly. Even he, an alien from another planet, had less problems with his computer than Colonel O’Neill.
A small giggle escaped from Major Carter, and he guessed that Daniel Jackson was grinning. “Okay then,” Carter began. “I accidently blew up an alien device by spilling my coffee over it.”
Daniel Jackson sighed, before mumbling “I broke Janet’s chair.”
There was stunned silence after his confession, before Teal’c heard laughter coming from the two officers on his bed. He suspected that the archaeologist was currently turning a nice shade of red. He had heard Colonel O’Neill tell Daniel Jackson many a time that he should cut down on his cookie intake, and believed that the younger man should have actually listened to O’Neill.
“And the vase Cassie gave her for mother’s day!” he added, the fear evident in his voice. The laughter died down.
Colonel O’Neill attempted to start up a conversation about hockey, but was met with little enthusiasm from the other two humans in the room. Silence reigned and Teal’c began to wonder if he was missing anything on television. It was a bizarre Tau’ri invention, yet it was strangely compelling. He especially enjoyed the shows where a bunch of strangely dressed Tau’ri met with strange looking aliens. Hmm... “Enterprise” was on later, so hopefully the intruders would be out of his room by that point.
It was about fifteen minutes later when Colonel O’Neill announced that he thought they should make a run for it out of the mountain. Major Carter made an indignant noise when it was suggested that they headed for her apartment. Colonel O’Neill’s reasoning was logical for him, Teal’c believed, as Daniel Jackson was clearly unable to return home without facing the wrath of Doctor Fraiser, and Colonel O’Neill’s house would certainly be the second place she looked. However, as Major Carter pointed out, Doctor Fraiser was her best friend, and would almost certainly come to her to vent. Teal’c tried not to panic at the thought of them staying longer.
“How about a movie?” Daniel Jackson suggested, and both the Air Force officers agreed. The bed creaked slightly as they slid off it, and moved towards the door.
“Teal’c will never know that we were here,” O’Neill announced with conviction, as the door was opened, and the Jaffa was finally left alone.
Opening his eyes, he raised a single eyebrow as he turned to look at the door. Clearly those Tau’ri would never learn, he thought to himself, as he reached for the remote and turned on his television.
A chant of “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” was heard, and he allowed himself a slight smile.
After all, he hadn’t made it to First Prime without having some tricks up his sleeve.