Kiss Her

Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her!

The constant voice in his head was beginning to bug him.

Shut up.

Go on… kiss her. You know you want to.

What part of shut up don’t you understand?

The voice sniggered. What’s this? Sexual frustration? I know the perfect cure for that. She’s 5’2, with a killer smile and is probably in her office… very alone.

Telling you to shut really isn’t working, is it?

I’m only saying what you want to hear Danny-Boy…

Danny-Boy? Really, that’s not something I want to hear.

Well, how about this? Daniel and Janet, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…

Oh great. So my sub-conscious is twelve now?

Ooh, you want to hear my more, ahem, adult ideas on you and the doctor then?

No!

Are you sure? There are some really interesting ones. Remember that building on P7C-229, which you thought was one of Apophis’…

Stop right there!

You’re so boring, the voice told him. No wonder Janet doesn’t like you.

She does like me.

And you like her?

Can we just stop the questioning now?

I’ll just take that as a yes.

Daniel sighed, and threw his pen down. He was getting absolutely nowhere with this translation. Not that he’d got very far with it anyway. He had just been so distracted these past couple of days.

That’s because you’ve been thinking of Janet.

I haven’t!

Don’t lie to me, Daniel. I know you have. I’m in your head, remember. I see everything, hear everything… know everything.

Then why do you keep asking me questions?

Because it’s fun to torment you. And I’m bored. These translations are boring. I think going to see Janet is a much better idea.

You’re not related to Urgo, are you? Or Janet?

Janet? Why would I be related to Janet?

Jack! I meant to say Jack!

Ha! Freudian slip there, Daniel.

You know, if Janet knew I was arguing like this with myself then I’d be straight back into that padded white room.

And back to Janet we do merrily go. Face it, Danny-Boy, you’re in love.

Can you please stop calling me ‘Danny-Boy’? I feel like I’m a dog.

Stop avoiding the truth.

What truth?

The fact that you’re in love with Janet Fraiser.

I am not in love with Janet Fraiser.

Are to!

Am not!

Are to!

Am not!

Are!

Not!

Are!

Not!

Not!

Are to!

Ha! Gotcha!

Got me how?

You just admitted that you loved Janet.

No, I didn’t.

Yes, you did.

I’m not getting into this again, but I didn’t.

I don’t see what the big fuss is about. You love…

Ahem

…Fine! Like her. Is it the thought of getting coffee with her, or going out to dinner with her one night that traumatic?

What if she doesn’t like me in that way?

There’s only one way to find out, you numpty.

Numpty?

Don’t go changing the subject on me! Come on; let’s go to Janet’s office. You’re clearly not getting any work done here.

Hmm, I wonder why…

Don’t you get sarky with me!

You’re a voice in my head. What are you going to do to me?

Well, I could start with another rendition of ‘Daniel and Janet, on her desk. Having S-E-X…

Daniel could feel himself blushing.

Okay, okay. Please never come out with that again!

The voice laughed. Please! Like your thoughts about the good doctor are any cleaner!

Never on her desk, Daniel found himself thinking, before realising just exactly what had passed through his mind. The voice was now sniggering, and he wondered if it was possible at all to rinse out his mind with soap.

So, you’re more interested in her playing ‘doctor’ in the infirmary beds, eh, Danny?

Daniel was pretty sure that his face would be bright red if he looked in a mirror. That’s not what I was thinking! His denial was half-hearted at best.

I don’t even know why you bothered trying to deny that.

Me neither actually.

The infirmary would be quite exciting though, wouldn’t it? I mean, you never know who could walk in. And you’d have some really good memories to tide you over next time you’re stuck in there.

I’m not going to do it!

We’ll see.

No we won’t. If… and I highly doubt it. But if Janet and I somehow end up in a relationship, then we most certainly won’t be doing anything in the infirmary.

Spoilsport.

Do you want us to get fired?

Would it mean no more boring translations, and lots more Janet?

…

I’m kidding! I’m kidding!

You better be.

Lighten up, Daniel. Can’t you take a joke… okay, don’t answer that one.

There’s something very wrong in the fact that I’m essentially abusing myself here. Should I be worried?

Nah! But you should see a doctor. Just not Doctor McKenzie. Or Doctor Warner. See where I’m going here?

Hmm, let me see…

And you called me sarcastic!

If I go to see Janet, will you shut up?

Maybe.

What do I have to do to get you to shut up?

Hmm… Ooh, I know. You’re going to say that you’re not going to like this, but you will do.

What?

Kiss her!

Oh God, we’re back where we started!

Yup! You have to kiss her, and then I’ll shut up. Maybe.

What do I have to do to get you to shut up definitely – and permanently?!

Oh, you’d have to marry her. You know, the whole ‘til death do you part’ thing.

We haven’t even been on a date yet, and you’re talking marriage!?

Well, it’s the logical ultimate goal in this situation.

Daniel started to bang his head methodically and slowly against the desk.

Kissing her would be less painless.

“Daniel?” He span round to see Janet Fraiser standing at the door, looking at him quizzically.

Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!

Shut up!!

“Uh, hi Janet,” Daniel stammered out, nervously.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, moving across the room. “You look a little flushed.” She placed a cool hand on his forehead. “You’re a bit warm.”

That’s because he lurves you!

“I’m fine, Janet,” he told her, pulling away from her hand slightly. “How are you doing?”

“Oh, fine,” she said, leaning against his desk. “Just been finishing up some paperwork. Gets a bit lonely though after a while.”

Daniel could have sworn that the voice in his head started to whistle innocently at her comment.

Say nothing.

What? I’m not saying anything!

I know what you’re thinking.

Just because you’re thinking the same, Danny-Boy!

“I, uh, yeah, I imagine so,” Daniel replied, trying to stop himself from going even redder. He decided to change the subject onto something safer. “So, got any plans for the weekend.”

Yes. Because her plans for the weekend are a much safer subject.

It’s a perfectly innocent question.

Unless you have an ulterior motive. And you do.

I don’t have an ulterior motive. You do.

We’re the same person, Daniel.

Janet sighed. “Nothing much really. I’m on call Friday night, but I’ve got both Saturday and Sunday off. Cassandra said that she might come home for a visit on Sunday, but I’m not holding my breath. How about you?”

She’s interested in your social life… that’s got to be a good sign!

She’s just being polite… I did enquire first.

Ask her out.

What?

Ask if she’d like to have dinner with you on Saturday night?

“Janet, would you like to have dinner with me on Saturday night?” Daniel blurted out, before he realised what he was saying.

Janet looked at him in surprise. “Are you asking me out?”

Yes, you are.

“Yes,” he replied, looking embarrassed.

Tell her you like her.

Ha! So you now believe me when I say that I don’t love her!

No, I just don’t want to frighten her and scare her away.

“I, uh, Daniel, I’m flattered,” Janet replied, stammering slightly.

“Janet, I like you,” he told her, looking straight into her eyes. “A lot.”

“Really?” she asked in a small voice.

Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!

Third time was clearly a charm, as he leaned forward hesitantly so that their lips were millimetres apart. “Yes,” he replied, as he closed the gap.

Touchdown! Go Daniel! Hey, if you don’t want to do it on her desk, have you considered yours? Daniel? Are you listening to me? Daniel, are you there? Danny-boy? Great. One kiss and he’s a gonner. Now what am I going to do? Ooh, I know. Plan the wedding!