I wonder how people change jobs. How do they know what they can do after doing the same thing for a long time? I've been answering phones for almost 18 years, which is a really long time to do something you had no intention of doing. I'd like to do something else but I don't know what it would be. I'm not trained for anything else but I'd really like to do something where I wouldn't have to deal with the public. I'm sure talking to stupid people all day is a big part of why I feel so much stress and general dislike for the world.

I don't like being bitter all the time but I don't think I'm going to get away from it without leaving my job.

I just took the emode test to find out my real age and it turns out that I'm almost 50. I was so sure I was going to be younger than my real age that it came as quite a shock. I was so upset I deleted the email informing me of the test.

I need to figure out how to put links in here, it seems like it should be an easy thing. Maybe I have to do it in the html.

And spell check is still down for maintenance.

Arg.

I'm so tired. I wonder if this depression will ever break. All I want to do is lay down and try to sleep. I might have to give up and go to the doctor. I hate that I can't make this go away on my own.

There are so many images on the news about the airliner crash this morning I don't know how to process them. Some houses on fire, some standing nearby untouched, the way a tornato might distroy a neighborhood. There was a woman who was interviewed, she was sleeping in her house, her yard faced the yard of the house that was hit. The reporter asked her if she thought there could be any survivers from the plane. The woman said that no, the plane was a fireball. The reporter then asked her, "What about your neighbors?" The woman totally missed the point the reporter was making; do you think the people in the house could have lived? The woman rattled on about how everyone was running from the other houses as if she couldn't let herself see that the people in that house were dead.

What can that be like, to have a plane crash into your home as you sleep? Or even as you watch tv? How long can you hear the sound of something screaming towards you when you let go of denial and try to escape?

I want to curl up and sleep until the world makes sense again.