It occured to me today that I have spent most of my life feeling dirty and unworthy. This is because of a combination of being sexually abused as a child and the way I was treated by the one who clamed to love me best. Being told again and again that no one would love me but my grandmother made me feel as if I was unworthy of being loved and she was doing me a favor by loving me. Of course the sexual abuse set that feeling in concrete. My only use was to be the opportunity when no other opportunity presented itself.

Can you tell that I've not taken my antidepressants in a couple of days?

41 years.

14,975 days.

898,500 hours.

53,910,000 minutes.

3,234,600,000 seconds.

Fucking old.

On a high note, a friend of mine is trying to have a baby. She had her tubes tied 8 years and now she and her husband want to have a baby together. They are doing the hormone thing and my friend is feeling sick and cranky. They will try in again in two weeks and they will know two weeks after that if it took. Send them good energy, or if you are so inclined, pray for them.

Thanks for your time.

Still fucking old.

From Emode.com True Talent Test:

Rynn, your true talent is numerical ability

Whether you like numbers or not, you're much better with them than others. Your results indicate that you're not only good at calculations, but that you also understand how to use numbers to your advantage.

People like you typically manage their personal finances with ease. It's doubtful that balancing your checkbook is an all-day affair like it can be for some people. In the work world, your numeric skill can be a benefit in a variety of ways, as well. You might find that you're a whiz at data analysis or are especially sharp when looking at budgets and profit-and-loss statements. Because so many other people have trouble understanding numbers and figures, you really have an opportunity to shine and use this talent to your advantage.

How do we know that your true talent is numerical ability? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question, and noticed that, relative to others, you consistently answered questions that measure numerical ability correctly.

They are so full of shit.