Under the heading "Things you don't need to know"

I have had to demote my lucky underwear, they just weren't taking the title seriously anymore. From this time forward, they will be known as just underwear, unless they continue this down hill slide in which case they will be known as the dust rag previously known as underwear.

It's been a very long, low week. I've had to justify myself waaaay too much, all while feeling that I'd just like to lay down till it all went away. I haven't liked myself in a way that I haven't felt since the first of the year, before the antidepressants. It could be that my birthday just past, it could be that the antidepressants aren't working anymore, it could be that this is the life I chose to live before I was born.

I don't know, and I'm too tired to figure it out.

Didn't sleep well last night, ear ache and twitchiness kept me up and watching tv till after 2am, then I was up at 9:30am. That sounds like a full night's sleep, but it was not a straight through thing. I was awake and sleep all night.

Is it wrong to expect more and better? Is it silly to expect someone to look at the whole picture before deciding that they are being attacked? Wouldn't it be easier if I just went away where I wouldn't have to deal with it again, and again, and again. Isn't an opinion something that everyone should be allowed to have? Doesn't a feeling of guilt mean that someone has done something that they did wrong and should be ashamed of? Am I worrying the same scab that I should just let heal into a pale scar?

I don't know. I'm tired.

Long story short: to get my script for Celexa I had to go through over an hour and a half of talk therapy on Wednesday. The therapist said that because of my issues of self worth I should make a list of 12 things that I like about myself. I came up with 8.

1. My sense of humour.
2. I follow my sense of justice.
3. I'm kind.
4. I'm a talented writer.
5. I'm loyal.
6. I'm able to speak my mind.
7. Without hurting anyone's feelings.
8. I'm intuitive.

I can't think of anything else.

Also, I added comments to my blog and no one has commented. Except me. To make sure that it worked.

Should this worry me?

Some of my friends have compiled lists of 100 things about themselves.

I don't think I have a hundred things about myself.

Or maybe I do. I'll have to think about this for a while before I can come up with that many.

What do you do when you hate your job?

In a perfect world, you quit and the job of your dreams is just waiting for you. You not only excel at this new job but it makes you feel as if you are doing something in the world that makes a difference.

I don't live in a perfect world, I hate my job, but if I were to quit it, I would have to get another one just like it because I'm not trained for much else. I would lose more than I would gain, but still the option is there. The door that holds the tiger.

At least it would be something different.

I suppose it's time to make a list of pros and cons and a list of things that I would be willing to do.

My new manta; With change comes growth.