"So," you ask yourself, "I wonder what Rynnie has been up to these four long weeks."

In no particular order; my 'script insurance ran out, I had a good friend offer to have what would be the first consensual sex I would have, I got stoned for the first time, and I made a bunch of jewelry.

I'll start with what I like to call my Mad Marijuana Weekend. For a couple of months I'd been dreaming about smoking pot. It came to a point where I decided that the only way to make it stop was to smoke some. A friend of a friend got some for me and smoked it. At the same time, I had run out of Effexor so I was a little looped anyway, so I took the weekend (Friday through Monday, if truth be told) to see if pot was something I wanted to do.

The answer is no, I didn't enjoy it. It made me feel as if every sound, every color, every shape, every THING brought up an emotional response that I was about to feel, was feeling, and had felt. At the same time. Anticipation, action, and completion all at once. It felt as if I were dreaming. So, I went to bed. I mean, if I'm already dreaming I should be asleep, right?

Needless to say, I took a lot of naps over that long weekend.

And it made me feel stupid. If I want to feel stupid, I'll open a math book.

I don't think it's going to be anything I'll do again. It just wasn't fun, and for the life of me I can't see how anyone could do it with other people around. Maybe it gets easier, but I don't want to wade through all that false emotional bullshit to get to it.

Next, a good friend of mine offered to have sex with me after I told him that I had never had consensual sex. In front of his girlfriend, (she thought it would be cute if we had sex; they have an open relationship.) I'm not going to because I don't want him to take the emotional blame that others have created, and I don't know that I can separate the two. He's very sweet for having offered, thought.

And I bought too many beads and made a butt load of jewelry that I have no place to sell.

I think that brings you all up to date.

So, what have you been up to?