This is reprinted, with the kind permission of Tara; This was an IM conversation she had with her husband, George.

"Sales Call"

Tara: Say,
Tara: do you need a smack?

George: Why yes - yes i do
George: thank you for asking

Tara: Excellent!
Tara: I have one right here that you can have...for a fee of course.

George: Hm - do you have financing options?

Tara: Of course. We take all your money at once.

George: I see.

Tara: I can see I'm losing you. What if I offered to take all your money and beat up your dogs?

George: Do you supply mints as well?

Tara: No, no mints, but we do have Lava-Tabs.

George: Well that is tempting - but I was interested in the mints.

Tara: 100% genuine Hawaiian Lava.
Tara: Fresh!

George: Fresh?

Tara: Still smokin'
Tara: In fact, it just burned through my briefcase, onto your floor, through your carpet, and into the center of the earth. So the lava option is no longer available. But I do have some mints.

George: Well the lava sounds lovely - if you add the mints then you have a deal.

Tara: The lava is gone. It also destroyed your basement. But you can keep the mints. Can I use your bathroom? I think I hear sirens.

George: Ok
George: go right a head

Tara: ::climbs out window onto porch roof::

George: Don't slip

Tara: ::slips::
Tara: ::falls into rosebushes::

George: Oh bother.