Heartbreak for no reason. Again

I can't believe that I'm feeling this way again. I was coasting along, feeling okay with things, letting people love me, maybe a little lonely but feeling okay. Then last night, at 8:30pm PDT, I felt heart broken.

Some indefinable love was taken away.

It's more of a background heartbreak today, but it's still there. Like there has been a warm hand on the back of my neck all this time, encouraging me to work harder at being happy, but now it's gone and my neck and my soul is colder for its loss.

I need to be held. Nothing with promise, just a arm around my shoulders while we watch a movie or talk with friends.

Maybe I do want something with promise. Maybe I do want something more than just warm shoulders.

I'm tired of trying harder, of keeping my inner doors propped open with trembling, weary arms.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?