Self improvement continues

So tomorrow at noon I'm meeting with a trainer named Peter at 24 Hour Fitness and he's going to show me all the things I should be doing to lose weight and gain muscle. I'm tempted to call him and cancel it. I don't know that I can do something else on a regular basis. I go to therapy once a week, shouldn't that be enough?

I do want to lose weight and I wouldn't mind being a bit more muscley but every other day at the health club? Sounds like more effort than I can put in. I don't want a trainer. I don't want anyone looking at my body and he'll have to if he wants to assess me correctly. There will be measurements and weighings; I hope I don't cry.

I hope once I get into the rhythm of it I can do it, but this is part of the depression. The not being able to keep up with obligations, that is. Even ones I want to keep up with.

I need to do this, I need to feel that I am worthy of love, and I can't do that if I am grossed out when I look at myself in the mirror. I can't expect anyone to love this body if I can't. I wish I'd gotten to this place before my tits started to go south. I just know one morning I'm going to wake up with a nipple caught in my navel. There's an ER visit I wouldn't want to live through.

"I guess I rolled over on it. I don't know! Help me!"

In other news, I finished cleaning the apartment now I need to organize some stuff and I'll be ready for company. Also, I've almost completed the curtains for the sliding glass doors in the living room. If I hadn't broken a needle on the machine (it hit one of the pins, how I keep doing this I don't know, the odds are better that I wouldn't hit it and yet this is the 5th or 6th time it's happened) they would have been done tonight.

That's all from this neck of the woods. What's new with you?