Some days...

You just have to keep going back to bed until you really feel like getting up.

Still no sign of the check that will keep my head above water until the beginning of the month when SSDI starts. I need to pay my cable and phone bills, but I can't do that until the check comes. Now it'll be Monday before I start checking the mail box every 30 minutes. (I'm not kidding.)

I'm going to lay down and try not to think about how icky I feel.

Dream

I had a dream last night that they pulled up a supermarket's parking lot and put down hardwood floors.

And people still parked there.

Help me out; what does this mean?

Love and other stuff

Today was my last session with Brooke, tomorrow is her last day at Berkeley Mental Health, and I feel lost.

I can't stop thinking about wanting to love, completely and freely, but still be safe and have my own space. I wish I'd worked harder to find that place inside of me that would allow this while working with Brooke. I felt safe with her and now it's over. I wish there were arms around me to make my hurt warm, because hurting's bad, cold hurting's worse.

My stomach feels raw, as if I've been crying for hours; but I haven't cried. My head feels spinny and full of dumbness, like I haven't slept in days; and I haven't. Broken hearted again. (Maybe I should just write "...you know..." and you all will know that I've carelessly broken my own heart again.)

I want to cuddle and snuggle more than anything because not to is a cold hurting. I need to see my best friend, Theanna, spoon up, then talk until we make each other laugh so hard that we drool. I need some tactile unconditional love.

Still not so good

I'm still feeling low and twitchy and I still don't know why.

I do have a lot of stressy things going on but it still feels like there's something more that I don't know about on a surface level but deep down I have emotional access to it.

I need to be held.

Any takers.

Uh-oh...

Something is really wrong. I don't know what, but I can feel it down deep.

I feel sick and dizzy and tense and as if I'm going to burst into tears.

Ricky!

Today is Rick Overton's birthday!

Go out and be cool, kind, funny, smart, handsome and clever in honor of his day.