Epiphany

Yesterday, in therapy, I surprised myself.

See, last week I was talking about how people who have had a lot of tragedy in their lives seem to be fuller in how they are. The way they talk, the way they express themselves in general, and as I was leaving Chrissa says I said something that made her believe that I thought she had lived a charmed life. She brought it to my attention and asked what I had meant.

I thought about it. I don't remember saying it, but I do think she lives a charmed life. Then I realized that I didn't get anything from her that lead me to that conclusion, I just wanted her to be living a better life than I have because I liked her and cared about her.

As I finished saying this to her, I started to tear up. When Chrissa asked why, I told her that I surprised myself; after all I've been through I still have the capacity to care that much about someone I haven't known all that long. It was as I said it that I realized it.

It is an epiphany to me, that I can feel this much love after feeling nothing but fear for so long. As I look at my friendships, I can see that it's true but it never occurred to me to be any other way. I can see now that the man that I love will be loved fully and completely. I can finally see that the man that loves me will be lucky.

As I tear up again, I sign off.

I almost forgot...

Happy Winter Solstice, y'all!

Now, go out and buy Shaun of the Dead in a mad Pagan celebration, because the solstice is all about zombies.

Look it up.

Help me get Shaun pints

Click on the link to the left and view the Shaun of the Dead Holiday Card. If nothing else, it's really funny.

As it comes to me

I'm celebrating the holiday season like any sane person by watching zombie movies.

Yesterday I watched Night of the Living Dead and Shaun of the Dead while working on a sewing project. One day I'll post a picture of this project but it's for someone that might read this and I want it to be a surprise.

Today, I think I'll watch The Star Wars trilogy. I've owned it for ages and haven't watched it yet. I think I'm afraid to see that Lucas has further fucked with the movie that changed my life. I wish he'd just left it alone. Sure, put out a Director's Edition -- that is a time honored right -- but let the film that was released to the theaters be put out on DVD, too. I saw it so many times when I was a teenager that when I see the "updated" version it makes me dizzy.

The same thing happens when I watch Monty Python with commercials and "edited for television" versions of O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I'm such a Virgo sometimes.