Today

When I signed on this morning I had 35 messages sitting in my inbox.

They were all spam.

Now I'm depressed.

No calls. No emails. My feelings are hurt.

So much for a happy beginning to 2005.

2005

I have friends who had what they believed to be a bad year and I feel bad for them because I can see that they had a good year, but that's for them to decide.

I had a good year. It started out low; depression so bad that I didn't know who I was any more and such a large swallowing of pride that I'm surprised that I didn't choke to death on it. But I was able to not only swallow it but I kept it down, too. I asked for so much help that I'm stunned that I didn't start saying "help me" instead of "hello." I asked the right people because they helped me. I got back on meds, started talk therapy again and worked harder on me than I ever had. I somehow saw that I was worth it.

I didn't do much writing but the way I see it being happier will allow me to write different things instead of the same thing cropping up again and again.

Once again, I'm blessed with wonderful friends who love me more than thought I deserved to be loved and I loved them fully and, for the first time, without fear. Sorry guys, it's about me, not you.

I hope you all have a wonderful year and thank you for being.

Shaun of the Dead review

What's the best part of Shaun of the Dead? As of December 21st it’s available on DVD!

I give the movie a solid 10 on the Pint-O-Meter and not just because I've had a solid 10 pints; the commentaries are almost as funny as the movie; the outtakes are hilarious and show how much of a giggler Simon Pegg is; and the TV Bits are so much fun you may forget that there's also a movie to watch.

Simon's Video Diary gives a view of the movie-making world that the public doesn't usually get to see. Top marks -- excuse me! -- full pints for giving us that.

The movie itself gives the world the kind of hero that we all could be; one that tries to do the right thing and save the people that he loves.

Question Stolen from Tavie's Blog, Answers Taken From My Head

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
I accepted an invitation for a date after the holidays.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any resolutions, haven't for years.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Wonderful writer, Bill and his wife, Julie, had a son in July.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.

5. What countries did you visit?
No, I'm pretty much a home body.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
The ability to accept love as willingly as I give it.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 19th and 20th, I went to Las Vegas with amy and had a really great experience with the folks at Celebrity Poker Showdown and The Palms. Very nice people.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I went back into therapy and am working towards happiness.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Ongoing self hatred.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Depression, colds, and flu.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Laptop.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Joe. I can't say why because it's private but he's done some amazing work this year.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
American voters and some bookers.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, computer, and food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Joe headlined the Punchline in February, I was thrilled about that.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
I don't know.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier, because I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
b) thinner or fatter? About the same, which is a little disappointing.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Feeling happy,.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Beating myself up.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I went with Joe to his friend, Gene's family's Xmas eve dinner, crashed at his house, and on Xmas we went to see What The Bleep Do We Know? which was an amazing movie.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
I think I'm going to Cobb's Comedy Show - but who knows I may decide to stay home. I'm not going to do what's stressful.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
I have a new crush, but no love.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't know, I really like Joan of Arcadia, but I don't think I'd call it my favorite.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Not that I can think of.

26. What was the best book you read?
The deVinci Code, by Dan Brown, it opened my eyes to new possibilities.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Didn't have one.

28. What did you want and get?
Shaun of the Dead DVD and Spaced DVDs.

29. What did you want and not get?
The saw I need to start making metal jewelry and a boyfriend.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Either Shaun of the Dead or What the Bleep Do We Know?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had dinner on Joe at the Stinking Rose and a show at the Punchline with Diane; Joe was one of the comedians. I turned 43.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had found a way to get my depression disorder under control.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
I got contacts and started wearing make-up. I tried to understand what styles look best on my body type.

34. What kept you sane?
The meds and good friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Simon Pegg. Full on yumminess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The war.

37. Who did you miss?
Theanna, my goils, and Rick.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
My shrinks, Brooke and Chrissa; both are wonderful at what they do - and are sweet, caring people.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
It would have to be that I need to change how I think about myself before I can hope to find a guy who will see me in a favorable relationship light.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
No.