You Are 24 Years Old

24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Something I thought

You're the kind of crazy that only dogs can diagnose.

Not sure where it came from, but it is funny.

Dylan Moran

He's been doing stand-up for ages, but I only knew him as an actor but last night I saw him on BBC America doing his material. He's amazingly funny. Here's a taste of his comedy that I found in an article on line.

"You tend to lie a lot as an adult. It's part of your means of getting
around. You know, when you're late and you arrive and say: 'I'm so
sorry. Traffic. Traffic was terrible. And there was a fire as well. A
small boy - I had to give him an eye operation and all I had was a
spatula and a banana.' You should just tell the truth. You should just
walk in and say: 'I knew you were here. I knew you were waiting. I was
at home and do you know what I did? I had a bun. And it was delicious.
Because I knew you were waiting. I'll have a glass of wine - thank you
very much.' And people do that as well when they break up. People always
try and bullshit one another. 'I'm leaving you because you're such a
nice person. Because you're such a good person. I'm not worthy. I have
to go and live under a bridge.' Just tell the truth. Grab them by the
teeth, hold them to you and say: 'I'm leaving you because you are the
most boring fucker I've ever met in my whole life. I hate you so much it
gives me energy. You remember that crazy sound you used to hear when you
were going to sleep? That was me, chewing the bed.' "

I made myself laugh

I was watching a UK DVD and for whatever reason it kept pausing and turning the picture into squares. I kept backing up then hitting play, but it would only work for a couple of minutes then it would pause again.

Finally I looked the DVD player right in the frozen counter and shouted, "You pixelating mother-fucker!"

And then I busted up laughing.

Yeah, I live alone.

Telephone stalker

Yesterday I had a number of calls from, who my Caller ID identified as, Mary Bill. Mary, if that's who it was, had a tiny hesitant voice, like a school girl who had too much to drink.

The first time she called, she asked for Grossman. I said, "I'm sorry you have the wrong number." I paused because I expected a thank-you. Instead, she asked, "Are you sure this isn't Grossman?" I said yes I was sure she had the wrong number and because I was also sure that this woman was not going to thank me, I hung up.

A minute later the phone rang again, this time it Caller ID showed the number but no name. It was her again. "Do you promise this isn't Kathryn?" (I guess that she was asking for Kathryn when I heard Grossman, but I was neither so it worked out the same.) "Yeah." "There's no Kathryn there?" I went into bitch mode. Normally this takes longer, but I'm weening myself off of anti-anxiety meds and had my first snippy argument with Joe so I was in no mood to be patient with this woman. "Who are you?" I growled. "Are you some kind of nut?" I paused to let her admit she was a loony but when she didn't say anything, I said, "Stop calling here," and hung up.

I thought I would tie up the phone by going online so if she called again the line would just ring and ring. I picked up my email and surfed awhile then decided to finish watching a DVD I had started watching the day before.

Ten minutes later the phone rang again. It was Mary again, calling from the first number. I answered it and she asked, "Do you want to know who I am?" I said, "I don't care who you are." She asked, "Can I tell who I am?" "No. Now go away." Again I hung up.

A half an hour later the phone rang again, it was her, but I didn't pick up. She hung up when the answering machine beeped.

I went back online and did a search on Mary Bill and on the phone numbers, I didn't find anything.

I don't think I would be as interested if the name she was asking for wasn't so close to my own, but I don't want to talk to her. She sounded really needy in that "I'm drowning, you're trying to swim me back to shore but I'm going to claw and grab and push your head underwater until I kill us both" kind of way. Who needs that? I'm trying to keep myself from drowning I really don't need the extra struggle.

Arg. I really need to get these meds out of my system.