Paid Program
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"Hi, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Darien Fawkes and I'm here to tell you about the latest revolution to come out of the scientific community. No, I'm not talking about the Quicksilver gland. I'm talking about the Plot-Bunny 3000!"
He walks over to a table with a bunch of high-powered rifles lying on it.
"All these products make the same claim. They say that they will rid you of the most unwanted plot-bunnies. These machines come with all kinds of nice guarantees and warrenties, but they often prove false.
"The Plot-Bunny 3000 promises to take care of your pesky bunnies or your money back! That's right, folks! If your not happy with your Plot-Bunny 3000 after thirty days, send it back for a full refund!
"Here's a few testimonials from satisfied customers!"
*****
Caption at the bottom of the screen: Bobby Hobbes, secret government operative
"I was plagued! I'm serious, buddy; plagued! Those damned plot bunnies would not leave me alone! Day and night! I ordered the Plot-Bunny 3000 and have not had a problem with them since! I totally recommend this product!"
*****
Caption: Claire Keeply, doctor; keeper of the QS9300 project
"I was expiriencing sleeping problems on account of my horrible plot bunnies. I would wake up exhausted and frequently expirienced insomnia at the hands of the little vermin. Then I saw an advertisement for the Plot-Bunny 3000, and I admit; I was skeptical at first. The first time I used it, I was impressed by how easy it was to handle. It's very light and compact, for a high-powered rifle. I've slept much better since using the Plot-Bunny 3000!"
*****
"Thanks, Bobby, Claire! We'll hear more from them later on in the show, but now, I'm pleased to introduce to you the creator of the Plot-Bunny 3000, Albert Eberts!"
*Applause, Applause*
"Thanks, Darien. It's a pleasure to be here with you today!"
"It's great to have you here! Now, tell me, because I'm just dying of curiousity. How did you come up with this revolution in the science of plot bunny riddance?"
"Well, I was often attacked by my very own plot bunnies, and I was tired of it. I just thought, 'This world needs a better way to rid itself of these pesky menaces.' And thus the Plot-Bunny 3000 was born!"
"Wow, that's amazing, Albert! Thanks for being here with us today!"
"You're welcome, Darien!"
*Applause, Applause*
"Here's Chuck Davis to tell you how to get your very own Plot-Bunny 3000!"
*****
We see: Alex Monroe hunting through a wooded area with a Plot-Bunny 3000
We hear: Chuck Davis begin speaking:
"The Plot-Bunny 3000 is a revolution in the field of writing! A God-send for the plagued writer! To order, send two payments of 49.99 to the address on your screen. Or to order by credit card, call 1-888-PLOTBUNNY.
"And if you order within the next ten minutes, we will include a year's worth of ammunition: FREE! That's right, FREEBIE!
"So, order now!"
*****
"Thanks, Chuck! Well, that's all the time that we have for today, everyone! I'm Darien Fawkes for Plot-Bunny 3000, saying good night, Bunnies!"
*****
Announcer:
"This has been a presentation for Plot-Bunny 3000. The views expressed in this program do not represent the beliefs of the employees of this station."
FIN~
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