Title: Pathetic-Crush-Boy
Author: kbk
Disclaimer: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", “Angel” and all characters are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and various other people and companies. Not me. I make no money from this.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: And I quote: "You'll be writing for katemonkey Who wants "Dopplegangland" and flippancy in times of stress And doesn't want Angst"
Notes 2: All dialogue taken from transcript of episode from buffyworld.com.
Notes 3: This may have been a friend's idea, that Oz should be hiding babbling behind the laconic facade, but it became a group idea and I don't really remember, so. Don't want to take credit for it, though.
Notes 4: Darling Mim read it through for me, so thank you to her.

Oh God, there's Angel. He's so hot. It's not fair. How can one man - OK, yeah, vampire, still very definitely male, despite the lipstick - be so hot? Not that anything's going to happen, because, hello, Willow, girlfriend, Willow-y goodness, and also the part where he's utterly obsessed with Buffy and of course he would be because she's a skinny pretty blonde (but I swear she got a nose-job that summer, and I'd barely even looked at her before and even I noticed), and oh.

"Oz." Oh, the voice, the voice, not fair, chocolate and silk and stay cool, man, it's what you do.

"Hey, man." Nicely done there, Danny-boy, nice opening, but quick, don't stall, he might notice something, talk to him, ask him something, what's he interested in? "You looking for Buffy?" Oh, please, you dork. If he wasn't, he's not about to tell you, it's not like he even knows you, you're boyfriend-of-best-friend-of-on-off-girlfriend, the only legitimate reason he has for talking to you is looking for Buffy.

"As always." Oh, that's so sad... Like the old stories, the faithful servant, the boy working for years to win the girl, though Angel tends to fit fairly squarely under the "tragic hero" label - hey, fairly squarely, remember that for lyrical use - oh, of course, fair and square, not new after all, never mind.

"Well, no sightings as of yet," oddly apropos, since she's a supernatural creature in her own right, even if she doesn't like to admit it, "but I think she said she'd show." Actually, did she? I don't really remember, it's not like I pay attention, but if he thinks she's coming then he'll hang around a bit longer, and, um, yeah. Hi. Pathetic-crush-boy, I'll be here all night.

I will, actually, because, duh, gig, and also it's not like there's anything else to do. Mostly duh, gig though, and at least one of us has to stick around to check about repeat bookings and stuff. And Angel might hang around a bit, and he must have some interesting stories, and the Scooby gang should turn up later (hmm, since Buffy's the central point, does that make her Scooby? She wouldn't like that at all) and even if they don't I can find someone to hang with. I mean, there's... Huh.

People moving, people shrieking, whole big gang of vampires playing at sheepdog, though some kind of predator would probably be a better analogy, but I can't remember which ones herd their victims - um, raptors did in Jurassic Park but I don't know how accurate it was to science and I don't know how accurate science is to truth and. Um. That does not look good. "That doesn't look good." Also looked quite painful, poor guy. Tables tend to be quite unforgiving when you're thrown into them.

And now the head vamp is yelling, because that always impresses people. Obviously. He certainly gets more attention than the teachers tend to, though.

"Alright. Nobody cause any trouble or try to leave... and nobody gets hurt." Yeah. Right. They've taken over the Bronze for humanitarian purposes, and those great big teeth are only used as nutcrackers. Actual nuts, not guy-nuts. Ew, that would hurt. Lots. I quite want to cross my legs now.

"Why don't I believe him?" Angel's voice as quiet as I've ever heard it, an odd feeling of intimacy even though it's just to avoid drawing attention, but I can totally imagine it in another sort of situation but now I have to reply.

"Well, he lacks credibility." Oh, hey, nice one, Daniel, and you even managed volume control, which frankly is quite impressive given the situation - wait, which one am I talking about? The crush or the vampires? Though the crush is a vampire and. I really ought to be paying attention to what's going on, and I am actually capable of doing the sensible thing, I swear.

They seem to be serious about not letting anybody leave, which doesn't bode well, given that anyone still in here is probably going to get bitten sooner or later, or just killed... What's so cool about the Bronze, anyway? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't... OK, yeah, the fact that it's the only club in town and a prime gathering place for tender young things like myself (don't you dare think of that, Osbourne, don't you dare think you wouldn't mind a certain vampire finding out just how tender you are, oh for gods and little fishes shut up) sounds like a reason all right.

If they don't want us out, then out is where we should be. But I see no exits. Angel, on the other hand, tends to be a little more adept at. Well, everything except guitar. Hey, I wonder if he's musical at all... But on the physical side, he definitely has advantages, so. "Can you get outta here?"

He's looking up, and I can't help thinking of woodcuts of saints, and there's a scary amount of religious imagery associated with him and with vampires in general. I wonder if there's a Watcher thesis on that. Probably several. "Skylight in the roof." Oh. "I can make it." Well, of course you can, you're special. So go to, then.

"I think we need some backup." I really do. I think I'm nowhere near as good at fighting as I should be, considering, and even Buffy hesitates before taking on more than three at a time, so I think he should get out, and I'm going to firmly ignore that little ache of horror at the thought of seeing him go down.

"I think I'm needed here." Because, of course, he wants to be a hero, and who doesn't? He's got some impressive voice modulation there as well, or it might just be that he doesn't always get variations in tone.

Time for drastic measures. I'm going to have to make a facial expression to emphasize my point. Damn it. One eyebrow or two, though? One's more for the cynicism, and this is more a situation for dubiety, so I think two. Two eyebrows raised. "Ten to one. Could get pointless." Could go badly wrong very quickly. I wonder if that was a pun on stakes, but it doesn't really work all that well, so I'll pretend it wasn't.

Someone at the door, might be help, probably more... vampires... Oh. Shit.

"Look. Everyone's all afraid. It's just like old times."

Willow.

"Get Buffy. Do it now."