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TITLE: FORSITAN MISEROS MELIORA SEQUENTUR AUTHOR: Brian'na Jackson E-MAIL: thegreatpyramids@yahoo.com WEBSITE: "Unlock the Universe" www.angelfire.com/scifi2/danieljackson RATED: PG PAIRING: Sam/Daniel SPOILERS: Abyss and Meridian SUMMARY: What if Sam had been the one captured by Ba'al? AUTHOR'S NOTES: The title is Latin for "For those in misery, perhaps better things will follow." This was my way of dealing with the misery I felt when Daniel went away again in Abyss. DEDICATION: For Becc, who introduced me to Stargate. I am eternally grateful! DISCLAIMER: This is for entertainment purposes only. I am making no money from this fanfiction; in fact, I'm actually losing it. Nothing related to SG-1 belongs to me, except in my mind. Major Sam Carter slid to the floor of the controlled-gravity cell with a groan. This day had started out as a simple reconnaissance mission. And now here she was, in the system lord Ba'al's clutches. Well, she wasn't about to let that last for long. Especially after the interrogation she'd just endured, of which she was sure there was more and worse to come. Ba'al liked gravity-altering devices. He'd used them to hold her against the wall, and slowly release knives into her chest. She had time to see the blades veering towards her, as she tried desperately to focus her mind on science; such as where these gravity-altering devices drew their power from, instead of focusing on the sharp slant of the blade that was digging into her chest. Or on the questions Ba'al asked about SG-1's codes, Earth's defenses, and the Tok'ra. Using a sarcophagus, Ba'al could torture her as strongly as he desired, even to the point of death, only to revive her for more questioning. Sam's body could be revived indefinitely, but after repeated sessions in the sarcophagus, her mind would not be able to keep up. All the more reason to get out of here sooner rather than later. When she was brought in, the guards had triggered another one of those nifty devices so that the wall became the ceiling, leaving her slamming into stone, and looking up at the guards. Climbing to her feet, Sam began to explore the rest of the room with a soldier's eye. Fifteen minutes later, she sank back down to the floor. She hadn't really expected an open window or loose brick, but the only thing her search turned up was confirmation that this was a very efficient holding cell. "Hello, Sam." Oh god. Sam's eyes jerked open at the familiar voice, startled at its closeness. There, across the room, she fancied she could see...Daniel.  Daniel, wearing a cream sweater, sitting calmly, and gazing at her with those trusting blue eyes she missed like hell. Oh god, she thought again. She didn't need this. Not now. Not when she had to use all her strength and focus to get out of this mess. Since Daniel's ascendance, Sam had never stopped feeling his influence. More than once, she'd silently disagreed with an order the Colonel had made, and waited for Daniel's voice of reason. More than once, she'd looked up from her lab research, expecting to meet Daniel's eyes. But she had never actually heard or seen him - until now. She'd thought she was holding up fairly well under Ba'al's torturous interrogations, but now that she was having delusions, she grew worried. "Sam?" Daniel's voice questioned softly. It sounded just like Daniel always had when he was concerned about her, quiet but insistent. Sam fought to hold back tears. Her hand found the third dogtag she wore around her neck...the one that wasn't for identification. It was one out of the two bearing Daniel's name...the other tag had been left on Daniel's body. She wore the tag as a constant, tangible reminder of Daniel's existence. "I do not have time for delusions right now," she said aloud through clenched teeth, trying to will the image away. "Look, I know it's tough to believe anyone in these circumstances, but I'm not a delusion," Daniel's image said. "Sam...it's me." Sam met his eyes, drawing a shaky breath. Everything about him felt like Daniel...the way he tilted his head while he waited for her response, the way his brow furrowed in concern over her, the way his baby blue eyes made her pulse quicken. She couldn't explain her reasons logistically, but she believed it was Daniel. Come to think of it, it was Daniel who showed her how to trust what she couldn't analyze. "Daniel?" The pain and frustration left her and, at that moment, Sam wanted nothing more than to envelop her best friend in a hug. She couldn't though, because he wasn't really there...not in a physical sense. She could never hug her best friend again. And he wasn't just her best friend. Something else had developed over the years they'd spent working, living, and saving the world together. Something she'd only realized as Daniel had lay dying of radiation exposure. Sam had fallen in love with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel...I guess I hoped that you always knew." They had almost lost Daniel so many times, but only then, as he lay in the hospital bed, so depleted of life, having given all he had to save an entire world; only then did Sam realize that she didn't know how she could live without him. She didn't know how to get up in the morning without seeing Daniel in the commissary, gulping down his beloved coffee. She didn't know how to get through a briefing without Daniel's impassioned and studious input. She didn't know how to step through the Gate without seeing Daniel beside her, his eyes alight with eagerness for the next discovery. She didn't know how to survive the rough times without Daniel standing by, never insisting that she talk it over, but always there for when she was ready. Most importantly, she didn't know how to live through a day without seeing Daniel, or knowing that he was just a phone call away. He had been her best friend for so long, the only person she could admit to that she wasn't always sure of herself. And now that she knew she felt even more for him...she couldn't recall if she had ever even told him how much his friendship meant to her. Now Daniel was unconscious, battling unbeatable odds. So she told him the only thing she could. "I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel...I guess I hoped that you always knew." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The memory passed in an instant, and Sam was pulled back into the present. Prisoner of a Goa'uld, trapped by gravity, and facing the man she loved who was...not entirely present. "It's good to see you," Daniel said, choosing simple words when his eyes spoke for him. "Daniel.." she tried again. "How -- What are you doing here?" Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Daniel looked at the floor before responding. "I came to help you. I don't know just how you're going to get out of here, Sam," Daniel admitted, "but I'm here for you." Sam couldn't find a voice with which to respond. Matching her gaze, Daniel said hurriedly, "I can't change anything, Sam. I can't break you out of here. It's not allowed. But I can...be here for you until this is over." And then what, Daniel? "Do you have happen to have any insight as to when that will be?" Sam asked instead. Daniel shook his head apologetically. "Ascending doesn't make you all-knowing. I'm just..." "On a different plane of existence." Sam interrupted. Daniel nodded. She always could finish his sentences. "Sam," Daniel spoke in a pleading tone. "The hardest part of being...who or what I am is having the power to change the things I can...and knowing I can't do it. Even when it affects my friends." "It's okay, Daniel. I understand." And she did. All his life, Daniel had pushed his limits to help everyone else. Now he had enormous abilities, which he had been able to attain only because he realized he couldn't use them to alter a world which wasn't his to tamper with. She understood that he had achieved something spectacular. She understood that he was learning things on a level that she couldn't. Ascension had kept Daniel's mind from dying...but it had still taken him from her. But he was here now. And Ba'al be damned, there were things she needed to say to him. "How have you been?" It was a start. "Good. Really good actually. Sam, there are so many things..." Daniel stopped, and Sam wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't find words to express the things he'd seen, or because he wasn't allowed to discuss them. He paused. "How have you been, Sam?" How did she answer that? She had been surviving one day at a time. "I've missed you, Daniel." She couldn't remember when she'd stopped holding back the tears, but by now they were falling to her chin. "Sam...I never wanted to leave any of you. But now that I have...I can't imagine being or doing anything else than what I am now." "I know, Daniel." Sam said, quickly wiping her eyes. When he was alive, when he had been her Daniel, he was never satisfied with his rate of learning. He had used caffeine as a way of stealing more hours for the study of languages and people. And now that he had found ultimate knowledge, he was finally satisfied. Did he even think about them anymore? "But it is so good to see you again," Daniel said again emphatically, as if reading her mind. "Daniel...there's something I've got to tell you. Something I tried to tell you in the infirmary, while you were - " Sam broke off, not able to voice what had happened even now, with Daniel sitting before her. Daniel was listening to her intently, but he jerked suddenly. "Sam, they're coming." Not now, damnit. She'd been given a second chance to tell Daniel what she should have said before. An instant later, and Sam could hear their approach too. Sam rose to her feet, listening. "Sam, I'm sorry." Daniel said, standing beside her. "I can't stop this from happening. But I'll be back. I promise." *** That promise kept her hanging on as Ba'al threw not only knives at her, but also a chemical he referred to as Tolvac acid. It seared into her flesh and after contact, she could feel it make its way through her bloodstream. She could not imagine any sensation more physically painful. Each time she slipped out of consciousness, Ba'al would shock her body awake for more. She focused only on seeing Daniel again, not even acknowledging Ba'al's questions until finally, she felt the life slipping out of her. After awakening in the sarcophagus, she was led back to the holding cell. The guards moved away, and she scanned the room nervously. “I told you I’d come back,” Daniel spoke beside her. "Are you ok?" Sam nodded. Her body had been revived, although her mind was exhausted from what she had just undergone. But standing here with Daniel, she was okay. For now. "Sam, unless you give Ba'al what he wants, he's going to continue to use the sarcophagus on your body. If you don't get out of here in time, your mind will be affected by the sarcophagus." Daniel paused, reluctant to go on. "You won't be yourself anymore. Before that happens -- Sam, I think I can help you ascend." "What?" Daniel was giving up on her? "I know you're a warrior, Sam. I know you've never considered giving up. But that's not how it would be. Ascension is just...traveling down a completely new path. It's different for everyone, but I can promise you that it would be an amazing journey." Would you be there? "Would our...energies...be able to reach each other? Contact each other?" Sam had never felt so incompetent about any subject as she did about ascension. She supposed only the ascended could comprehend it. Daniel closed his eyes. "Not exactly. Once you've ascended...you have to go your own way. But we would both be a part of something larger." Leaving her friends to grieve over another loss to the team? Sam wondered if Daniel remembered what it was like to be left behind. "Daniel...It's an incredible offer. But I'm not ready to give up on this journey yet. " "I can't help you out of here, Sam." Daniel's voice was pained. "It doesn't matter." Sam waved her hand dismissively. "Jack and Teal'c can. And Jonas. They won't have given up on me." The last sentence came out in bitterness, and she regretted it instantly. Typically, Daniel didn't flinch. "Sam, this place is a fortress." "If I can figure a way out of this cell, I'd have a fighting chance. That's all I need." "I don't think that's going to happen." Daniel's eyes searched hers. Sam paused. "You don't think...or you know?" Daniel just shook his head. "I just don't see how. And ascension will give you a way out." "Daniel - you don't know how hard it was after you ascended. We couldn't even be sure what was going to happen to you. Just that you had chosen it over a partial recovery." Daniel started to interrupt her, but she stopped him. "No, I have to say this. I didn't just lose a best friend." Her eyes watered with tears. "Daniel, what I didn't get to say - what I didn't let myself believe until you lay there dying - was that I love you." I love you. "Sam..." Daniel swallowed tightly. "I don't know what to say. I didn't know..."  "You don't - you don't have to say anything, Daniel," Sam said, her voice catching in her throat. She had known he didn't love her the way she loved him. Maybe if they had had more time, that would have changed. But she hadn't told him because she needed to hear it back. "I just needed you to know." "Sam, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to feel such pain." Daniel's eyes glistened with unshed tears as he thought about what his physical death must have meant to Sam. "I know, Daniel. It's not your fault." Daniel had exposed himself to the radiation knowingly, risking his own death for the chance to save a people. Though she had been angry for a time, she knew she couldn't fault him for his characteristic selflessness. He wouldn't be Daniel without it. His expression changed to one of frustration. "They're coming again. I have to go." He gazed into her eyes, seeking reassurance that she was able to face what lay ahead. Sam took a deep breath, bracing her mind and body for the interrogation. She gave Daniel a tight smile and, satisfied, he disappeared just as the guards became visible. *** The guards threw the switch before she had time to prepare for the rotating of gravity. Her back slammed into the new floor, knocking the wind out of her. By the time she had recovered her breath, Daniel was still nowhere around. Rising, she walked to the bench and sat down. Was he coming back? Trying to keep her mind off of Daniel's absence, she replayed what she had seen of the outside of her cell, and the rest of the building. She went over it again and again for at least half an hour, when Daniel appeared. "You were gone." It came out more accusing than she had intended. "I know, I'm sorry. There was something I had to do." Sam just nodded. Of course he had other things to do. "Anyway Sam, you were right. This journey isn't over. Not yet." Daniel spoke intently, leaning down in front of her on one knee. Sam was alerted by the insistence of his tone. "What did you do?" Daniel shook his head. "Not me. Jack and Teal'c. And Jonas. They figured out how to help you." Sam looked at him disbelievingly. Daniel could deny it, but Sam knew that he had found a way to reach them. A way to help them help her. "It's not much," Daniel continued. "But it's a chance. And it's going to be soon." How soon? Sam wanted to ask but knew Daniel couldn't answer. She wanted to know, not because she had to get away from Ba'al, but because she wanted to know how much time she had left with Daniel. He had come to her only because of her critical situation. If - no, when - she was safely back on Earth...he had no reason to come back. She would have to leave him, not knowing if she would see him again, and she didn't know if she could do it. "Sam, you can make it out of here. I know you can." Daniel said, mistaking the reason for her hesitance. "And what then, Daniel? When I'm well enough to 'Gate again, and you're not there...what then?" Daniel looked at her, finally understanding. "I don't know, Sam. But I can be here now." His image seemed to wane, and then he took her hand in his. Sam inhaled sharply. He was holding her hand in his. She could feel him. She looked at him, wide-eyed. "Only for a minute, Sam." He answered her wordless question. Her hand still in his, they both stood up. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she threw her arms around him in a hug. She could feel the ribbed pattern of his sweater, his breath on her back, his arms wrapped around her. He just held her until she found the strength to let him go. Taking half a step back, she looked into his face. "Sam, I'm sorry I never came to you until now. Things are...different for me now." Daniel smiled at his understatement. "Sometimes I forget what it feels like to exist in a physical state. I guess I didn't realize that things weren't changing for everyone else, too." That was just like Daniel, to be so awed by what was going on around him, that he sometimes hadn't realized when those around him weren't sharing in the appreciation of it. Sam felt her strength of mind returning. "And there are limitations...not so much as to what I can do, but as to what I should." Daniel explained. "But I'll be around more, I promise. I can't tell you when or how often....just leave the coffeepot on." Sam laughed through her tears. "I will, Daniel...We will. I'm not the only one that misses you, you know." Daniel nodded. "I'll come see Jack and Teal'c. Maybe General Hammond and Janet, too. She must have plenty of time on her hands, now that I'm not around to cure." "It’s going to be soon, Sam." He said, his tone growing more serious as he referred to her chance of escape. Sam looked at him, strength in her eyes. "I'll be ready." He took her hand again, once more, before reverting back to a non-physical state. “This is it,” Daniel told her as the lights flickered once, then shut down. “See you around, Sam," he added quietly. And then he was gone. At that moment, Sam broke into a run for the door. She was ready for a fight. **** Awakening to bright lights, Sam thought for an instant that she was still in Ba’al’s clutches, being revived by the sarcophagus. As her eyes gained focus, she saw the ceiling of the infirmary, and Janet standing over her. Jack, Teal’c, and Jonas were watching her intently. “Hey Carter.” Jack said, his face beaming with relief. “Looks like you’re going to be ok.” “Yes sir,” Sam told him, remembering Daniel‘s last words to her. “I am now.” THE END
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