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Interlude 1: The Past: The stage was dark. The theatre was small and intimate, nestled in the attic of a quiet inn. The ceiling was streaked with thick black beams, crisscrossing the Tudor woodwork like ribs in the body of some enormous beast. The light came from candles on the seven tables in front of the stage, arranged in a heptagonal pattern. There was one more table in the room, holding centre stage. On it there was a single glass of water, with a large jug next to it. A woman sat next to the table, on an old, but ornately carved, mahogany chair. She had drawn her long hazel hair back into a bun and her face had been set into a look of concentration for some seconds now. She was counting backwards, waiting for the connection to take over. She had forged a link with the world of the dead, and was sending her mind into it, waiting for one of them to call back. They usually did by the time she reached zero. The spirit would usually focus its self through her then, using her bodily fluids to create the ectoplasm it needed to manifest itself, and manipulating her vocal cords to speak to the people there. It would look like a fluid apparition emerging from her nose to the people watching. The water was there to replenish her self after the drain on her body moisture in creating the ectoplasm. The dark and cavernous spirit world was genuinely empty. Usually, it only felt empty, with all the darkness. Then you realised the darkness was alive and trying to talk to you. Today it seemed as though the darkness were real. Then it moved. Not a small part of it, as normal, but the entire thing. It flexed its thoughts and she recoiled in shock. Everything, as far as her mind could feel, was all the same presence. The same, colossal presence. So vast and so frighteningly simple in motivation. She could feel thoughts crawling all over it. It wanted to kill her. It was the first truly non-human thing she’d ever felt in the spirit world. And it terrified her. It was so utterly alien, so ultimately malign and powerful. She didn’t even try to get away before the creature opened a massive maw, filled with thousands of needle-like teeth as tall as her. It sank them into her and took control of her mind. On the stage the medium stood. Her eyes were an opaque gold. She had a wicked smile on her face. She could feel the thoughts of the other people in the room brushing against her mind. To be amongst the living again was intoxicating. She pushed gently at their limbic systems and released the animals they concealed within them, turned them into the beasts they really were. Beasts unlike her; a creature of pure thought. She reached the tendrils of her thoughts across time and space, through the cracks in the firmament and reached the mind of her prey. She laughed, and walked through reality to find it… The Collector: The Collector was the leader of his species. He was the cleverest, and, given their unique powers, that made him the strongest too. He could think across time and space and communicate telepathically with every creature he’d ever found. He’d held conversations with amoebas. Admittedly they weren’t very exciting. His species had originally started out as bipedal humanoids. They’d taken to swimming. Really taken to it. About twenty million years ago. That’s how long it took them to evolve into jellyfish. As a consequence of living underwater, telepathy was developed as a means of communicating. They didn’t know that the primordial soup on their planet had contained the potential gene pool for the most powerful telepathic abilities in the entire Universe. At least evolving naturally. So the Collector had made a number of decisions. Given their mental powers, the other members of his species were actually surprisingly stupid, and responded to being led pretty well, so there were no problems there. He just told them what to do and they did it. Or at least that was how it was supposed to work. Actually, building the zoo was the first thing he’d told them to do, and now, with these new turns of events, it looked like it wasn’t actually going that well. The Now: memories mine must see look see understand where am i who am i the doctor i am but where … pain … everything wrong order no reality no sense non-sense skip it - you can look at those bits later a cohesive thought and another you can think again where are you and what happened to your short-term memory why is that bit so harshly damaged concentrate… what do you remember… … ah paaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn The Past: The Doctor felt like he was sitting in a lava lamp. He was wearing his usual clothes again, as were Nick and Alf, but given their surroundings he could’ve changed them with a thought. He wondered if Nick and Alf knew that. The Collector had manifested himself as a little old man and they were sitting around a conference table that looked like it was floating in a blue lava lamp. It was actually a small part of the Collector’s mind, sectioned off for this telepathic conference. In reality they were all still in their enclosures. ‘So let me get this straight,’ the Doctor continued, ‘you’ve opened a zoo for the good of your exhibits?’ ‘Yes, basically.’ The little old man seemed calm and in control. Which just irritated the Doctor. ‘Well I hate to say it but I was happy where I was, actually.’ ‘Yes but just think about it. With the money I get from the zoo, I’m planning to terraform new home worlds for all of the exhibits. I’ve even got cutting edge cloning techniques to repopulate them.’ ‘I don’t care!’ The Doctor was yelling now. ‘I want to go!’ ‘Well,’ the Collector sulked, ‘I think that’s very unfair on the others, denying them their chance.’ ‘I’m sure no one will miss me.’ Nick and Alf gave each other funny looks at this point. ‘Well from what I gather Doctor, you’re going to be one of the most popular attractions.’ This did nothing to improve the Doctor’s mood. ‘Indeed, if some of the invitation replies I’ve been receiving are anything to go by…’ ‘Invitations?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Are you entirely stupid?’ ‘No… I mean… there’s no call for that sort of behaviour!’ ‘Who have you invited?’ The Doctor’s voice took on the tones of a demand. ‘Oh, just some people…’ The Doctor’s look indicated he was not satisfied with this. ‘Fine. Well, the ones that showed most interest in you included the Sontarans, the Construct, the Narn, the Zygons, the Qux, the Ga'ould, the Cybermen and something called the Nestene Consciousness.’ For a long time the Doctor was quiet. His jaw hung open in something that could only be described as a look of shock. Deep shock. Nick was starting to get worried when the Doctor finally spoke. ‘Oh… my…’ ‘What?’ the Collector asked. ‘You really are the stupidest being I’ve ever met.’
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