And it is…

When last we left off…

Bumblebee: Say your prayers! It is MY time for conquest! MWAHAHAHAHA! All right guys, move in for the kill!

The Sucky Singers merge to form a gestalt of Paul Anka.

All: GASP!

Diarrhea: There is only one thing that can stop him…(whispers it to the group)

Megatron: Diarrhea, love, you’re insane!

Diarrhea: It’s the only way, Meggy! C’mon!

All the G1 Decepticons and Predacons join hands.

Skywarp: Jeez…I don’t wanna hold no dude’s hand!

Megatron: SHADDAP!

(singing to “We are the World“)

Diarrhea: There comes a time…when you heed a certain call.

Diarrhea & G1Megatron: When the world…must come…together as one…(they suck face)

Soundwave: There is sucky music…

BW Megs: Oh, and it’s time to lend a hand…

BW Megs and G1 Starscream: To stop, their awful gift of song…

Screamer: We can’t go on…pretending day by…SKYWARP! IT”S NOT YOUR TURN YET!

Skywarp: Sez you! Outta the way! (pushes Screamer)

Screamer and Warp fight on the ground. Rumble grabs the mike.

Rumble rapping: Me so horny…OW! (Soundwave smacks him)

Bumblebee: MWAHAHAHAAA! What a puny effort! And totally moot! Ready the speakers!

The Paul Anka gestalt stacks massive speakers with a CD of the Backstreet Boys ready to play.

Gabritron pushes his way to the front.

Gabritron: You pussies! This is what you gotta do! (singing) I’d like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony…ALL TOGETHER!

The Cons and Preds sing…

All: I’d like to buy the world a Coke, and keep it company.

Paul Anka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Voice: THAT’S IT!

Gabritron: Shit! Lawyer platoon! RUN!

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

In a secluded area…

Paul Anka Gestalt: Where were we?

Gabritron: On the edge of total destruction?

PA: Oh yeah! *blasts Backstreet Boys CD*

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (drops to the ground)

Gabritron: (groaning, starting to sing) Ugh…In your eyes, the light, the heat…

PA: AHHHHHHHH!

Gabritron: I am complete. In your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches…

PA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Disengages)

N’Stink Guy 1: Shit! Now what?

Barry Manilow: Last resort!

They bring out a brainwashed Blaster with a Donny Osmond tape in it.

Phil: PLAY!

The sounds of “I’m a Little Bit Country” is realeased.

Cons and Preds: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Gabritron: SOUNDWAVE! Trransform!

Soundwave transforms into his tape mode. Gabritron brings out a CD of Sledgehammer.

Soundwave: Wait a sec! I only play tapes, not CDs!

Gabritron: WHAT?

Dinobot: Outdated dishwasher!

Soundwave: Your mother!

Dinobot: Your father!

Gabritron: Hey, HEY! No time for this!

BW Megs: We’re doomed!

Inferno: What are we gonna do?

Diarrhea: GOT IT! I can play CDS!

All: Of course…

Diarrhea transforms into her CD player mode. Sledgehammer overrides Donny Osmond.

Sucky Singers: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

They crank up Blaster’s volume. All of a sudden, the Sledgehammer CD skips!

CD: Sledge! Sledge! Sledge!

Starscream: Shit!

Vomita: Screamer, hold me!

Starscream: Oh, not now…

Megatron: All right, Mr. Know-it-All, what now?

Gabritron: The ultimate sacrifice.

G1 Megatron: No way! Did that 5 million years ago!

(sings to the tune of Barry Manilow’s Copacabana)

Her name was Lola, she was a crack-whore,

at a Cybertron Cat-House, she gave me nasty crabs oh yeah…

All: …

Megatron: WHAT?!

Gabritron: Not that, you dumbass! I mean, I shall die in order for you to live!

All: GASP!

Hook: But how?

Gabritron: I can perpetually explode. Nothin’ to it.

Thundercracker: Oh…

In slow-motion speed…Gabritron rushes through the air, makes a flying leap and lands on Phil Collins.

Diarrhea in slo-mo: Whaaaaaat daaaaaaaa fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

Gabritron explodes, showering the area with bits of Phil Collins, Barry Manilow, Donny Osmond, Michael Bolton, and N’Sync.

Cons and Preds: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

G1Megs: He did it. Sonuvabitch did it!

All: HAIL, GABRITRON! ERADICATOR OF SUCKY MUSIC!

All dance the mambo to “Instruments of Destruction”

Diarrhea: Well, you gotta admit, that was a heckuva soap opera.

BW Megs: No shit. Thank you for helping us win the Beast Wars, my Queen.

Megatron: Diarrhea my love, will you marry me?

Diarrhea: GASP! Oh, Meggy! YES! YES!

Dudes: NO! NO!

Astrotrain: Don’t tell me this is gonna be a continuation of this Primus-awful soap?

Actually, NO!

Astrotrain: Whew…

We’re gonna start A NEW ONE!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!