Diarrhea is sitting on the mountain, testing more of her super powers. Some of the other Decepticons stand nearby, enchanted by her beauty.

Diarrhea: Lessee…fire nukes!

Diarrhea fires nuclear missiles, blowing up Canada.

Canadians: Godammit, eh?

Diarrhea: Tee-hee! Umm, lessee, I know I have so much more to offer. Oh! CD Player mode!

Diarrhea transforms and plays Peter Gabriel’s So.

Skywarp: I guess that makes you retro, eh, Soundwave?

Soundwave: Bitch…

All: GASP!

Thundercracker: I can’t believe you said that!

Blitzwing: Diarrhea’s gonna kick your ass! And we will, too! Where do you get off insulting her like that?

Soundwave: *Grumble grumble cuss…*

Megatron: Diarrhea? Love? Where are you?

Diarrhea: MEGGY!

They embrace and suck face.

Megatron: I was worried about you, love. You know how I flip out if you are not by my side for more than 1 microsecond.

Diarrhea: Tee-hee! Oh, Meggy!

They walk back to HQ. The rest of the Cons run up to them.

Starscream: Diarrhea, where have you been?

Dead End: We can’t function if you’re not around!

Diarrhea: Aww, you really missed me?

Scrapper: Of course we did! Why do you think we’re standing around saying all this stupid-ass shit?

Astrotrain: OW!

Dirge: What’s your problem?

Astrotrain: Something…bothering me…need medical help.

Megatron: Constructicons! Do your thing!

Everybody snickers.

Megatron. *SIGH*

Diarrhea: Hmm. I think I know what is wrong with him. Let me fix him!

Scrapper: You’re sure?

Diarrhea: Sure! I can do anything, remember?

Soundwave: Unfortunately.

Diarrhea transforms into microsatellite mode.

Diarrhea: All right, Train, open wide.

Astrotrain: AAAAHHH!

Diarrhea flies into Astrotrain’s mouth and goes down his pipe…

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

SHUSH! Anyway, she delves into his system to see what the problem is.

Diarrhea: Hmm, wonder what’s bugging him? Oh, I see it!

Diarrhea flies out of Astrotrain and transforms back to her normal self.

Diarrhea: I have detected the problem. It will require super-precision surgery. Fortunately, I can do it with all my skills.

Megatron: Ah, my beloved! So handy with a tool.

All the Decepticons bust out laughing.

Starscream: And to think I was bad!

Astrotrain: Diarrhea, can you fix me now?

Diarrhea: Sure! Just hop up on the table and put your feet in the stirrups.

Soundwave: Ew.

Diarrhea: Now I need some anesthetic.

Blitzwing: How about this? (Pulls out a sledgehammer and smashes Train with it.)

CRUNCH!

Astrotrain is knocked unconscious.

Diarrhea: O…K…time to operate!

Diarrhea turns on her scanners and pinpoints Astrotrain’s problem. She produces laser scalpels from her subspace pockets and starts cutting.

All: Wow…

Starscream: Look at the precision!

Thrust: Look at the style!

While operating, Diarrhea manages to clean the floor and pay the bills.

Thundercracker: Look at how easy she does this!

Soundwave: Look at the hamster in Astrotrain’s recharge port!

All: EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!

Rumble: AAH! I wondered where Peeper went!

Dirge: Peeper? That’s a geeky name!

Rumble: WAAAA! My hamster! PERVERT! (Punches the unconscious Astrotrain in the face.)

Soundwave: SIGH If it makes you feel any better, Rumble, we’ll go to Petco first thing in the morning and get you a new one.

Rumble sulkily: I suppose.

Megatron: Now that that’s done, let’s fight the Autobots!

Diarrhea: No need, Meggy. I’m setting my missiles to fire upon Autobot HQ. It’ll totally destroy them and the Autobots will be finished.

All: YAY!

Megatron: Ah, my beloved.

Diarrhea: Ready? GO!

Diarrhea fires the missiles, sending them on target with Autobot HQ, which is blown to smithereens.

All: YAY!

Skywarp: Wow…I can’t believe it. The Autobots are really done for!

Thundercracker: Now we can pillage!

All: YAY!

Diarrhea: Wait a sec! Why do we need to pillage?

Megatron: We are Decepticons, my love. That’s what we do.

Diarrhea: Oh, I don’t know, Meggy. That seems so…barbaric.

Starscream: Uh…

Motormaster; We got news for you, girlie…

Diarrhea: No! I will not hear of it! You can’t do this! (Storms off)

Megatron: SIGH I guess I better go talk to her.

Everybody makes whipping noises.

Megatron: SHADDAP!

Megatron walks down to Diarrhea’s quarters and opens the door. He finds her sitting on the bed crying quietly. Megatron’s heart breaks---

Bombshell: Wait a sec? Since when did he have a heart?

Shrapnel: Dude, remember we’re dealing with fleshie fics now, now.

WILL YOU ALL GET OUTTA HERE?

Kickback: Sorry…

ANYWAY, Megatron feels terrible for Diarrhea feeling so sad. He quietly walk up to her and pats her head.

Megatron: ARF! ARF!

Diarrhea: Huh…?

Megatron: Heh-heh. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. What’s wrong, pumpkin?

Diarrhea: Oh, Meggy…it’s just that I think Earth is so beautiful. Why do we need to pillage?

Megatron: Love, we are all wanting to get back to Cybertron!

Diarrhea: I know. But isn’t there any other way without killing everybody?

Megatron mumbling: Obviously this chick has not read any of the scripts.

Diarrhea: What was that?

Megatron: Uh, I said this brick has not bled any of the drips.

Diarrhea: Oh.

Megatron to himself: Damn, I’m good.

Diarrhea reading Megatron’s mind: Not as good as I am.

Megatron aloud: YIPE! Well, my love, we shall see.

Diarrhea and Megatron walk out to the ensemble.

Soundwave: Well, chief? What’s the first plan of attack?

Megatron: Well…I’ve decided to wait. Maybe we can get some energy without having to suck this planet dry.

All: HUH?!

Diarrhea: Oh, Meggy. I’m so happy! I’m so proud of you! Come here.

They suck face.

Frenzy: Damn…

Dirge: At least we don’t have to worry about the Autobots anymore.

All of a sudden, Omega Supreme lands outside the base. The Autobots get out.

All: WHATTHEFUCK?

Megatron: No, it can’t be! Diarrhea destroyed your base!

Optimus Prime: We know. We were out on holiday when it happened.

Skywarp: Oh yeah, where did you all go?

Bumblebee: Disneyland! You like? (Bumblebee is wearing Mickey Mouse ears.)

Rumble: I want one! OW! (Soundwave smacks him.)

Prime: Which is why we are here.

Megatron: You brought us presents? Goody goody! I’ve always wanted a Goofy doll!

Starscream: Oh, I can’t pass this one up…

Megatron: SHADDAP!

Jazz: If you ask me, he’s more like Dumbo!

Megatron: What part of SHADDAP don’t you understand?

Jazz: The DAP part.

Megatron: GRUMBLE

Prime: Actually, we have a favor to ask. Since we have no home, can we stay with you?

Megatron: Uh…

Starscream: Can’t you stay at a hotel?

Prime: Well, we would’ve if somebody didn’t blow the rest of our cash on 6000 cases of pickles! (Glares at Ironhide)

Ironhide: I told you I was sorry, Prime! The vendor said they were magical lucky leprechaun turds!

All: TURDS?!

Ironhide: WHAT?!

Megatron: Well…I suppose so, but he’s sleeping outside! (Points at Ironhide)

Ironhide: Aww…

END??