It is a lovely evening, as these horrid soap stories usually start out. Vomita and Starscream are making out on a hillside with the sun setting in the background.

Vomita: Screamers? Love?

Starscream: Mmmm?

Vomita: Do you still have plans to overthrow Megatron?

Starscream: Huh? Oh, not since you came into my life, Vomita. I’ve been blinded by your beauty. To be honest, I haven’t even thought of Megatron since I met you.

Vomita: *GRIN* I love you, Starscream. I just try my darndest to keep you out of trouble.

Starscream: *blushes* Aww…

Skywarp: Get a room!

Starscream: SHADDAP!

Vomita: Tee-hee!

Rumble: HUUUUUURRRRRLLLL!!

Vomita: That’s not bad, Rumble. But check THIS out! HUUUUUUURRRRRRLLLLLLL!!!

A monstrous tidal wave ensures from Vomita’s mouth. Rumble drowns.

Starscream: Heh! Oh, Vommie, you’re so talented.

Vomita: Tee-hee! Let’s kiss some more!

Screamer: Not without brushing your teeth first.

Starscream and Vomita go out for an evening flight. Vomita is so happy and Starscream sighs with joy because it’s great to be in love.

They land on an open field.

Starscream: Look! Daisies! (picks a bouquet) For you, my sweet.

Vomita: Aw, Screamer… (they suck face)

Starscream: Look!

A bully is thrashing a young innocent Decepticon.

Vomita: Look! Screamer! That poor kid!

Starscream: No fear, my love.

Screamer storms up to the bully.

Starscream: See here, you…

***WARNING WARNING***

The following scene has been deemed too graphic for the fanfic audience. We shall pick this up at the end of the fight, already in progress…

Starscream is picking up his afterburner off the ground.

Screamer: Ugh…

Vomita: Screamer! Are you ok?

Starscream: What the hell does it look like, you dumb bitch?

Vomita: …

Starscream wedging his foot out of his mouth: Uh…I mean, I’m ok, my sweet. (They suck face)

Vomita: Hey! You see that?

Starscream: What?

Vomita: It’s Ellie May! She’s crying!

Screamer and Vomita investigate.

Vomita: El? Sweetie? What’s the matter?

Ellie May: *sniff* I want to go out with Megatron.

Starscream: Oh boy…

Vomita: *GASP!* You can’t! He and Diarrhea are very much in love!

Starscream: Listen to her on this, Ellie.

Ellie May: I don’t care! I will make Megatron mine, no matter the cost!

Optimus Prime: Whatever…

Ellie May storms off.

Vomita: Oh, dear…

Starscream: Don’t worry about it, love. I’m sure she’ll cool off after a while.

Later…

Ellie May and Urinia are arguing with Diarrhea.

Urinia: Why do you have to hog Megatron, Diarrhea! What if he wants to go out with someone else?

Ellie May: Like me!

Urinia: No way, bitch! I mean me!

Ellie May: Me.

Urinia: ME.

Ellie May: ME!

The sisters duke it out on the floor. All of a sudden all the male Cons rush into the room.

Ramjet: YEEEEAAAAAHHH!!

Skywarp: Let’s see some hair pulling!

Dirge: We don’t have hair!

Skywarp: We don’t? Uh…SHOW YOUR BOOBS!

Scrapper: Jeez…

Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Megatron charges into the room.

Megatron: All right, all right, break it up you two!

All: Aww…

Thundercracker: Can we see just a flash of titty first?

Megatron: SHADDAP! Girls, what the hell is this all about?

Ellie May: Megatron, I wanna be your woman!

Urinia: Nuh-uh! ME!

Ellie May: ME, DAMMIT!

Skywarp: Now why the hell don’t we ever get the chicks?

Thrust: I believe it’s due to the fact we are nothing more than moving props in the series.

Skywarp: Grrr…

Megatron: Ladies, I am so sorry. I am spoken for. Right, sweets?

Diarrhea: I keep trying to tell them, Meggy. But they won’t listen to me.

Urinia: We…shall…see. (storms off)

Megatron: Oh, that was lovely.

Diarrhea: I need to take off…

All: GASP!

Soundwave: You’re leaving us? NOOOOOOOOO!!

*BOOM*

Soundwave kills himself.

Diarrhea: I meant, that I need to go on a flight and shake this off.

All: Ahh.

Starscream: Soundwave’s still dead.

Megatron: Crap.

Diarrhea: No prob. I can bring him back.

Diarrhea blinks.

Soundwave: Huh? Wha, wha happened?

Diarrhea: Tee-hee!

Diarrhea takes off for some solitary time. She lands by a lake and admires her reflection in it.

Diarrhea: SIGH I wish the girls would leave me alone. Is it my fault Meggy finds me so irresistible? I mean, I am the strongest, prettiest femme there is. He was mine first to begin with.

Suddenly, footsteps approach!

Diarrhea: El? Is that you?

Ellie May: Dammit! How did you know?

Diarrhea: My radar. (Gets to her feet.) You’ve come to fight me!

Ellie May: Damn telepathic powers…

Diarrhea: What do you want?

Ellie May: I want Megatron, too. I will do anything to have him, even if it means getting rid of you. (Points laser cannon at our heroine.)

Diarrhea: Ellie May! You don’t mean it!

Ellie May: I do so. I’m tired of being in your shadow. Of getting all the second-rate goods because you are a Mary Sue. For once, I want to have something first. And that something…is Megatron.

Diarrhea: No! Megatron only has eyes for me! I am his true ladylove! Megatron wouldn’t have you! You don’t have my warrior spirit!

Audience: OOOOOOOOOOO!!

Ellie May: We shall see. Come on, bitch!

Diarrhea and Ellie May fight. Of course, Ellie May gets her ass kicked. Diarrhea flies back to Hook’s office, leaves her there, and knocks on the door.

Hook: What the…(opens the door and sees Ellie May in a heap) Awright! My Slutbot.com shipment’s in! (Picks up Ellie May) A little damaged in shipping, but what the hell.

Diarrhea runs past Megatron and Vomita on the way to her quarters. Vomita sees the pained look on her sister’s face.

Diarrhea: Can’t cry…in front of army…looks weak…ruins my makeup…shit! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Vomita: I gotta go, Megatron. I think Diarrhea’s in a lot of pain.

Megatron: Boy, you catch on fast, don’tcha?

Vomita opens the door to Diarrhea’s quarters to see her sobbing on her bed.

Vomita: What’s wrong, sis?

Diarrhea: *SNIFF* I’m sorry, Vomita. It’s just…

Vomita: Urinia and Ellie May?

Diarrhea: YES! Don’t they realize Megatron has eyes only for me?? What can I do?

Vomita: Hmmm…wait! Diarrhea, I can fix up our sisters with other Decepticons!

Diarrhea: How do you know that will work?

Vomita: I’ll sweet-talk a couple of the guys into wooing them.

Diarrhea: Like who? They gotta be good!

Vomita: I was thinking of Ramjet and Blitzwing!

Diarrhea: SNIFFLE I guess that could work. But those two? They don’t strike me as boyfriend material.

Vomita: Well, neither do Megs and Screamer, but all the fanchar chicks seem to throw themselves at them. Besides, I know with a little work, our sisters could turn those two into perfect gentlemechs! Despite the fact that it’s too contrary to the storyline.

Diarrhea: True…

A while later…

Diarrhea: Vomita? How did you do?

Vomita: See for yourself. (Points to Urinia and Ellie May making out with Blitzwing and Ramjet respectively.)

Blitzwing: Wow…never in my wildest dreams, Urinia.

Urinia: Oh, Blitzy!

Ramjet: Yeah, uh, same for me, Ellie May!

Ellie May: Tee-hee!

Diarrhea: *SIGH* Oh, I’m so happy because my sisters found somebody!

Vomita: What about Bloodclot?

Diarrhea: Hmmm…how about we worry about that next episode!

Vomita: Suits me.

Meanwhile, at a secret rendezvous…

Bloodclot: There you are. I missed you so much.

Voice: Aw, I missed you, too. Come here.

They suck face.

Bloodclot: I wish I could just stay with you forever, Hound.

Audience: GASP!

Hound: I know what you mean, hon.

Audience: Ooooooohhh…

Bloodclot: God, shut up already!

END????