Con HQ…

Diarrhea is feeling depressed.

Diarrhea: *SIGH*

Megatron: What’s wrong, my little buttercup?

Diarrhea: Meggy, I haven’t been straight with you.

Megatron: My love, I don’t understand.

Skywarp: She’s a lesbian! I knew it! I KNEW IT! Can we see some action here?

Megatron: SHADDAP! (blasts Skywarp)

Diarrhea: When I joined your forces and became your woman, there was something I did not divulge.

Megatron: I see…and what are you wishing to divulge, my love?

Diarrhea: Well, snookums, there’s more to me than meets the eye.

Megatron: Well, of course there is! That’s our logo! Don’t you pay attention to anything?

Diarrhea: *giggle* No Meggy, I have four sisters.

Megatron: SISTERS?! (Drools all over the place.)

Diarrhea: Yes, I established contact with them this morning. I thought they were long dead…

Megatron: What happened?

Diarrhea: The author thought them up yesterday morning. She then told me to make contact with them and bring them into the storyline.

Megatron: Ahhh…so when do we meet these delectable creatures?

Diarrhea: Right now, Meggy.

**BOOOOOOOOIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!**

Megatron’s codpiece goes flying.

All: EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!

Diarrhea: Tee-hee! Oh, Meggy!

Megatron: Heh heh. Oh, sugar pie! (They suck face.)

Rumble: Oh, put it back on, will you, leader?

Diarrhea: Tee-hee!

Diarrhea goes into the back room and brings out four femme Seekers, all look just like her except for different colours. (Puke green, yellow, red-black and pink.)

All: Ooh…

*BOOOOOIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!**

A shower of codpieces goes flying past the girls.

Chicks: AAAHHHHHH!!!

Diarrhea: Fellow Decepticons, I would like for you to meet my sisters...

Vomita, Urinia, Bloodclot, and Ellie May.

The puke-green Seeker steps forth and curtsies.

Puke-green Seeker: I’m Vomita. I can create massive tidal waves of…

Soundwave: Vomit?

Vomita: Yeah! How did you guess?

Soundwave: Call me Kreskin.

The yellow Seeker steps forth.

Yellow Seeker: I’m Urinia.

Megatron: Let me guess, your specialty is urine, right?

Urinia: RIGHT! Oh, you guys are so smart!

The black-red seeker waltzes up.

Seeker: I’m Bloodclot!

Megatron: O…k…and what about you, sweets?

Pink Seeker: I’m Ellie May!

All: HUH?!

Motormaster: Wha…your name’s not Intestine or anything like that?

Ellie May: *GIGGLE* No, I was named after Ellie May on The Beverly Hillbillies.

All: Wow…

Soundwave: What luck! More beautiful femmes.

Astrotrain: At least we won’t have to sneak around with Diarrhea behind Megatron’s back.

All: …

Astrotrain: Shit…

Megatron blasts Astrotrain.

Megatron: And who are these lovely femmes created for?

Diarrhea: Uhh…nobody.

All: WHA?!

Diarrhea: See, I was created to be Meggy’s One True Love. The others are just…

Starscream: Luggage?

Diarrhea: Exactly.

Other sisters: HEY!

Vomita: No fair! You mean we have to be in your shadow all the time?

Diarrhea: Yes, I’m a Mary Sue, remember?

Ellie May: Riiiiight…

Diarrhea throws a welcome back party for her sisters. She makes goodies, decorates, and plays the music (Much to Soundwave’s jealousy.)

Urinia: Wow, sis. I didn’t know you missed us that much.

Skywarp: Especially since we didn’t even know you guys existed until a little while ago.

Diarrhea: SHADDAP!

Scavenger: It’s interesting how these girls get a party thrown for them. When the Constructicons joined up, we immediately got dispatched on some dumbass assignment.

Diarrhea: Well, we’re special.

Bonecrusher: Because you’re a self-insertion fanchar, right?

Diarrhea: BINGO!

The party starts. The males are a little nervous to ask the females to dance because they are just as pretty as Diarrhea.

Diarrhea: NOT QUITE! I’m still the prettiest one here!!

Whatever.

Starscream: How about her, Vomita?

Skywarp: You gonna ask her? I was thinking of Bloodclot myself.

Soundwave: I’ll go with Urinia.

The dudes dance with the chicks.

Starscream: Wow, that Vomita…she is so beautiful. I honestly believe I’m falling in love…

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Starscream: What’s so damn funny?

Thundercracker: You…HAHA! Falling in love…*SNORT!* With someone other than yourself?

Starscream: I’ll show you! Come on, Vomita! Let’s get some privacy!

All the guys make kissy-noises as they leave.

Skywarp: Have a good time playing Mr. Sensitive, Screamer! BYYYYEEE!!

Starscream and Vomita go for an evening flight. They stop at a cliff and just stare at each other.

Starscream: Care to dance?

Vomita: All right.

They begin a slow dance to a tune only they can hear. Starscream and Vomita passionately kiss, thus the beginning of yet another Mary Sue romance.

(The audience groans. Half of them commit suicide.)

Skipping to the next day…

Diarrhea: Well, girls, now that we are reunited, let’s see if we can form into our gestalt.

The others: YAAAAY!

They merge into a big chick.

Megatron: Excellent! I didn’t know you were a gestalt, and a doggone beautiful one at that.

Big chick-bot: TEE-HEE!

Megatron: So, what is your name?

BCB: Uhhh…we don’t have one.

Megatron: HUH?! All robots have names. Just pick one.

BCB: PHFFFFTTT!

Megatron: Well, it’s unique…

PHFFFFTTT!: No, Diarrhea had to go.

Megatron: Ugh.

PHFFFFTTT! disengages. Diarrhea and Vomita run into the arms of their respective boyfriends.

Megatron: Diarrhea, you never cease to amaze me. Not only do you have equally beautiful sisters…

Diarrhea: Hmph!

Megatron: …eh-heh, not as beautiful as you, of course!

Diarrhea: Oh, Meggy! (They suck face.)

Megatron: Mmmmph, mmp-mph-mmph, m-MMMMMMMM!!

Subtitle: The Autobots are finished. MMMMMMMM!!

Diarrhea: Hmp-mmm!

Subtitle: Tee-hee!

Megatron: Hmmmmmm…

Subtitle: Hmmmmmm…

Vomita: Oh. Screamer!

Starscream: Oh, Vomita! (They too suck face.)

Urinia: Hey! I want a boyfriend!

Bloodclot: Me, too!

Ellie May: Me three!

Diarrhea: But you weren’t made to have boyfriends, just myself.

Urinia: What about Vomita?

Starscream: I’ll take this one. See, a lot of female fleshies out there think that despite my cold, bitchy, power-hungry personality, I can be capable of love and compassion. Anyway, some of them take it upon themselves to create female characters to be my “girlfriend”…

Thunder cracker: Yeah, and they really make you look like a wuss!

Skywarp: More than usual, you mean?

Starscream: QUIET! Where these chicks get the idea that I can love, I have no clue. Personally, I think they are crazy for thinking so, but I just go along with what’s in the script.

Skywarp: Otherwise, you don’t get paid.

Starscream: Exactly. Come here, pookie!

Vomita: *giggle* Oh, Screamer!

They suck face.

Urinia: Hmph! I will get a guy, even if it kills me!

Bloodclot: Me, too!

Skywarp: Uh-oh…

Coming up…

Will this fanfic series be turned into the all-time worst soap opera?

Will some of our uh…more lonely Con males actually have a companion?

Soundwave: Not very likely.

Hey, I’m talking here! Get outta here, you overgrown garbage disposal!

Soundwave: Soundwave superior; author inferior.

Oh yeah, you see THIS?! (Brandishes eraser.)

Soundwave meekly: I’ll be good.

Anyway, more to come, Lord help us all…

Not the end, just a pause for station identification!