Megatron: Fellow Decepticons, I have an announcement!

Starscream: You’re going to abdicate the throne and let me become leader? YES! (starts dancing)

Megatron: No, no! You see, ever since my sweet baby bombshell…

The Insecticons: HUH?!

Bombshell: We never dated!

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Skywarp: Megatron and Bombshell, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…

Megatron: QUIET!! (Blasts Skywarp)

Bombshell blows his head off.

Megatron: SIGH ANYWAY, since my lovely girlfriend came into my life, I feel…nice.

Soundwave: Nice?

Rumble: Cheez…

Megatron: Since Diarrhea came into my life, I felt complete. There are things in life that matter more than conquering the galaxy.

All: HUH?!

Starscream: Like what, leader?

Megatron: Well, like…flowers!

Thundercracker: Flowers?

Ramjet: What the hell are flowers?

Dirge: Those coloured things that grow in that green stuff and die when it gets cold.

Frenzy: That green stuff is grass. That shit ain’t so bad. One time, me and Rumble and Skywarp rolled some up and smoked it. Trippy, man!

All: …

Frenzy: WHAT?!

Megatron: Ok, lessee, where was I…oh, yeah! Helping people! That matters. too!

Starscream: What the fuck…?

Megatron: See? These are pamphlets from such fleshie organizations as Toys for Tots, Greenpeace, Red Cross…WHAT?!

Soundwave: You gotta be kidding me.

Ramjet: You know, this Red Cross don’t sound too bad…OW!

Skywarp: Somebody check his cranium! He had to have been hit pretty bad.

Diarrhea: I’m ashamed of you all! Meggy is just trying to make this world a better place.

Thundercracker: We don’t WANT to make this geeky mudball a better place! We just want enough energy to get back to Cybertron.

Megatron: SHADDAP! I will not have you all screaming at my beloved!

Starscream: Well, SOMEBODY’s got to let the bitch know who’s boss…uh oh…

Diarrhea: Listen, I know what’s best; I am the voice of reason. We are going to help out the humans.

Megatron: My love! You are so cute when you are assertive.

Diarrhea: *giggle* Oh, Meggy!

They suck face.

Soundwave: Oh, boy.

Megatron: Starting tomorrow, we shall help out. Can I get a cheer?

All: …

Diarrhea: YAY!

Megatron: Oh, my little buttercup.

Diarrhea: *tee-hee!*

The next day

Megatron: All right, fellow Decepticons, here’s what we’re gonna do. Soundwave, you, Rumble, Frenzy, Skywarp, and Starscream will bake goods for the Ladies’ Auxiliary. The rest of you will help me and Diarrhea in picking up litter by the side of the highway.

Rumble: Aw, this bites!

Megatron: I knew you all would be looking forward to this! Now take off!

Bob McKenzie: Yeah, you hosers!

Doug McKenzie: You take off, knob!

All: THUNDERCATS, HO!

Ratchet: Did someone call?

All: …

Ratchet: WHAT?!

Starscream: It’s always the ones you least expect.

Thundercracker: More or less.

The groups split up and head in their respective directions.

Skywarp: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

What’s with you?

Skywarp: You said “head”.

*SIGH*

Megatron and his merry crew land at the litter pick-up place.

Chick organiser: Can I help you?

Megatron: Yes, my army and I would like to volunteer to help pick up litter off the sides of the road.

Scrapper: No way! Get us outta her--MMMMPH!

Chick: I…see. Bob, do we have any vests in XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Large?

Bob: (unintelligible garbage)

Chick: Here you go; start at the 4 mile marker and work your way back. (throws vests at them)

Megatron: Excellent.

Diarrhea: Oh, Meggy! *giggle*

Megatron: Oh, pumpkin! (They suck face)

Bonecrusher: Oh, barf!

Megatron: MMMMMMPH!

Subtitle: SHADDAP!

Scrapper: This sucks.

Scavenger: Hey, check these funky rubber bands out! (picks up a used condom) What’s this weird stuff inside them?

Mixmaster: Kinda looks like cottage cheese.

Thundercracker: That ain’t cottage cheese, moron!

Scavenger: How would YOU know? You ever had cottage cheese? (Tastes the…stuff) ICK! Salty.

Thundercracker: *sigh*

Dirge: Wow, these things are so pointy. And sharp!

Ramjet: Well, how else do you expect to pick up the trash with it?

Thrust: Check this out! (Throws it like a javelin and impales Bob.)

Bob: OW!

Thrust: Holy shit!

Ramjet: Lemme try! (Throws his and impales himself.) AAAAHHH!

All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Dirge: Hey, wonder how we’ll do when we’re really drunk?

Thrust: One way to find out!

Six cases of beer later…

Dirge: Huh, whur a we? Megashron’s gon kik ur butts!

Thrust: Looky, lookee. (Throws the stick and jabs himself in the eye) Ow…lemme try tht agin…ow…ow….ow…

Thrust repeatedly jabs himself in the eye while Dirge barfs his guts out.

Ramjet: Look, I’m Megatshron! BOOOOOOOMMMM!!

Ramjet fires his laser and slices through a prison chain gang, freeing them.

Crooks: YAY!!

Megatron: WHAT THE BLOODY BLUE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?

Dirge: Oh, looky here.

Ramjet: Yeah, looky here.

Dirge: It’sh our great leader.

Ramjet: Yeah, our…BLLLLLEEEEAAAAAGGGGHHH!

Ramjet barfs all over Megatron.

Thrust pointing at Megatron: Now, shee here, buddy, I been wanting to get zis off mychesht for a zhilliun years…I…CLUNK!

Thrust passes out.

Megatron: *sigh*

At the bake sale…

Little Old Lady: All right, now, put the chairs here, the tables here, or should it be the chairs there and the tables here…?

Starscream: MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND!

Old Lady: Now, now, sonny. Everyone wants a piece of Thelma’s apple pie. You’ll have to wait your turn.

Starscream: Grr.

Old Lady: I know. Yummy, isn’t it? Oh dear, I forgot to put on a Depends…

Starscream: Christ…

Soundwave: How are the brownies coming, Rumble?

Rumble smoking grass: Huh…oh, yeah…the brownies…wow, Jerry Garcia!

Frenzy: Look, man! Timothy Leary!

Skywarp: Whoa…

Rumble, Frenzy, and Skywarp are transported to a tye-dye fantasy of Grateful Dead bears and lava lamps. Jimi Hendrix starts a jam with the Rolling Stones and Janis Joplin. Everyone sits around and grooves.

Rumble: Whoa…like, totally awesome!

Frenzy: Yeah, like, I’m in a stone groove!

Skywarp: Groovin…wow.

Jimi Hendrix: Hey! Gimme some!

Frenzy: No way, get your own wack taback!!

Hendrix: AAAAHHHH!!

Frenzy and Jimi Hendrix are fighting over Frenzy’s stash.

Jerry Garcia: Whoa…that is not grooving.

Skywarp: You can say that again.

Skywarp and Garcia pass a joint back and forth. Grace Slick strips naked.

Grace: WHO WANTS ME?

Mick Jagger: Give it up, love. You’ve been with everybody.

Grace: Oh yeah.

Rumble: Hey, you haven’t been with me! I’ll make you “Rumble”. You’re old, but I’ll do you.

WHAP!

Rumble: Ow!

Skywarp: Totally uncool.

Garcia: You said it.

Soundwave walks into the kitchen to find the oven on fire and Rumble, Frenzy and Skywarp stoned to the 8^th degree.

Soundwave: AAAAAAHHH!! FIRE!!

Rumble: Light up the bong, dude.

Frenzy: Totally uncruzzamatic.

Skywarp: Hey, look! A fire!

All: Whoa…

Soundwave: GET OUT! THE CHURCH IS ON FIRE!

All stare blankly at Soundwave, who throws them all out the window. Outside on the lawn…

Rumble: Wha-wha happened?

Soundwave: You burned the damn place down, that’s what!

Skywarp: Trippin.

Soundwave: AAAAAHHH!

WHAP!

Skywarp: OW!

At the police station…

Prowl Wanna-Be, Better Known as Bluestreak: Let’s see, one count of murder, one count of arson, three counts of marijuana possession, one count of posthumous assault…

Frenzy: He started it!

Jimi Hendrix: Like Hell!

Bluestreak: QUIET! Three counts of public drunkenness, one count of impaling, you let a chain gang of convicted criminals loose and worst of all, two counts of gross display of affection.

All pointing at Megatron and Diarrhea: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Megatron: SHADDAP!

Diarrhea: Tee-hee!

Starscream: So whaddya gonna do to us?

Prowl Jr: Well, we’re letting you off with a warning for all but the display of affection. You two are gonna fryyyyyyyyyyyyyy…

All: HUH?!

Skywarp: Typical of the justice system.

Bluestreak: Come on, you two.

Megatron: Surely you can’t be serious!

Bluestreak: GET GOING!

Megatron: Sheeze…

Diarrhea: At least if we’re gonna die, we’ll die together!

Megatron: That’s right, pumpkin.

They suck face.

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

*BOOM*

THE END