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Edition 3:
April 2004

Force Factor

Kessel Invasion

Kessel is the center of the spice industry. Any smuggler, thief, or euntrepeneur would love to control Kessel's mines. One smuggler has made it clear he will do what ever it takes to gain that control. One standard week ago, Talon Karrde gathered everyone in his smuggling syndicate to invade Kessel. Z-95 Headhunters, modified freighters, and a stolen Interdictor Cruiser were used during the attack. The mines and prisons on Kessel suffered severe damages. Moruth Doole, the leader of Kessel, would not surrender until he fully realized the power backing Karrde. After taking control of the planet, new defenses were immediately constructed. Reconstruction of the mines and facilities began, also. New Republic officials answered questions about the Kessel attack with the following:

"At this time details of the attack are sketchy. A strike team is, however, being assembled to assist the Kessel resistance and to bring down Karrde's criminal syndicate."

Energy Spider Survives on Kashyyyk

A supply shipment to Kessel was smuggling spice from Kessel into the New Republic. A young energy spider apparently hitched a ride on the transport. Upon arrival the energy spider escaped into the dense Kashyyyk forests. A wookie hunting party came across a glitterstim web spun by the energy spider. The party sought out the web's source. They came across the energy spider and almost destroyed the alien creature. However, the energy spider escaped taking a member of the wookie hunting party with it. Little is known about energy spiders except that they thrive near nucleuar battery boxes. The energy spider in kashyyyk seems to be surviving well, but there are no nucluaer battery boxes nearby its location. Ever since the spiders's appearance the forests tend to develope an eerie silence at times. Wookie pets and freshly killed animals go missing in the middle of the night. Carcasses are found near villages, almost mummy like from a lack of fluids. The wookies, though excellent hunters, have been unable to capture or kill the energy spider. They have sent out for help. If the energy spider manages to somehow reproduce then the entire ecosystem on Kashyyyk is in jeopardy. If you have any information that could lead to the capture or death of the energy spider on Kashyyyk please contact the city officials of Rwookrrorro on Kashyyyk.

Leia's Affair With Chewbacca

On a diplomatic mission to Kashyyyk, Princess Leia Organa Solo was accompanied by her wookie bodyguard, Chewbacca. This was at Han Solo's request. A source on Kashyyyk brings us this news:

Princess Leia arrived promptly and without incident. Her first order of business was a diplomatic tour of the city and surrounding villages. While on the tour the Princess and Chewbacca seemed to be flirting. No harm right. I at least thought it was Chewbacca. They all seem to look alike. As the tour continued so did the flirtation. After the tour Wookie leaders met with Princess Leia. The meeting was heavily guarded and an entrance was unattainable. I waited for four hours outside. After the meeting the princess went to her quarters. I began to set up surveillance hoping to get a story. Around midnight, I heard someone enter the premises. Shortly thereafter I began to hear moaning coming from inside the Princess's room. I looked into the window only to see the wookie bodyguard standing there. Disgusted I immediately turned away and began to think of reasons for this obscinity. Was Chewy relieving stress with the Princess willingly?! No, it could not be. Driven by that odd curiosity in all beings, I approached the window once more. There he was and . . . the Princess too!!! A wookie and a human girl going at it together. I was on the verge of regurgitating all my stomach contents after I gave a brief owl like screech. Immediately wookie guards were on both sides of me with outstretched weapons. They began to beat me. Days later... what I believed to be days later, I awoke in a wookie hospital. Beside me was the Princess. Being a reporter I immediately began to interrogate her. She stopped me in mid sentence and gave a surprising offer. If I were to talk about the incident I would be taken under her control and done with as she pleased. However, if I kept quiet I would be given many thanks and some, how did she put it, "gratifing excercisng of two bodies." Well I guess I'm just another ignorant reporter. I took the second offer then went into hiding to write this piece. Help me!

Racers VS. Raiders

Swoop and pod races become more and more dangerous after every race. Much of the danger comes from obstacles on the course; modified racers, Tusken Raiders, and the landscape. The Tusken Raiders make a sport of shooting and destroying the racers vehicles during a race. There has been a total of thirty racers who have been killed in the last two races. Eighteen of those deaths have been caused by Tusken Raiders. Deaths caused by Tusken Raiders are up by 78% according to last years statistics. In response several racers are arming themselves. Several racers have been gathering after the races. They call themselves RFTRPC, Racers For Tusken Raider Population Control. RFTRPC members travel to areas of the courses where Tusken Raiders have been spotted. Then, they search for the Tusken Raiders. By using their pods and swoops they are able to catch the Tusken Raiders pretty easily. RFTRPC members then kill the Tusken Raider parties. Only one or two Tusken Raiders are left alive. These one or two Tusken Raiders are left alive to spread the word about what will happen if they "hunt" pods and swoops. The RFTRPC thought that would be enough to stop the attacks. However, their strategy had the opposite effect. Tusken raiders are now organizing their clans. Many are becoming allies with enemy clans. Now, not only are Tusken Raider camps being destroyed but pod and swoop tracks, along with hangars, are being sabotaged. Tusken Raiders are using hit and run tactics to kill anyone associated with the racing industry: dealers, announcers, racers, and even track owners. Tatooine is turning into a war zone. Racers VS. Raiders. Who will win?

Inside the Mind of a Smuggler
The Han Solo and Chewbacca Interview

H= Han Solo
C= Chewbacca
R= Reporter Tinn Seewan
R: Lets get started, shall we.
C: Mu nay ya.
H: He don't like you pal. You tryin to hide somethin?
R: No, I don't believe so?
H: You don't believe so?!?
R: I. . I mean no.
H: Good you better not be hidin anything. If you are you won't be walkin much longer Chewy will    tear your legs off.
R: So this giant furball is your partner?
(Chewy slaps the Seewan on his temple)
H: Hey, you had better watch yourself pal! Chewy doesn't take kindly to insults.
R: Yeah, sure. Now lets get to the interview. How did you acquire the Millenium Falcon?
H: Won it in a sabacc game versus a friend of mine.
R: Who was the friend?
H: Who is your mother? Tell me that and I'll tell you who my friend is.
R: Point taken. Okay, well is the Falcon really the fastest ship in the galaxy?
H: Is it?!? What you never heard of the records this ship flew on the Kessel run.
R: Kessel run? What's that?
H: WHAT? Wow, never mind. Get on with the interview. I'm getting tired of talkin to you ignorant    reporters.
R: Ignorant? Listen here, I could have you sent to one of the lovely mining facilities on Kessel right    now? All I. . .
H: Don't even try it pal. Me and my partner won't tolerate you tryin to contact the authorities. If you    try I'll have Chewy tear your arms off. Then we'll tie ya to the Falcon's landing gears, land on an    asteroid, and leave ya to the damn mynocks.
C: Uma!
H: That's right Chewy. I'll let ya do whatever you want to this guy.
R: Now hold on just a minute, give me another chance.
H: Whatever, but screw up again and you'll be sorry.
R: How are things in the dating realm?
H: Not to good. (shoots a look at Chewy) Not to many girls like to try and know a guy who is    around a giant seven foot tall hairball most of the time. Chewy tends to scare people away.
R: Really, I wouldn't know why?
(Chewy laughs and then hits the Seewan square in the chest)
H: Hey, you furball! Don't you dare laugh! Laugh again and I'll have you skinned you walkin carpet.    Don't you realize your ruining it for some of us. Some of us need to have a mate. NO, NOT a first    mate, a damn female, you know a wife, a family! Damn it Chewy! Lets get on with this.
R: So, info from the underground says your quite the smuggler.
H: My business is completely legitamate. If your trying to say that I'm a criminal. Well tryin to show    I'm a criminal will just get you into a whole lot of trouble buddy.
R: So your not a smuggler?
H: Your right I am not a smuggler. I am a transporter. I transport goods from one location to another    using any means available for some very respectable people. Smuggling is such a harsh word. I'd    be careful how you use it.
C: Uma.
R: Next, (flips through his notes) ahhh. . . What do you fear the most?
H: Mynocks. Damn things will tear my ship to shreds. And I tell you I won't let anything harm my    precious.
R: Mynocks? I didn't think a man in your field would be afraid of something as small and weak as a    mynock.
H: Yeah, well your probably afraid of your own mother, so I'd shutup if I were you.
R: Actually I am afraid of my mother, oops! Did I just say that out loud? Damn! uh. . . so, what's the    wampa afraid of?
(Chewy protests showing how he will tear Seewan in two)
H: He's afraid of going too long without tearing someone in two. And, wow, it sure has been a while.    He's actually past due for tearing someone apart. Hmmmm.
R: Ohh... umm... I see... well ahh... now the last question. Is it true, well you know?
H: Know what?!?
R: You know. There are rumors saying that you have trouble... This trouble could be the real reason    your not winning the dating game.
H: You mean... Are you tryin to suggest that I can't get my speeder started, my blaster powered up.    Why I oughta.. Chewy, you ready to have some fun?
C: Uma! Uma! Uma!
(Chewy begins to approach the reporter)
R: What the hell are you goin to do? No, no nooooooo!
(The reporters screams fade away as Chewy makes quick work body starting with his limbs)
H: Good job, Chewy. I'm gettin tired of these reporters. They are annoying and, hell, stupid too.    You warn them about something and they just keep trying to get the story. It's like they care more    about the story then their lives. Well that's their own fault.

Micro News

Cantina Band

Mos Eisley Cantina is in need of a new band. Looking for an up beat group. Night and day bands wanted. If interested please contact Chalmun, cantina owner. Will pay up front.

Exotic Dancers

Attention exotic dancers and those who are interested in becoming exotic dancers. Jabba the Hutt is looking for dancers to dance in his court. Dancers are given the best of care and living conditions. Wages are determined by how well you dance. The better you dance the more money you will recieve. If you are interested please contact Bib Fortuna and set up an appointment in our lovely palace.

Ancient Vibroblade For Sale

Ancient vibroblade for sale. Perfect condition. Used by a Sith Master. Has had professional care since it was found. Will sell for 3,000 Republic credits or best offer. Contact Tealc Yuvanian:
1090 Ithtem St.
Sector 56
Level 70
Coruscant City
Coruscant
Planetary Code: 1

Aratech Speeder For Sale

Aratech speeder for sale. Don't know what kind. Was husband's. He recently passed. Speeder must go. Speeder is dark red, looks to have little damage, and runs fine as far as I know. Will take best offer. Please contact Shianniela Hevmac at 934-898-2109, Planetary Code 345.

Advertising

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