Force Factor June 2003 Issue I The Caamasi Hitman Joak T'kopablud was identified as an assassin victim near Coruscant's Imperial Palace. The body had been ripped apart by various Coruscant scavengers. Traces of blaster wounds were discovered on the body. Witnesses had reported hearing screams and blaster fire just a few hours earlier. "There was a high pitched scream after a couple of blaster shots. I have never heard anything that hurt my ears like that. Then a suspicious looking Caamasi came out of an alley over there. for a Caamasi this guy was looked vicious. Looked like he carried a blaster rifle. One that I have never seen though." The above was stated by an anonymous witness fearing for his life. The most peaceful species, this writer knows, is now bringing up bounty hunters. The Caamasi Hitman is suspected of being a bounty hunter due to many of the threats out against T'kopablud's life for cheating in Sabacc games. If anyone has any information on the Caamasi Hitman, please report it to the nearest security office. Caamasi Hitman, if you are reading, Force Factor definitley wants an interview to bring our fans up to speed. Coming Soon- Inside The Mind Of The Caamasi Hitman By Nick Kaminoan Caught With Clone Lama Su sent Taun We down to check on the progress on the clone batches. Taun We traveled down the pristine hallways. Hearing strange screams, both human and kaminoan, in a public restroom, Taun We entered to see if anyone was hurt. Upon entry a scream of pleasure came from a Kaminoan. A humanoid voice came from inside the stall, "Almost. . .." Taun We, surprised, screamed. Interrupted by the kaminoan's scream the stall went silent. Taun We peered under the stall. Pinned between the wall and a clone was a kaminoan known as Noau Do. Taun We fled immediately and called security. Public display of affection is illegal in topica city. Not having a call in a long time, security immediately arrived full of adrenaline, hoping there may be some excitement taking place. The clone trooper and Noau Do were immediately arrested. Charges were brought against both but the clone trooper was able to get his dropped. "I was only following orders," the clone told the judge. The kaminoan faces charges of obstrusting with the training of a clone, endangering the general welfare of the public, and public display of affection. Why endangerment charges were brought upon the kaminoan is unknown. One last note, Noau Do recently returned from a business trip to Coruscant. Those that attended the trip with her were human. Maybe it's not the first time. . . By Nick Womp Rat Completes Stone Needle Two nights ago, a citizen of Mos Eisley drove their T-16 Skyhopper to a cantina. Due to an exotic paintjob the vehicle was the object of much interest. It bore pictures of a lush forest with beautiful blooming flowers and flying animals. Off to the side of the vehicle, curious onlookers noticed a womp rat snooping around. In minutes the fully grown vicious creature crawled in and took the vehicle for a spin. Witnesses say the scene was amazing. "The beast just took off then traveled to Beggar's canyon," one said. The rat persisted to travel through the canyon with pursuit. The womp rat managed to pass through the Stone Needle, a stunt that few complete and live to tell. The feat earned the fury beast the nickname "Stone Rat-tler." The Stone Rat-tler then proceeded to travel to miscellaneaous moisture farms and take pot shots at the farmers, as well as, Jawas, krayt dragons, and other natives. "The creature possessed a keen need for speed and will to kill," exclaimed, moisture farmer, Trey Dantes. Amazingly enough the beast landed in an abandoned spaceport. Security officials immediately called womp rat expert, Mart Ptor. Ptor entered the facility in an attempt to capture the elusive Stone Rat-tler. After one standard hour, the entrance was opened. Security officials entered. The Stone Rat-tler was nowhere to be seen. However, Ptor was everywhere. The only way Ptor was recognized was the fact that he was the only being within the bay. "The scariest, most gruesome site I have ever seen was spread throughout that room. The event haunts my dreams," cried a very nervous corporal. So the next time you visit this desert planet, beware. Don't leave your vehicle unlocked. Who knows, the Stone Rat-tler may just steal your vehicle next. By Nick Sticky Fingered Toydarian One week ago, TRU, Toys 'R' Us, began hiring multiple species in order to comply with last month's Working Species Rights Act. The act requires that no place of employment may discriminate against other species. Due to this act, TRU hired a rowdy Toydarian. Apparently the Toydarian was sneaking around after hours with hauling equipment. The toy store had recently implemented a new security system. Immediately the systems movement detecting lasers were set off. The system then beagn to record the movements of the Toydarian and sent a message for security officials to come detain the thief. Upon arrival, security surrounded the building. The toydarian left out the back door and clumsily fell into a trap. Troopers immediately detained the felon. Now the Toydarian faces charges of theft and illegal entry. The stolen merchandise included E.T., Spawn, Bart Simpson, Star Trek, and Barbie figurines, along with multiple holographic video games. By Nick Yoda Turns to Dark Side-"Die the Jedi will." The 800 year old Jedi master, Yoda, confronted a mysterious foe in Coruscant's lower levels. The offender was strong in the Dark Side. Too strong. The little green Jedi fought valiantly and won. But Yoda had not really won. The Wolf, as we will call Yoda's attacker, taunted Yoda to cause disruption within Yoda's Force calming techniques. "Midget, is that all you got?", "Hey leprechuan!", "For an ugnaught you fight well but. . .", "Your mama is so fat she'd squash a Hutt.", and "Did Dorothy lose her way, maybe you could help her." are some of the taunts the Wolf used. That sort of taunting could send any height challenged being into a rage. Jedi Master yoda continually tried calming techniques but was so enraged he just broke down. Flipping, slashing, and rolling, doing everything a Form 4 fighter would, Yoda vanquished the Wolf. Then something strange happened. Master Yoda grew taller and more muscular. Master Yoda's features began to resemble those of the Wolf, which can only be described as torn, stretched, worn, and just gruesome. The Wolf was dead but his spirit was not. The Wolf's spirit was binding itself to Master Yoda's spirit. Realizing beings have persecuted him his whole life, the now Master Wolda vowed to destroy all those who offended height challenged beings. The master believed he was head of the Jedi Council because of his disability. He, therefore, vowed to destroy all Jedi. A dispatch from somewhere near the Outer Rim- "Master Wolda am I. Die the Jedi will." Beware all Jedi, tall beings, and you who have persecuted the short statured. For Master Wolda, it seems, is out to get you. By Nick	JAA Internal Links Subspace Communications The Holoprojector The Comlink
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