Spaceballs: The Sounds
These are some of my favorite wavs from Spaceballs. If there are any others that you would like to see, go ahead and email me at Yank2010@yahoo.com
Liquid Schwartz Wavs
SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD Who are you? What are
you
doing with that?
LONE STARR This.
HELMET Say goodbye to your
two best friends, and
I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
SANDURZ
(in high pitch) Prepare ship, (back to
normal) prepare ship for ludicrous
speed. Fasten all seat belts, seal all
entrances and exits, close all shops
in the mall, cancel the 3-ring circus,
secure all animals in the
zoo....
HELMET (takes the microphone) Gimme that you petty
excuse for
an officer.
SANDURZ We can't
stop. It's too dangerous. We
have to slow down first.
HELMET Bullshit.
Just stop this thing. I order
you. Stooooop!
VESPA I realize, now,
that love is one luxury
a princess cannot afford.
LONE STARR You're
probably right.
VESPA I know, now, that I must live without
love.
LONE STARR I guess so.
VESPA Besides, love isn't that
important.
LONE STARR Naaa, never was.
VESPA I could be perfectly
happy the rest of my
life without love. (looks at him)
LONE STARR Sure
you could.
VESPA Without physical contact.
LONE STARR
Yeah.
VESPA Without being held. (moves closer to him)
LONE STARR Yeah.
(moves in closer)
VESPA Or kissed.
Attendent - Five minutes to magic time
SANDURZ -Thank you, your highness.
HELMET -What'd you do?
SANDURZ - turned off the wall.
HELMET -No you didn't. You turned off
the whole
movie.
SANDURZ -Well I must have pressed the wrong button.
HELMET -Well, turn it back on. Put the
movie back
on.
SANDURZ -Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
HELMET -We gotta get that thing fixed.
We're back,
and we have the combination.
Captain of the Guard - Spectacular stunt. my friends, but all for naught.
GUARD (MILA) -What the hell are you
doin'?
LONE STARR -The Vulcan Neck Pinch.
GUARD (MILA) -No, no, no, stupid, you've got it much
too high. It's down here where the shoulder meets the neck.
LONE STARR -Like this?
GUARD (MILA) -Yeah.
LONE STARR - There's gotta be a self-
destruct mechanism somewhere in the central brain area.
CAPTAIN - You idiots! These are not
them. You've
captured their stunt doubles!
Colonel Sandurz - Do Something!
Barf - Let's go!
King Roland - Helmet! You fiend!
HELMET - Schlotkins.
SCHLOTKINS - What?
.
HELMET - We're done with you. Go back to the golf
course and work on your puts.
SCHLOTKINS - Let's go Arnold. Come Gretchen. Of
course, you know, I'll still have to bill you for this.
Helmet - Found anything yet?
Guard - We ain't found shit!
Dark Helmet - Now you see that Evil will always triumph because Good is dumb.
HELMET - What the hell am I
looking at? When does
this happen in the movie?
SANDURZ - Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything
that happens now, is happening now.
HELMET - What happened to then?
SANDURZ - We passed then?
HELMET - When?
SANDURZ - Just now. We're at now, now.
HELMET - Go back to then.
SANDURZ - When?
HELMET - Now.
SANDURZ - Now?
HELMET - Now.
SANDURZ I - can't.
HELMET - Why?
SANDURZ - We missed it.
HELMET - When?
SANDURZ - Just now.
HELMET - When will then be now?
SANDURZ - Soon.
Ring of the Schwartz Wavs
Helmet - Careful, you idiot. I said
across her nose, not up it.
Gunner - Sorry, sir. Doing my best.
Helmet - Who made that man a gunner?
Major - I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Helmet - Who is he?
Sandurz - He's an Asshole, sir.
Helmet - I know that. What's his name?
Sandurz - That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major
Asshole.
Helmet - And his cousin?
Sandurz - He's an Asshole, too, sir. Gunner's-mate,
1st Class, Philip Asshole.
Helmet - How many Assholes we got on this ship,
anyhow?
Spaceballs - Yo!
Helmet - I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes.
Keep firing, Assholes.
1st Ape = Dear me, what are those
things coming
out of her nose?
Helmet - Hey, hey, watch my helmet.
2nd Ape - Spaceballs?
1st Ape - Oh shit, there goes the planet.
Vespa - ahhh
Helmet - Fooled You!
Barf - What the hell was that?
Lone Starr - Spaceball 1.
Barf - They've gone to plaid.
Barf - there it is, Spaceball City, straight ahead.
Helmet - Commence operation Vacusuck.
Sandurz - She's gone from suck to blow!
Helmet - Put 'er there.
Helmet - The ring. I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book.
What a
goof. What's with you man? Come
on.
Barf - Okay, we save her, but how?
The minute we move in there, they're spot us on their radar.
Lone Starr - Uh-uh.
Barf - Uh-huh.
Lone Starr - Uh-uh.
Barf - Uh-huh.
Lone Starr - Uh-uh, not if we jam it.
Barf - Ah, ha! You're right.
Lone Starr - Down scope.
Barf - Down scope.
Barf - Radar, about to be jammed.
Dark Helmet- 'I bet she gives great helmet.'
Sandurz- 'uhhhhh.'
Spaceballs- 'Hail Skroob.'
Barf- ' One million spacebucks...we'll be able to pay off Pizza the Hut.'
Lone Starr- ' Gimme Paw.'
Barf & Lone Starr- 'Awhohohohohoho'
Lone Starr- ' That's all we needed....a Druish princess.'
Barf- 'Funny.....she doesn't look Druish.'
Lone Starr- 'awww Thank you
Dinks- 'Dink Da Dink Dink
Lone Starr- 'Did I miss something ....when did we get to Disneyland?'
Dark Helmet- 'I always have coffee when I watch radar....you know that.'
Sandurz- 'Of course I do sir.
Dark Helmet- 'Everybody knows that.'
Everyone- ' Of course we do sir!'
Barf- 'Check Please.'
Colonel Sandurz: 'Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?'
Dark Helmet- 'Ahhhh...Buckle This!'
Lone Starr- 'Uh oh, here comes the bad year blimp.'
Dark Helmet- 'Come back, you fat bearded bitch.'
Lone Starr- 'You are ugly when you're angry.'
Barf - Oh, no, Spaceballs. And they've
already got
her in their magnetic beam. Oh, well, we're too late. What a shame. I'll
just throw her in reverse, and we'll get outta here.
Lone Starr - Barf. No. Bad.
Barf - Oh, what are we doing risking our lives for
a runaway princess? I know we need the money...
Lone Starr - Listen. We're not just doing this for
money. We're doing it for a shit load of money!
Barf - Oh, you're right, and when you're right,
you're right, and you, you're always right.
Sandurz - Are you all right, sir?
Helmet - Fine. How've you been?
Sandurz - Fine, sir.
Helmet - Good.
Sandurz - It's a good thing you were wearing that
helmet.
Helmet - Yeah.
Sandurz - What should we do now, sir?
Helmet - Well, are we stopped?
Sandurz - We're stopped, sir.
Helmet - Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute
break.
Barf - I can't, I can't, I
can't go, I can't go
any further. I can't go any further.
Lone Starr - Just one more dune to go.
Barf - Nope. you said that three
dunes ago. I got
no more left. Oh, waiter, check please.
Bonus Mp3
Homer - When Marge first told me she'd be going to the police academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting ,you know like that movie - Spaceballs. But instead it been painful and disturbing like that movie ,Police Academy
