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Author's Note: It's too late at night to be doing this, but I couldn't sleep, well, so, you get to read the thoughts of Branden's mind. Help yourself. . . . Be patient to be great. Live to be patient. I haven't the patience in me. When the hours turn to minutes and I have no where else to go. I've been trying to take the time to figure myself out as of late. Trying to go that distance for myself. It all seems so pointless, but then again, most things do. Sometimes, I just sit back and wonder about what has gone so terribly wrong, but nothing distinct has come to my mind. Just a basic pile of events that have brought me here. Granted, things are looking up a bit. I've been doing some housekeeping with the company I keep. I'm begining to remove the people that hurt me, once more. I didn't want to, but really, it was them or me. I bruise easily, if the people that hurt me didn't know that, then they really didn't know much about me anyway and probably would have been to stubborn to take the time required to do so. I know I gave Rachel that chance, but she decided she was "mad" and "tired of acting as though" she wasn't. I think she said that minutes before I decided if she was that easily agitated, there was no point to keeping her around. I think that one hurt worst. I loved Rachel, I wonder if she can even understand the concept. She can be so self absorbed and childish. Maybe I expected too much of her. I expected her to think through things as I do, well before she acted upon impulse. I think most of my fears come from making the wrong decisions and that is why I take so long in making my decisions. The upside of that is that I know, 100%, what I want. I just got off the phone with Kelly. Kelly's an interesting one. I trust her. She ought to feel special, I trust so few people anymore. I used to give my trust freely, but, like most things free, it got taken advantage of one too many times. So, let me think. . . . what have I? In terms of material possesions, more than I can name, but it's odd cause possesions never meant anything to me. The few relationships I have, well, they are what I have. There's Kel, and Robyn, and Matt, oh and I can't forget Patrick. I often times forget to include him. Jesus, that list is depressing. I've no one near me. Kel and Patrick are the closest and they are both over an hour away. I still can't help but think that I'll be happier next year, but still the fear remains that I might not change, that I might not be going to the right school. I'll live regardless. Sometimes I question it, but I feel comfortable at the moment. I'm planning on going to see Kelly on Monday. It'll be strange with just me and Kelly, with no thoughts of seeing Rachel. She chose her own destiny though. Not I. And, we'll let the sun set on that comment. -one love.
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