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*Author's note: There's not much to note about this post. Let's just say that sometimes, things have to be let out, even though you don't know exactly what you are letting go. Screaming. . . at the top of your lungs won't do any good for those with no ears. Eventually, you get tired of screaming. Tired of listening. You get to where you want to be left alone. Alone with whatever happens into your mind. I need that down time. Time for peace and quiet. Time to think about me. I'm so tired now, but I know I can't sleep. Sleep is weird like that. It comes easily at times, and at others, it refuses all together. And the only thing sleep is realy good for is the dreaming and my mind has refused to recall my dreams for sometime now. So sleep's of no real use to me. Maybe that's why I've grown so frustrated, sleep doesn't come, the dreams are suppressed, and it's a never ending, uphill battle that I am loosing. I need to work on that. This weekend has been fairly decent, up until last night, for some reason, I got upset last night, like my world was caving in on me once more. It's such a sickening feeling to think that there's nothing you can do to control what happens to you. . . to think that everything you do is going to ruin your life. And no matter how hard you try, you just can't avoid it. You know, songs come on the radio often that pull you into a world you once knew well, but you can't get back to. That hurts too. Cause I always look back and think about how much happier I used to be, how much potential I once had. Then I look at myself now and just think of how crappy I turned out. It like I've reached my mid-life crisis at 18. Isn't that screwed up? I spent saturday with an old ex-girlfriend, that took me back. Truth is, I remember more about how she was than how I was back when. I don't like that. People have tried to explain it to me, but it never made much sense to me. It's something about how I put other people higher than myself and that's why I know more about others than I do about me. I want to know me, I want to understand me, but I really haven't the desire. I mean, how well could you really want to know someone you don't overly like? On the quest for answers, isn't it odd how we find more questions than we do the answers for which we originally set out? -one love.
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