I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this
So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
I never thought I'd end up here
I never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess i was wrong now one more time
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle yeah
So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good
Sick cycle carousel …
Part IV “hints”
"Thanks, I was starving.” Buffy continued to chew on her burger while Angelus kept his eyes on the road. They were headed to a cottage belonging to a dear friend near the Ocean.
“Don’t mention it, dear…you’d ruin my terrible reputation.”
She took a sip of the coke and stared at the bayside greeting them from outside of the car. The fresh air smelled like salt and sand. The waves sounded monotonous and reassuring at the same time, and the breeze made a constant undulation on the palm trees. Buffy felt her heart soar as the night enfolded her into its wet, clingy, dark and sensuous embrace…
And then again there was a constant nagging feeling that her friends and family would miss her, and worse…that she would not miss them.
What am I to do when I’m this happy? Really, it’s quite terrifying…to abandon all and never look back. What would have the last slayer thought about me? She would have called me a traitor, a slut or even a loose cannon, but who could blame me?
“I love the beach at night.” She laid a lingering hand of hers on his thigh as he caressed the side of her neck with lips and tongue. He was tantalizing her, subtly asking her to take pity on him. She was slowly coming towards his trousers as he drove through the cul de sac that signaled the entrance to the cottage. Buffy opened the buttons one by one with her teeth and then she fondled him through the clothes until he moaned and arched his back.
The car was now in park. Her head was softly bobbing up and down as he caressed her back from neck to buttocks and back up again, time and time again until she got restless and sat astride him. In her head, her thoughts were crystal clear to him…she had given in…all the way down to him, she aimed to please him as much as he wanted to be pleased. What Angelus didn’t recognize as love, Buffy recognized as happiness. She was free and happy and that was all that mattered to her.
No more curfews, no more jumping through windows, no more classes or exams, no more Giles, no more apocalypses or Judges or Masters…no more anything else! I can relax, I can travel the world, I can learn Spanish and how to make a Martini on my own. I’m the mighty Slayer and I can do whatever I want!
“Get back to that move you just did…and focus! I’d like to cum tonight!”
Grouchy! I kiss him with deliberate candor to inflame him to take the stand and leave the car, but he is more interested in my breasts. He observes them and sucks them with both mouth and teeth. My own hand slips around the place where our bodies are joined and makes little circles around my clit. I am quickly clenching and unclenching around him as he uses his hands to guide my rhythm to his pleasure. Up and down, in and out, shallow and deep, ever so slowly. After a few minutes I start shaking and sweating, letting the deep part and the sliding in last longer. Until I just burst, wave after wave of contractions and spasms and jerky sensations that have me griping his neck for leverage as my back arches and I get lost in the whirlwind of sexual pleasure.
I don’t fool myself thinking he loves me, because I know he doesn’t. He’s toying with me. He uses me to find ecstasy and later on to gloat about it…but I don’t’ mind that. I do love him because he tells me the truth all the time, because he makes me laugh, and cum, and feel secure. Even if he is evil and sucks blood to live, I still love him, and he has promised me eternity. You don’t give that kind of present to anybody. I mean something to him, even if it’s not love, it’s still good enough to make me scream his name whether I’m having an orgasm or in peril again.
And when I almost thought I could not hit another racketing jerk, he pushed all the way in and started again. I was limp and boneless and he was resetting. I took a deep breath, sighed and got myself ready to climb the steps again.
But he got impatient and just sucked my neck as he spilled inside. I could tell he had been holding back and that he would probably want me to ride a second orgasm as quick as he could. I did my best and he came. Even if he wasn’t screaming in pleasure, I knew he still had relaxed because his seed was sliding through my thighs as I walked through the door of his gorgeous beachside mansion.
+++
“Soon enough you’ll be my childe. Now go take a bath. I have to search for a few items I need before formally starting your training as a minion.”
And she didn’t flinch or even say no in her head. The thought of eternity with him was so very compelling. So much pleasure and surrender ahead. Because now Buffy knew how great it felt to surrender, after a much too draining fight. The fight to avoid damnation, that always ended near Hades or near Zeus, to the heavens or to hell. Or in Buffy’s case to neither. She was now formally contemplating the thought of never dying…again.
“Interesting, but I didn’t take my stuff…I didn’t say goodbye to my mother…I didn’t tell Cordelia to go to hell…I never had children! There’s so much to do still!”
Angelus took her hand while she ranted on and on about the past. “Cold feet are quite usual for young about-to-be-turned childes…” he said through their mind link. He was enjoying Buffy’s wave of sudden regret. Deep down she was just trying her hand at hard to get.
“Children… were out of question, and about the rest…It’s so very tough!” He said it with so much sarcasm Buffy felt like his eyes were going to go inside his skull as he rolled them with his performance of being terribly affected.
“Jeez, chill out, mister! I meant Master.” She pushed him out of her way with both hands and walked on to the cliff. He didn’t even move an inch but followed her…just in case she may have had any suicidal thoughts in her crazy head.
“I’m dead-cold…I don’t chill”
Buffy laughed ferociously at his words but relaxed as his arms wrapped themselves around her midriff and hugged her from the back. She was warm and alluring like sunshine, he was dark and mysterious like the moonlight. They represented to the perfection that thing old folks said about opposites attracting themselves.
“Of course you don’t!” Buffy felt for a few minutes like a girl inside a portrait. He was being so kind to her, so very understanding…so not like him. He looked happy, content even.
“Despite what has been said of my kind, I’m quite capable of being happy,” he whispered in her mind ever so softly. “It’s all about you. Your calmness fills me.” She smiled and hugged him closer, sharing her warmness.
A thought came into his mind, something he had once said to spike referring to her. “She made me feel human and that’s not something you easily forget.” In truth he never lied. Why would he? He was whole, powerful and undefeatable, he would have been right to want a prize. In this case Buffy had been his prize. To have her forever was his revenge on the centuries he had spent chained to the Wimp.
“You’re sulking, master.” He realized he was slightly melancholic for a second and changed immediately.
“Lets go inside. I’ve got games for you tonight.” He didn’t have to say much to make her horny. A seductive look and she was wrapping her legs around him…and that’s what he wanted. True surrender came like this. She’d never say no to him ever again.
At least that’s what he believed then.
Buffy would eventually realize the amazing power she had between her hands. He loved her, in truth it was spilling all too clear in his eyes, but what kind of love did he have in mind?
Surely it wasn’t the white picket fences and coffee snuggles she was envisioning. It was something towards shared carnage, moon hollering sex and Bondage parties. But what was she to know about that? Or him about the soft-spoken I love yous that came without a single word? Like Buffy baring her throat for him to feed, or her arm circling him as he slept, or her eyes ever searching the ground for suspicious girls with stakes and stuffy British guys with mustaches.
Love--it’s compromising, children. And that’s only the beginning, because when you are Angelus’ mate you are at the top of the food chain. Everybody wants to be you, especially those closer.
Part V “Beware of Spikes”
Two weeks after “Hints”
NOTE: the conversion takes place in “Downfall of a Slayer” the 6th part of the story
“Stop wasting my blood on tears! It’s only a leash and a collar.” He was mad. A fledgling by definition was weak and unstable. It needed to get used to the power and hunger. Buffy was most obviously nervous about her meeting with Spike and Dru. After a day with semi-vampiress skin, she felt as helpless as her first day as a slayer.
“Yes, master.” He stroked her neck softly as she bowed her head in response to the soft tug her master had given her down with the golden leash.
“It will all be all right. You will see. You’ll fit in so well…” He collected the running tear on his index finger and sucked it in. “Delicious.”
She smiled despite the sudden urge to crawl out of her skin.
“Thank you. I will not disappoint you, master.” Cold wind came into the bayside house as he opened the door to the terrace. The world lay open once again to her. Even she knew in her little heart that she would have a rough start. She’ll be the ally dog everybody picks at. She would have to endure it as the inner circle tested her and tasted her. She was breathtakingly beautiful and alluring as the moon to a werewolf. But she couldn’t have known that, no reflection and all that, but Angelus knew…and planned on taking advantage of it.
“I was hoping you would…riding crops were my specialty among naughty girls a long time ago.”
He was so bloody delightfully sinful, Buffy decided to be bad just to get a second taste of his meaner side. But just a little bit bad. He could get carried away and she would too, and what would Buffy do if she ended up liking this?
“Yes, master Angelus. I’ll be a very naughty girl for you. Only for you!” she said it as both a tantalization and a warning. She was his and only his. She did not want to end up on somebody else arms…especially not Spike’s.
“Shut your mouth, slave! You are mine to do as I please!” He yanked the leash up until she was plastered to his mouth. “And I don’t share!” Possessiveness was the mark of passion, and jealousy was the mark of love, because why fear others when you are completely sure…of her love.
Could it be that Angelus was in love? I would have said yes…but I could have been wrong.
+++
“Slayer.” He practically drooled on my nickname, and that made me frightened. He was William the Bloody, and you don’t get that kind of name when you are running for sainthood.
“That’s ‘Mistress’ to you, my child.”
I had almost forgotten we were bonded, and also the fact that I was on a leash, walking behind my master and… mate.
“Sure thing, pet. Really, Angelus, you had to just rub it in, didn’t you?” Of course! She is magnificent. Eyes like a cat, hair like living sunshine, skin like alabaster and deathly hands, delicate as porcelain pieces---but quite lethal. What else would you have done if you were me? thought Angelus out loud through their link.
He would have killed me, not bed me, said Buffy silently in his mind.
His mistake, Buff. Now you’re all mine. “Kneel on the silk cushion, slave!”
She did so. Around her were dozens of vampires and their minions. She had just entered the world of the order of Aurelius. A fledgling with amazing powers and astonishing looks---a turned slayer, something nobody had ever tried to do, because nobody had been brave enough to get that bloody close to one of them, especially the Slayer. Buffy was now synonymous to the boogey man for the vampires. She killed thousands over the years, and now…she was among them…kneeling at the left side of her master.
“Bring the other slaves, Dru.” Four of them, all males, came strolling, closely bunched and with their heads bent so low as to touch their chests.
Around Buffy there was extreme luxury and opulence. Gold doorknobs, crystal chandeliers, Aubusson carpets, mahogany furniture, and a Ming Dynasty base in a shadowy corner---displayed as if it was a little unimportant thing.
A dangling Swarovsky crystal lamp was high above, but it was barely illuminating the room. The entrance showed a Scorpion sign, above the name Quinn. His realm. Angelus O’Quinn kingdom…and now hers. And this was only the grand Saloon. Beyond that was a huge fireplace with sleeping cherubs made of onyx on either side, a portrait of Angelus riding a black stallion in the full moonlight above, a chaise long the color of the shiny silver moon by the gigantic left windows, and a cat.
Despite the very incongruous thought of it, there was a living jet black colored cat with blue near-white eyes staring at her right now. Around its neck was a diamond necklace and silver plaque that said, “Moonlight.” Buffy’s eyesight was as good as a hawk’s now, and in that moment they were harshly poised on the wild pet.
It was a present to his new mistress. A lovely cat to accompany her, a she-cat, of course. A hunter. Buffy turned her eyes slowly towards the action in front of her as the cat licked her paws. Angelus was disciplining his other slaves. He spoke in hushed tones, and that was all the more frightening. He dangled a diamond and gold cross in front of the worst one, a red haired male dressed in black and emerald green. His eyes were dark brown and were now silently pleading to Buffy’s as Angelus pressed the cross to the base of the vampire’s neck.
“Sooner…or later you’ll learn to behave and obey, Marlon. I’ll personally see to that or… would you rather have Dru and Spike do it?” The man said “No” with his eyes and head and kissed his masters knee while he received his dutifully deserved punishment.
Angelus caught his mistress’s sudden silent moan through their link. He laughed slightly under the crook of his arm as he looked at her eyes while leaving the imprint in the flesh of Marlon, the red haired vampire he was currently chastising.
“You are lucky you only have to fear fire and stakes.”
Buffy was somehow impervious to sunlight, crosses and holy water. She could touch them and drink the water without so much as a twinge. That was why Angelus had thought her to be a semi-vampiress, an uncommon half breed. Surely she would had not been the only slayer to have attempted at turn, arising halfway through in a manner of fashion that was uncommon for vampires!
(Impossible was more likely!)
Meaning she had died and her heart had stopped. She had fallen into sleep to awake at dawn---not dusk. Sad and confused, not hungry, still warm and uncharacteristically unafraid of crosses and holy water. She haltingly went down the steps of the beach house into the morning sun, unharmed and unchanged. For all Angelus knew Buffy had not completed the transformation.
But she had died, lost all the blood in her body and then sucked nearly all of his into her, to go later into peaceful sleep, cold and unmoving, like a corpse or a changing vampire.
But then at the first mating after the change, she had barely tasted his blood and retained her physical warmness, without a reflection, without a heartbeat, and most strangely without a demon face. She was Buffy in all her essence--only her fangs had gone slightly sharper, longer at the tip. If she didn’t have her mouth open or was smiling you couldn’t notice she was a vampire.
That was bizarre and kept Angelus worried and exhilarated at the same time. Surely Buffy was a rare feat attempted by a crazy master, but she was real and ‘his’, and that was all that mattered to him.
“Whose is that beauty?” She looked guiltily at the she cat as she was poised on top of the chaise long waiting to attack.
“Yours…I thought you’d like it.” Angelus let the cross off the man’s skin and walked to Spike and Dru. The conversation among the elders was picking up.
“What about the second slayer…I heard something about Kendra. We have to get rid of her, and then we’ll talk about taking domination above the Hellmouth again.” The one speaking was Keira, a brunette, five feet tall, and an Elder. She was half a century younger than Spike, but still a strong and cunning one.
“She is right…Buffy will take care of her.”
At the mention of her name, Buffy chose to kneel lower and almost sink into the silk cushion. She didn’t feel quiet ready for that one yet.
“She’ll tear her apart with her bare hands, won’t you, my darling?” Angelus walked to her and tugged on the leash. So forcefully as to stop her from the horrible remaining habit of faking breathing. She had to stop anything and everything human in order to truly fit in.
“Yes, master.” Inside Buffy cringed at the thought of drinking another slayer’s blood, but she had no choice. Angelus had commanded her in front of fifteen vampires who could very easily tear her apart.
“Too late. My Dru bagged her! There is a new slayer in Sunnydale. Her name is Faith, very nice, brunette, unpredictable, and sexy as her predecessor. You’d love to meet her, sire.” Buffy nearly launched for Spike’s throat at that. Angelus would not cheat on her if she could prevent it---most certainly not with another slayer.
“Good job, my darling” said Angelus as he caressed Drusilla’s cheek.
“It was my pleasure, daddy.”
Buffy felt the bile surge up her throat until she could almost taste the blood in her mouth. Jealousy was a murderous emotion in the world of vampires.
“Worried, slayer? Preoccupied about your status? I would love to show you where you stand in the food line.” Spike wanted badly to torture her, and Angelus caught a wave of her anger and distress and decided to settle the matter immediately.
“Spike…friends, minions. It’s time to give you a demonstration.” He dangled the cross in front of Drusilla and when she moved away from the stingy element, he grabbed the neck of Marlon, the disobedient childe.
“Have your will.” Angelus had said it to Buffy, but at that second the red-haired vampire launched for Buffy’s neck as he had been sent out to do.
In a move faster than what the human eye would call visible, Buffy turned her head to the side, pulled a pencil thin stake out of her heel and pushed it through the back of the vampire into his heart. He exploded in a rain of ashes beside her.
“I recommend you to think twice before you make a move on my mate. As you can see, she’s quite dangerous. If she thinks either she or I are at risk…she would attack, regardless of who is in front of her. Is everything clear here then?” Angelus gave Buffy a firm squeeze in the shoulder as he placed the diamond cross on her neck.
They were all stunned about the fact that Buffy wasn’t burning or screaming in pain.
“And if you thought about capturing, torturing, or harassing her, you might find yourself in grave danger. She knows how to read minds and as her previous background informs you…she knows all the ways to kill a vampire. And especially how to destroy a vampires nest.”
Angelus sat in his huge mahogany, king-like chair and caressed Buffy’s golden locks. The little cat also came silently and sat in his lap. Moonlight and Buffy had the same eyes and shared the love of his master, both ready to pounce at the most minimum treat. Sure of his safety, the Master of the Order of Aurelius sat to contemplate what or rather whom he would do now that he had the world at his feet.