If you are codependent please ask someone to press '2'.
If you have multiple personalities please press '3', '4', '5', and '6'.
If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want... just stay on the line so that we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionaly hallucinate, please be aware and the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.